Who will write the best joke? - GoFuckYourself.com

krendel · 06-18-2006, 04:10 AM

Who will write the best joke?
I want to collect the best jokes
write please here...

nofx · 06-18-2006, 04:25 AM

what does 2+2 = ?

5

thats the best joke ever, i win, mods please close thread

2HousePlague · 06-18-2006, 04:29 AM

This one's more like a riddle than a joke...

"What has no effect, but touches EVERYTHING?"

2hp

notabook · 06-18-2006, 04:38 AM

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

PinkElectric · 06-18-2006, 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notabook

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

http://allnurses.com/forums/1625156-post1.html

notabook · 06-18-2006, 04:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkElectric

http://allnurses.com/forums/1625156-post1.html

Why did you link to the same joke lol? I want my three seconds back for clicking that link.

krendel · 06-24-2006, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notabook

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

Very nice joke

i glad

MaddCaz · 06-24-2006, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nofx

what does 2+2 = ?

5

thats the best joke ever, i win, mods please close thread

!!

krendel · 06-24-2006, 02:11 PM

An Elderly Couple
An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship: "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully.

"Oh, I like to have it infrequently," she responded.

The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, "Was that one word or two?"
_____________
haha

Libertine · 06-24-2006, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2HousePlague

This one's more like a riddle than a joke...

"What has no effect, but touches EVERYTHING?"

2hp

My tongue.

cool1 · 06-24-2006, 02:18 PM

I know my sexuality, but I get so confused by other people's. I don't even know the difference between transvestites and transsexuals.
As I understand it, transvestites are the ones that grow down from the ceiling and transsexuals are the ones that grow up from the floor, right??.

cool1 · 06-24-2006, 02:19 PM

A lady goes to her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots who only know how to say one thing."

"And that is?" he replies.

"They say, 'Hi, we're hookers. Wanna' have some fun?' "

"That's obscene, but I believe I have the solution," says the priest. "I have two male parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your parrots to my house, we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter, who can teach them how to pray and worship. Your parrots will drop that phrase in no time."

The next day, she puts her parrots in with the priest's, who are holding rosary beads and praying.

Seconds later, the female parrots, in unison say: "Hi, we're hookers. Wanna' have some fun?"

Shocked, one male parrot looks at the other and says, "Chuck the beads, Frank. Our prayers have been answered."

fallenmuffin · 06-24-2006, 02:21 PM

This man walked into a talent agent's office and said ... "I've got the perfect act for your show" The agent said "Great, what does the act do?"

First, a middle aged mother comes out on stage and starts stroking her strap-on then her husband comes out and starts slapping her on the ass and fingering her asshole. Until she explodes on stage and shit goes everywhere. Their three kids run out and slide through the shit and when they stop they start to vomit. The eldest kids, 14 and 12 start fucking each other in the ass while the youngest 5 years old starts fingering his mother. Then the grandmother comes out pisses into a bucket and her son drinks it down while the grandfather screams "MORE MORE!". Finally a baby comes out on stage and the father picks her up and starts fucking her in the mouth until her head explodes. The whole family is now covered in shit, blood, vomit, and piss. They all take a big bow and walk off stage..

The agent says JESUS CHRIST, WHAT DO THEY CALL THE ACT?

.... THE ARISTOCRATS

fallenmuffin · 06-24-2006, 09:26 PM

LOL @ me killing this thread.

06-18-2006, 04:10 AM	#1
krendel Registered User Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 43	Who will write the best joke? Who will write the best joke? I want to collect the best jokes write please here... __________________ CELEBRITIES ON NET

06-18-2006, 04:25 AM	#2
nofx Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Virgin Mary's womb Posts: 16,826	what does 2+2 = ? 5 thats the best joke ever, i win, mods please close thread __________________ Often times I wonder why There's love and hate, theres live or die. When sickness comes I must decide: When feelings go, theres suicide.

06-18-2006, 04:29 AM	#3
2HousePlague CURATOR Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: the attic Posts: 14,572	This one's more like a riddle than a joke... "What has no effect, but touches EVERYTHING?" 2hp __________________ tada!

06-18-2006, 04:38 AM	#4
notabook Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Not a Library! Posts: 9,748	A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? __________________

06-24-2006, 02:11 PM	#9
krendel Registered User Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 43	An Elderly Couple An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship: "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully. "Oh, I like to have it infrequently," she responded. The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, "Was that one word or two?" _____________ haha __________________ CELEBRITIES ON NET

06-24-2006, 02:18 PM	#11
cool1 sex is good Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Carman, MB Canada Posts: 24,939	I know my sexuality, but I get so confused by other people's. I don't even know the difference between transvestites and transsexuals. As I understand it, transvestites are the ones that grow down from the ceiling and transsexuals are the ones that grow up from the floor, right??. __________________

06-24-2006, 02:19 PM	#12
cool1 sex is good Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Carman, MB Canada Posts: 24,939	A lady goes to her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots who only know how to say one thing." "And that is?" he replies. "They say, 'Hi, we're hookers. Wanna' have some fun?' " "That's obscene, but I believe I have the solution," says the priest. "I have two male parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your parrots to my house, we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter, who can teach them how to pray and worship. Your parrots will drop that phrase in no time." The next day, she puts her parrots in with the priest's, who are holding rosary beads and praying. Seconds later, the female parrots, in unison say: "Hi, we're hookers. Wanna' have some fun?" Shocked, one male parrot looks at the other and says, "Chuck the beads, Frank. Our prayers have been answered." __________________

06-24-2006, 02:21 PM	#13
fallenmuffin Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 8,170	This man walked into a talent agent's office and said ... "I've got the perfect act for your show" The agent said "Great, what does the act do?" First, a middle aged mother comes out on stage and starts stroking her strap-on then her husband comes out and starts slapping her on the ass and fingering her asshole. Until she explodes on stage and shit goes everywhere. Their three kids run out and slide through the shit and when they stop they start to vomit. The eldest kids, 14 and 12 start fucking each other in the ass while the youngest 5 years old starts fingering his mother. Then the grandmother comes out pisses into a bucket and her son drinks it down while the grandfather screams "MORE MORE!". Finally a baby comes out on stage and the father picks her up and starts fucking her in the mouth until her head explodes. The whole family is now covered in shit, blood, vomit, and piss. They all take a big bow and walk off stage.. The agent says JESUS CHRIST, WHAT DO THEY CALL THE ACT? .... THE ARISTOCRATS

06-24-2006, 09:26 PM	#14
fallenmuffin Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 8,170	LOL @ me killing this thread.