the new movie "Crank" with Jason Statham - GoFuckYourself.com

Pleasurepays · 09-07-2006, 11:04 PM

just saw it. in the spirit of summer, i decided to forgive him for Transporter 2, the impossibly stupid car stunts and the morbidly retarded fight scene inside a poorly animated plane that is spinning out of control and crashing to the ground at 300 knots... and give him another chance.

i didn't expect much. i just expected a cheesy plot and a few cool fight scenes, people getting shot and shit getting blown up. i thought that was fair on my part.

i think maybe its the fact that i love Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels that keeps me holding out false hopes that he might actually one day appear again in a movie that doesn't so completely suck.

what amazed me with this movie was that they figured out how to make a film suck from the very first second of the opening credits (you'll get it if you see it) and then skillfully managed to make sure it sucked even more, every second, frame by shitty frame... right up until the end. they were very careful to highlight and emphasize the sucking with a soundtrack and music that couldn't be farther from complimenting the movie and what was going on. it was about as a appropriate the to scenes as Britney Spears would be to Schindler's List.

in fact, it sucks so bad that you ultimately begin to develop this sort of morbid curiousity and start wanting to watch it just to see how bad the next scene will suck and in a begrudging way, you kinda find yourself beginning to admire the skill it took to make it keep sucking more and more and more ... until the final scene... where you will bear sad witness what might very well be the stupidest ending of any movie ever made.

detoxed · 09-07-2006, 11:05 PM

ouch scathing

Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE · 09-07-2006, 11:11 PM

i'll go see it

WiredGuy · 09-08-2006, 12:20 AM

Damn, and I was gonna see it tomorrow night.
WG

fallenmuffin · 09-08-2006, 12:23 AM

1. It's called "Crank"
2. It stars Jason Statham
3. The plot even sounds retarded in the trailer

And you spent money on it? lol dude

Jace · 09-08-2006, 12:24 AM

dude, that was one of the best reviews I have read in a long time...LOL

I am actually going to send that out to some people, so look for a chain letter with your review in it soon...haha

free4porn · 09-08-2006, 01:09 AM

dam, people said it was good

FreeFastHost · 09-08-2006, 01:10 AM

I thought the movie was ok.

Deraj · 09-08-2006, 01:11 AM

Hey PP.. do you live in Washington State bro?

madawgz · 09-08-2006, 01:11 AM

im gonna go see it very soon

Sexsitesurfer · 09-08-2006, 02:27 AM

Not sure about it now.... Statham has had some highs and some lows already. Oh well!

karlm · 09-08-2006, 03:00 AM

I liked it thought it was diffrent

Grisey · 09-08-2006, 03:04 AM

A few of my mates have said its good, not seen it myself.

Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE · 09-08-2006, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WiredGuy

Damn, and I was gonna see it tomorrow night.
WG

don't let that stop you.... go see it... everyone has their own opinion, NEVER not go see a movie just because someone else didn't like it

MaddCaz · 09-08-2006, 06:15 AM

I'd go see it on a lame Sundayy

nico-t · 09-08-2006, 06:31 AM

heard it was good.. imdb rating is also above average

JayDeeZee · 09-08-2006, 06:48 AM

Damb! I was going to see it too.....Now I'll pass!

I agree that Transporter 2 sucked the big one. But I would argue that Transporter 1 was the most under-rated action movie of all time.

MSV · 09-08-2006, 07:22 AM

Crank was funny as shit... laughed my ass off

jerseygto · 09-08-2006, 07:31 AM

well i think that siskel and edbert would be proud... but as usuall ill wait till the dvd !!!!!!

Donny · 09-08-2006, 08:08 AM

I saw it yesterday and liked the movie a lot. It's not something you go see if you expect realistic dialogue. You go to it to be entertained. The scene on the newspaper stand made me laugh and also turned me on a little.

It's different, very different. But that's nice for a change.

Juilan · 09-08-2006, 08:10 AM

I loved it, ludacris and cheesy fun

JUSTB · 09-08-2006, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pleasurepays

just saw it. in the spirit of summer, i decided to forgive him for Transporter 2, the impossibly stupid car stunts and the morbidly retarded fight scene inside a poorly animated plane that is spinning out of control and crashing to the ground at 300 knots... and give him another chance.

i didn't expect much. i just expected a cheesy plot and a few cool fight scenes, people getting shot and shit getting blown up. i thought that was fair on my part.

i think maybe its the fact that i love Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels that keeps me holding out false hopes that he might actually one day appear again in a movie that doesn't so completely suck.

what amazed me with this movie was that they figured out how to make a film suck from the very first second of the opening credits (you'll get it if you see it) and then skillfully managed to make sure it sucked even more, every second, frame by shitty frame... right up until the end. they were very careful to highlight and emphasize the sucking with a soundtrack and music that couldn't be farther from complimenting the movie and what was going on. it was about as a appropriate the to scenes as Britney Spears would be to Schindler's List.

in fact, it sucks so bad that you ultimately begin to develop this sort of morbid curiousity and start wanting to watch it just to see how bad the next scene will suck and in a begrudging way, you kinda find yourself beginning to admire the skill it took to make it keep sucking more and more and more ... until the final scene... where you will bear sad witness what might very well be the stupidest ending of any movie ever made.

I agree with you 100%
This has to be the absolute worst movie I have ever sat through in a theatre. It was that bad.

IWantU_Jeff · 09-08-2006, 09:08 AM

Snatch & Lock Stock, where his 2 best movies tho.. they were AWSOME

JUSTB · 09-08-2006, 09:11 AM

Transporter 2 was a masterpiece compared to Crank. I pretty much have loved all of his movies till now. Even Italian Job was good.

Pleasurepays · 09-08-2006, 09:40 AM

i can understand that people like Donny can say "its just entertainment, i liked it" - Jeffrey Dahmer could have argued that picking up queer asian boys, taking them home, raping and eating them was "just entertainment" also. doesn't make it right.

in terms of production, script, dialogue, acting, directing, camera work, musical scoring etc.... it was like some sort of contest from bizarro world to see how shitty they could make it. it was just terrible. not terrible in the usual way like "i didn't like it because.. [insert 1 rational reason here]" - terrible in an "oh my fucking god, i think the opening credits are already so fucking dumb, that the guy three seats away just started convulsing and lost consciousness due to the realization that we are about to sit through one of the stupidest movies to ever make it into a theater"

i would rather rather go to a hospital everyday for the rest of my life, getting a biopsy on a possibly cacerous skin growth and have the docter looking sad and dissapointed while he nervously held the results in his hands ... beating around the bush for 2 hrs before telling me the results are negative, than sit through that movie again.

I thought Talledega Nights was surprisingly funny. I watched it twice. I expected a mostly awkward, often uncomfortable and kinda weird type of humor like Anchorman mixed with a few memorable scenes, but actually, the whole movie was very funny from start to finish if you like Will Farrel.

axelcat · 09-08-2006, 09:42 AM

thanks for the review

Pleasurepays · 09-08-2006, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deraj

Hey PP.. do you live in Washington State bro?

Yeah, i live in Bellevue.

Klen · 09-08-2006, 09:55 AM

Yep this movie is good piece of shit

NinjaSteve · 09-08-2006, 10:10 AM

I'm going to see it at the dollar theaters.

northboy · 09-08-2006, 10:40 AM

you're a fucking retard if you didn't like this movie, go watch your Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter movies.

CRANK is amazing, if you want to see an action movie that's funny go see it.

Pleasurepays · 09-08-2006, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by northboy

you're a fucking retard if you didn't like this movie, go watch your Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter movies.

CRANK is amazing, if you want to see an action movie that's funny go see it.

your right. i have changed my mind. you have made me see the light. let me expand on what you wrote... because i realized that there is in fact a target market for this type of crap.

"CRANK is amazing, if you want to see an action movie that appeals to the maturity and intellectual levels of a group of low functioning, autistic 12yr olds, go see it"

JUSTB · 09-08-2006, 10:57 AM

Crank lost me from the moment he started trying to shove cocaine up his nose off the bathroom floor lol

PaulB IYP · 09-08-2006, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KlenTelaris

Yep this movie is good piece of shit

lol...nice one

northboy · 09-08-2006, 12:00 PM

I think i am going to see this again tonight, JUST for the cocaine scene. The whole theatre couldn't stop laughing during that scene, man that was funny shit.

WiredGuy · 09-08-2006, 01:15 PM

I just watched it and I actually liked it. A lot was unbelievable and extreme but it was funny and constant action. Up to par with other Jason Stratham movies (they all have a certain style thats different than most action movies).
WG

Lykos · 09-08-2006, 01:26 PM

will come to cinema soon,and i will check it for sure

BSleazy · 09-08-2006, 01:51 PM

I saw it last night and thought it was ok. I'm not so sure about the ending though.

Hollywood376 · 09-08-2006, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pleasurepays

just saw it. in the spirit of summer, i decided to forgive him for Transporter 2, the impossibly stupid car stunts and the morbidly retarded fight scene inside a poorly animated plane that is spinning out of control and crashing to the ground at 300 knots... and give him another chance.

i didn't expect much. i just expected a cheesy plot and a few cool fight scenes, people getting shot and shit getting blown up. i thought that was fair on my part.

i think maybe its the fact that i love Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels that keeps me holding out false hopes that he might actually one day appear again in a movie that doesn't so completely suck.

what amazed me with this movie was that they figured out how to make a film suck from the very first second of the opening credits (you'll get it if you see it) and then skillfully managed to make sure it sucked even more, every second, frame by shitty frame... right up until the end. they were very careful to highlight and emphasize the sucking with a soundtrack and music that couldn't be farther from complimenting the movie and what was going on. it was about as a appropriate the to scenes as Britney Spears would be to Schindler's List.

in fact, it sucks so bad that you ultimately begin to develop this sort of morbid curiousity and start wanting to watch it just to see how bad the next scene will suck and in a begrudging way, you kinda find yourself beginning to admire the skill it took to make it keep sucking more and more and more ... until the final scene... where you will bear sad witness what might very well be the stupidest ending of any movie ever made.

So...are you recommending it, or not? I mean, does it suck so much that I should see it to see how much it sucks, or it sucks enough to make it really bad, but not enough to go to see the wreckage?? Just checking.

Dragar · 09-08-2006, 02:04 PM

I seen it it's weak and somewhat lame

Pleasurepays · 09-08-2006, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollywood376

So...are you recommending it, or not? I mean, does it suck so much that I should see it to see how much it sucks, or it sucks enough to make it really bad, but not enough to go to see the wreckage?? Just checking.

i would say its ok to watch if you have extremely low expectations

but the trailers are not a fair representation of the film and make it look more serious and better than it is.

09-07-2006, 11:04 PM	#1
Pleasurepays BANNED - SUPPORTING TUBES Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I live in a pile of boogers Posts: 11,913	the new movie "Crank" with Jason Statham just saw it. in the spirit of summer, i decided to forgive him for Transporter 2, the impossibly stupid car stunts and the morbidly retarded fight scene inside a poorly animated plane that is spinning out of control and crashing to the ground at 300 knots... and give him another chance. i didn't expect much. i just expected a cheesy plot and a few cool fight scenes, people getting shot and shit getting blown up. i thought that was fair on my part. i think maybe its the fact that i love Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels that keeps me holding out false hopes that he might actually one day appear again in a movie that doesn't so completely suck. what amazed me with this movie was that they figured out how to make a film suck from the very first second of the opening credits (you'll get it if you see it) and then skillfully managed to make sure it sucked even more, every second, frame by shitty frame... right up until the end. they were very careful to highlight and emphasize the sucking with a soundtrack and music that couldn't be farther from complimenting the movie and what was going on. it was about as a appropriate the to scenes as Britney Spears would be to Schindler's List. in fact, it sucks so bad that you ultimately begin to develop this sort of morbid curiousity and start wanting to watch it just to see how bad the next scene will suck and in a begrudging way, you kinda find yourself beginning to admire the skill it took to make it keep sucking more and more and more ... until the final scene... where you will bear sad witness what might very well be the stupidest ending of any movie ever made.

09-08-2006, 12:20 AM	#4
WiredGuy Pounding Googlebot Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 34,482	Damn, and I was gonna see it tomorrow night. WG __________________ I play with Google.

09-08-2006, 01:09 AM	#7
free4porn Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 4,654	dam, people said it was good __________________ Switch To Fling Now! I'm on 1:201 paid signups sending little traffic! Make $$$ Free Porn

09-08-2006, 01:11 AM	#10
madawgz 8.8.8.8 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Noordermarkt Posts: 30,509	im gonna go see it very soon __________________ TAEMDLRMSKRJIXMRLSMRJ.

09-08-2006, 02:27 AM	#11
Sexsitesurfer Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Porn land Posts: 3,157	Not sure about it now.... Statham has had some highs and some lows already. Oh well! __________________ Paul DDF Productions Marketing manager Skype: Marketing.DDF ICQ: 316302313 Cell: +36 30 732 6076 [email protected]

09-07-2006, 11:05 PM	#2
detoxed vip member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 17,798	ouch scathing

09-07-2006, 11:11 PM	#3
Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE MOBILE PORN: IMOBILEPORN Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Tinseltown NL Posts: 16,502	i'll go see it

09-08-2006, 12:23 AM	#5
fallenmuffin Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 8,170	1. It's called "Crank" 2. It stars Jason Statham 3. The plot even sounds retarded in the trailer And you spent money on it? lol dude

09-08-2006, 12:24 AM	#6
Jace FBOP Class Of 2013 Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: bumfuck, ky Posts: 35,562	dude, that was one of the best reviews I have read in a long time...LOL I am actually going to send that out to some people, so look for a chain letter with your review in it soon...haha

09-08-2006, 01:10 AM	#8
FreeFastHost Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,588	I thought the movie was ok.

09-08-2006, 03:00 AM	#12
karlm Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: UK Posts: 4,194	I liked it thought it was diffrent __________________ ICQ 584665926

09-08-2006, 03:04 AM	#13
Grisey Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Uk Posts: 1,805	A few of my mates have said its good, not seen it myself. __________________ Segpay Suck Ass Worse Billing Company Allurecash Scammers and don't pay

09-08-2006, 06:15 AM	#15
MaddCaz Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Illinois Posts: 9,483	I'd go see it on a lame Sundayy __________________ BigCocks.com - MatureWomen.com - Tranny.com - DrunkGirls.com - TeenGirls.com - MonsterCock.com and many more... Click here to see them all!

09-08-2006, 06:31 AM	#16
nico-t emperor of my world Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: nethalands Posts: 29,903	heard it was good.. imdb rating is also above average

09-08-2006, 06:48 AM	#17
JayDeeZee Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,595	Damb! I was going to see it too.....Now I'll pass! I agree that Transporter 2 sucked the big one. But I would argue that Transporter 1 was the most under-rated action movie of all time. __________________

09-08-2006, 07:22 AM	#18
MSV Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 449	Crank was funny as shit... laughed my ass off

09-08-2006, 07:31 AM	#19
jerseygto Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: sofla at www.webfantasy69.com Posts: 341	well i think that siskel and edbert would be proud... but as usuall ill wait till the dvd !!!!!! __________________ Promote http://www.pecash.com/cgi-bin/click1.cgi?14216 http://www.coolwebstats.com/cgi-bin/...iliate=1282672 www.webfantasy69.com

09-08-2006, 08:08 AM	#20
Donny As you wish... Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 13,754	I saw it yesterday and liked the movie a lot. It's not something you go see if you expect realistic dialogue. You go to it to be entertained. The scene on the newspaper stand made me laugh and also turned me on a little. It's different, very different. But that's nice for a change.

09-08-2006, 08:10 AM	#21
Juilan Sultan of Swing Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: XXXodus Posts: 15,141	I loved it, ludacris and cheesy fun __________________ My Best Converting VOD Sponsor \|

09-08-2006, 09:08 AM	#23
IWantU_Jeff Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cold Cold Montreal Posts: 2,092	Snatch & Lock Stock, where his 2 best movies tho.. they were AWSOME __________________ Jeffy B. ICQ: 463.180.179

09-08-2006, 09:11 AM	#24
JUSTB Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: tampa Posts: 1,740	Transporter 2 was a masterpiece compared to Crank. I pretty much have loved all of his movies till now. Even Italian Job was good.

09-08-2006, 09:40 AM	#25
Pleasurepays BANNED - SUPPORTING TUBES Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I live in a pile of boogers Posts: 11,913	i can understand that people like Donny can say "its just entertainment, i liked it" - Jeffrey Dahmer could have argued that picking up queer asian boys, taking them home, raping and eating them was "just entertainment" also. doesn't make it right. in terms of production, script, dialogue, acting, directing, camera work, musical scoring etc.... it was like some sort of contest from bizarro world to see how shitty they could make it. it was just terrible. not terrible in the usual way like "i didn't like it because.. [insert 1 rational reason here]" - terrible in an "oh my fucking god, i think the opening credits are already so fucking dumb, that the guy three seats away just started convulsing and lost consciousness due to the realization that we are about to sit through one of the stupidest movies to ever make it into a theater" i would rather rather go to a hospital everyday for the rest of my life, getting a biopsy on a possibly cacerous skin growth and have the docter looking sad and dissapointed while he nervously held the results in his hands ... beating around the bush for 2 hrs before telling me the results are negative, than sit through that movie again. I thought Talledega Nights was surprisingly funny. I watched it twice. I expected a mostly awkward, often uncomfortable and kinda weird type of humor like Anchorman mixed with a few memorable scenes, but actually, the whole movie was very funny from start to finish if you like Will Farrel. Last edited by Pleasurepays; 09-08-2006 at 09:42 AM..

09-08-2006, 09:42 AM	#26
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450	thanks for the review

09-08-2006, 09:55 AM	#28
Klen Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Little Vienna Posts: 32,235	Yep this movie is good piece of shit

09-08-2006, 10:10 AM	#29
NinjaSteve Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 11,089	I'm going to see it at the dollar theaters. __________________ ...

09-08-2006, 10:40 AM	#30
northboy Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Frost Posts: 807	you're a fucking retard if you didn't like this movie, go watch your Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter movies. CRANK is amazing, if you want to see an action movie that's funny go see it.

09-08-2006, 10:57 AM	#32
JUSTB Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: tampa Posts: 1,740	Crank lost me from the moment he started trying to shove cocaine up his nose off the bathroom floor lol

09-08-2006, 12:00 PM	#34
northboy Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Frost Posts: 807	I think i am going to see this again tonight, JUST for the cocaine scene. The whole theatre couldn't stop laughing during that scene, man that was funny shit.

09-08-2006, 01:15 PM	#35
WiredGuy Pounding Googlebot Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 34,482	I just watched it and I actually liked it. A lot was unbelievable and extreme but it was funny and constant action. Up to par with other Jason Stratham movies (they all have a certain style thats different than most action movies). WG __________________ I play with Google.

09-08-2006, 01:26 PM	#36
Lykos Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: World Posts: 31,027	will come to cinema soon,and i will check it for sure __________________

09-08-2006, 01:51 PM	#37
BSleazy Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: USA Posts: 6,721	I saw it last night and thought it was ok. I'm not so sure about the ending though. __________________ icq 156131086

09-08-2006, 02:04 PM	#39
Dragar Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,079	I seen it it's weak and somewhat lame __________________