Share your wacky relative story. - GoFuckYourself.com

Squishy · 06-26-2002, 12:25 AM

I've got an Uncle in North Dakota. In most aspects he is fairly normal, but he cuts all the bar codes off of every thing that he buys. He believes that, when the war comes, the Air Force is going to fly over everybodies house with big AWACS mounted bar code scanners, see what hes got, and come and arrest him for hoarding. He also owns 40 odd guns and a few other interesting bits of military "memoribilia".

Fletch XXX · 06-26-2002, 12:28 AM

Bow Wow wow yippy yo yippe yay

Squishy · 06-26-2002, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fletch XXX
Bow Wow wow yippy yo yippe yay

You confuse me, sir.

quiet · 06-26-2002, 12:31 AM

i have an uncle who is a true to life 'beachcomer'. lives in a boat on the frasier river on the B.C. coast. lives completely alone, pretty much hates/avoids everyone but my dad, myself, and my brother.

has lots of guns too. very entertaining guy to visit.

Fletch XXX · 06-26-2002, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Squishy

You confuse me, sir.

The sound of a "DAWWWWWWWWG" bring me to another day.

GTS Mark · 06-26-2002, 01:19 AM

I have an uncle out in Smith Falls Ontario, that lives by himself and has burned his house to the ground not once but twice. First time he fell asleep with a ciggarette in his hand and the second time he turned his fryer on to make some fries. Then went up stairs and fell asleep! LOL! The dumb bastard burned down 2 houses within 10 years. And the funniest part was that it was on the exact same plot of land!!!! LOL!

Needless to say he had a hard time collecting his home insurance the last time it burnt down!

DH

GTS Mark · 06-26-2002, 01:23 AM

Another funny story was the time the same uncle who loves movies by the way. Waited 7 hours infront of blockbuster for a movie to be returned (that was late). Oh yes the guy waited 7 frickin hours for a movie that he wanted to rent. Oh no he would'nt go somewhere else to rent it or even come back later. He sat outside in his pickup truck and waited until the movie was dropped off. Every 45 minutes or so coming in to check and see if the movie had been returned. And the funniest thing was that the movie was returned by one of his best buddies! LOL!

My uncle was very upset with him to say the least!

DH

BrettJ · 06-26-2002, 03:56 AM

Damn - I don't think i can top the ones mentioned but here i go.

Brother - now 30. car wreck at 17 nearly killed him. went into the service. got out. car wreck at 25 nearly killed him. laid up in traction for 2 months. (First wife leaves him soon after he gets out of hospital).

Brother is single father for two years. Meets second ex wife x mas. Weds in summer. (some time between meeting the second ex wife - he meets and sleeps with her best friend) Her best friend - also becomes maid of honor at wedding.

Maid of honor - has abortion to cover up affair. Wife - has aborition (since they both have a kid already) - then ends marriage because her mother finds out and convinces her daughter (brothers wife) that my brother is satan.

My brother shacks up with new woman. spends almost a year with her - only to leave her in the last coujple of months -

Now the Maid of Honor from the last wedding is living at my brothers place.

Father - has tumors in hands - can't hold a firearm very well but went out in his 'pick-up' truck anyway. Came across a pesky coyote. Pulled off the side of the road went to load a bolt action rifle. Since his hands don't work so well - he lays the front stock in his left palm and rests the butt of the gun on his belt buckle. places the round with his right hand, and slams the bolt in place with his right hand.

When he slammed the bolt in place - the butt of the gun dislodged from the belt buckle and the gun dropped on the ground. it went off on impact with the ground and fired a round off at his head - clipping his ear - expanding and grazing his head - a small fragment - broke skin and skull and punctured just a bit of his brain.

pretty stupid really. he was talking word salad for a while - but is back to 90% these days.

Well - I think those are the two best I have.

nerd · 06-26-2002, 04:21 AM

My uncle is a drunk,

He got hit by a train while in his car not once but twice and lived.
He ran into a brick wall while in his car.

He held me over a bridge when i was a kid, dropped me and caught me real quick

He use to tell me to go swimming when it was lighting outside.
"Hey J it's ok you can go swimming"

Seems like everyones uncle is screwed

Matt 26z · 06-26-2002, 04:48 AM

My cousin was into drugs for a long time. She's pretty messed up now, and her life is basically shot. He's some things she's done in the last few years....

I saw her lay down on the floor once, spread all out, and claim the devil was entering her body. Later on she said she had to go back to the exact place she laid down at, and do it again.

Another time she was sitting in the car with my mom, and from out of nowhere she screams! Then claims there's a timebomb in her heart!

She told me once that a Vietnam veteran was living in her stomach.

She once chased her brother around the house with a butcher knife, and proceeded to chop up his waterbed.

I saw her pacing around a room once, and she did so just like a caged animal..... Waiting to turn around and go the other direction only when her face nearly hit the wall.

Earlier this year she was sitting at the local park, and the police drove up next to her. She ran for no reason, and then jumped off a bridge (15 feet or so). She landed in very shallow water, and broke her tailbone.

The worse thing about all this is that she's had six children taken away by the state. The last three (maybe the others too) she did drugs while pregnant. One of those kids (adopted by her sister) has a deformed breathing tube, one died of heart trouble, and the other (living with us) was born 3 months early (he's almost 1, and no problems yet).

She has been locked up many times, but they always let her out. She isn't as bad when she takes her medication, but she doesn't know enough to take it on her own most of the time. A lesson to stay away from hardcore drugs.

Ted · 06-26-2002, 04:51 AM

I started reading this thread and thought I had a story, but looking at the other posts its just too dull

akississweet · 06-26-2002, 04:52 AM

She once chased her brother around the house with a butcher knife, and proceeded to chop up his waterbed.

??????? um...okay

Thomas N · 06-26-2002, 07:58 AM

Someone send Jerry Springer over here. We just found 6 or 7 episodes for him!

06-26-2002, 12:25 AM	#1
Squishy Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Hiding from you. Posts: 1,809	Share your wacky relative story. I've got an Uncle in North Dakota. In most aspects he is fairly normal, but he cuts all the bar codes off of every thing that he buys. He believes that, when the war comes, the Air Force is going to fly over everybodies house with big AWACS mounted bar code scanners, see what hes got, and come and arrest him for hoarding. He also owns 40 odd guns and a few other interesting bits of military "memoribilia".

06-26-2002, 12:28 AM	#2
Fletch XXX GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: that 504 Posts: 60,840	Bow Wow wow yippy yo yippe yay __________________ Want an Android App for your tube, membership, or free site? Need banners or promo material? Hit us up (ICQ Fletch: 148841377) or email me fletchxxx at gmail.com - recent work - About me

06-26-2002, 04:21 AM	#9
nerd Registered User Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 19	My uncle is a drunk, He got hit by a train while in his car not once but twice and lived. He ran into a brick wall while in his car. He held me over a bridge when i was a kid, dropped me and caught me real quick He use to tell me to go swimming when it was lighting outside. "Hey J it's ok you can go swimming" Seems like everyones uncle is screwed __________________ Think different

06-26-2002, 12:31 AM	#4
quiet we'll miss you our friend. RIP Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Fernie, BC Posts: 25,115	i have an uncle who is a true to life 'beachcomer'. lives in a boat on the frasier river on the B.C. coast. lives completely alone, pretty much hates/avoids everyone but my dad, myself, and my brother. has lots of guns too. very entertaining guy to visit.

06-26-2002, 01:19 AM	#6
GTS Mark Vrume Mark Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 20,912	I have an uncle out in Smith Falls Ontario, that lives by himself and has burned his house to the ground not once but twice. First time he fell asleep with a ciggarette in his hand and the second time he turned his fryer on to make some fries. Then went up stairs and fell asleep! LOL! The dumb bastard burned down 2 houses within 10 years. And the funniest part was that it was on the exact same plot of land!!!! LOL! Needless to say he had a hard time collecting his home insurance the last time it burnt down! DH

06-26-2002, 01:23 AM	#7
GTS Mark Vrume Mark Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 20,912	Another funny story was the time the same uncle who loves movies by the way. Waited 7 hours infront of blockbuster for a movie to be returned (that was late). Oh yes the guy waited 7 frickin hours for a movie that he wanted to rent. Oh no he would'nt go somewhere else to rent it or even come back later. He sat outside in his pickup truck and waited until the movie was dropped off. Every 45 minutes or so coming in to check and see if the movie had been returned. And the funniest thing was that the movie was returned by one of his best buddies! LOL! My uncle was very upset with him to say the least! DH

06-26-2002, 03:56 AM	#8
BrettJ ol' timer Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Seattle WA Posts: 4,715	Damn - I don't think i can top the ones mentioned but here i go. Brother - now 30. car wreck at 17 nearly killed him. went into the service. got out. car wreck at 25 nearly killed him. laid up in traction for 2 months. (First wife leaves him soon after he gets out of hospital). Brother is single father for two years. Meets second ex wife x mas. Weds in summer. (some time between meeting the second ex wife - he meets and sleeps with her best friend) Her best friend - also becomes maid of honor at wedding. Maid of honor - has abortion to cover up affair. Wife - has aborition (since they both have a kid already) - then ends marriage because her mother finds out and convinces her daughter (brothers wife) that my brother is satan. My brother shacks up with new woman. spends almost a year with her - only to leave her in the last coujple of months - Now the Maid of Honor from the last wedding is living at my brothers place. Father - has tumors in hands - can't hold a firearm very well but went out in his 'pick-up' truck anyway. Came across a pesky coyote. Pulled off the side of the road went to load a bolt action rifle. Since his hands don't work so well - he lays the front stock in his left palm and rests the butt of the gun on his belt buckle. places the round with his right hand, and slams the bolt in place with his right hand. When he slammed the bolt in place - the butt of the gun dislodged from the belt buckle and the gun dropped on the ground. it went off on impact with the ground and fired a round off at his head - clipping his ear - expanding and grazing his head - a small fragment - broke skin and skull and punctured just a bit of his brain. pretty stupid really. he was talking word salad for a while - but is back to 90% these days. Well - I think those are the two best I have.

06-26-2002, 04:48 AM	#10
Matt 26z So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: ¤ª"˜¨๑۩۞۩๑¨˜"ª¤ Posts: 18,481	My cousin was into drugs for a long time. She's pretty messed up now, and her life is basically shot. He's some things she's done in the last few years.... I saw her lay down on the floor once, spread all out, and claim the devil was entering her body. Later on she said she had to go back to the exact place she laid down at, and do it again. Another time she was sitting in the car with my mom, and from out of nowhere she screams! Then claims there's a timebomb in her heart! She told me once that a Vietnam veteran was living in her stomach. She once chased her brother around the house with a butcher knife, and proceeded to chop up his waterbed. I saw her pacing around a room once, and she did so just like a caged animal..... Waiting to turn around and go the other direction only when her face nearly hit the wall. Earlier this year she was sitting at the local park, and the police drove up next to her. She ran for no reason, and then jumped off a bridge (15 feet or so). She landed in very shallow water, and broke her tailbone. The worse thing about all this is that she's had six children taken away by the state. The last three (maybe the others too) she did drugs while pregnant. One of those kids (adopted by her sister) has a deformed breathing tube, one died of heart trouble, and the other (living with us) was born 3 months early (he's almost 1, and no problems yet). She has been locked up many times, but they always let her out. She isn't as bad when she takes her medication, but she doesn't know enough to take it on her own most of the time. A lesson to stay away from hardcore drugs.

06-26-2002, 04:51 AM	#11
Ted Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 830	I started reading this thread and thought I had a story, but looking at the other posts its just too dull

06-26-2002, 04:52 AM	#12
akississweet Registered User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: nyc Posts: 88	She once chased her brother around the house with a butcher knife, and proceeded to chop up his waterbed. ??????? um...okay

06-26-2002, 07:58 AM	#13
Thomas N Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 973	Someone send Jerry Springer over here. We just found 6 or 7 episodes for him!