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Sent yer kid off to Military school. |
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You keep saying shit, but you have not yet made a single point. You must be a dead beat dad or something. |
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I do agree with the second part of your post, but you're describing only a certain fraction of cases. There are also plenty of guys out there who show up for their visitation, take the kid out and spoil him or her rotten, while the mother is the one who has to enforce the basic daily rules and discipline etc, in effect making her the "bad guy" and the dad is the "good guy". Every case is different. Bottom line is, the whole "deadbeat dad" thing is so NOT overrated. |
"I disagree strongly with the first part of your post. I've been around plenty of single moms over the years, many of whom had horror stories of the father of their children flaking out and not helping with the kids' expenses."
Thats a typical MILF Pick up line dude. Don't get it twisted. |
The only thing that bothers me, is when a woman is awarded child support in an absurd amount. I saw a judgment where the guy had to pay 4k a month for 2 kids child support. PLUS he had to pay for the that she and the kids lived in. as well as money for her. the guy made like 9k a month. After all the payments were made, he was working two jobs, so that he had a small appartment to live in.
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If I'd been married to you, I'd have had to do drugs to avoid reality as well. |
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Must be a product of your enviornment. |
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My mother pulled this one. Shit I was running the streets past midnight at the age of 11 and 12, mother never enforced a single rule...we loved to go over to her house. My dad was the one having to provide the essentials for us, my mother was the one taking us on trips and stuff...rarely ever buying us clothes..and this is a woman who did not have to pay child support and was remarried and not needing to work. While we struggled basically 24-25 days out of the month, she spoiled us for 6...I picked up on it at a very early age so my mother and I never had the greatest relationship because I always called her on the bullshit. |
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Face it you are an alcoholic bitch and never stepped up to the plate. Nice pretending though. |
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Could you live on $18.5K per year??? If so, you live in "the sticks". |
I'm usually not into thes conversations, but I think I'll throw my two cents in here. I'm going through the same thing. I have two year old twins, and my ex and I have "joint custody and gaurdianship" of them with her having "primary residence". Was this hard to get you ask???? Nope not at all. I filed all the paper work, served her with the papers, and showed up to the court room. No lawyers, no nothing. Went in and told the judge our situation and he made an order that day.
Now, when it comes to child support, this is where I have the problem. The goverment here in Canada is paying for her to go to school, paying most of her expenses (i.e. rent, food, gas, all utilities, etc). She lives with her parents. So she has no rent. She has the goverment paying for $600 in "rent", $150 for "food", plus her utilites (which she doesn't have). I see my kids on Saturdays all day. She has the nerve to call and ask me for money. Above and beyond her child support. Which is $250/mnth. (I was off work for three months last year because of a car accident). My kids show up in second hand clothes, dirty shoes, and I'm supposed to not say anything???? |
This is my pet peeve too, eros. I can't stand it when a man won't be a fucking man. When I divorced I received 50/50 custody and was told to pay $400 per month support for one child. But since I want my son taken care of right, which includes his mother staying home with him as she always dreamed of doing, I pay her $500 per WEEK instead and also buy all his clothes and all HER clothes, etc. I financially support the 2 of them 100% in anything they need.
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Interesting to see folks actually quibble over $300 /month for maintenance of a child.
Is this what it supposed to cost? It sure as hell cost me a damned load more than $300 to raise my kids and suspect that's the same in any family. Problems between two adults, whether in a marriage or temporary arrangement, has nothing to do with any children involved. All the excuses and bullshit about Mom being married to Trump, spending support money on drugs etc are different issues. (If he's married to Trump, tell your lawyer - he'll just say you are still the father. If she's on drugs, call the cops.) The breakdown of relationships, tho they obviously affect children, are not their fault - it's the parents who screw up and both are responsible for their kids. It's not even a "legal" issue - any responsible parent with balls would ensure his children have adequate support in their earlier years and be there to back them in adult life. Any guy who seriously thinks he can raise a child on $300 has gotta be in lalaland. The least they can do is throw that "tip" into the pot to cover some costs - cos sure as hell they are not "paying for raising their kids" - others probably end up doing this. Sounds like eroswebmaster is one such person and suspect a high percentage of mothers cover costs in many more cases. |
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the law is the law, if you dont like it, don't impregnate a whore.
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Taking care of them includes taking care of the family you dipshit...that includes a roof over the head...food..car...health care whatever. And just because I did not state that it's taking care of the whole family too does not negate my point...nor prove yours. A man could live alone on $18.5K per year if necessary to provide for his children. I live in Vegas and my monthly nut is $2,500 = $30,000 a year for 4 of us...yeah I could live on $18.5K per year if I had to...it's called budgeting. |
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Try throwing that $2K/month around when you earn $4K pre-tax and then talk. You all talk about your personal "dead-beat" dads while I watched mine go bankrupt sending court ordered checks he couldn't possibly afford. |
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If that poor excuse for a man that is the father of my nieces would even pay just the $350 that would help...I've been shouldering this responsibility for far too long and could use it. |
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if the mother doesn't have a good enough job to pay for her a place for her and her child, that mother shouldn't have the child. if babysitting is an issue, im sure thats something dads would be willing to spend money on, as it goes to the child but i'd sooner pay the babysitter/daycare directly myself so i know she isn't just leaving her with some idiot friend or sleepy elderly relative and pocketing the money. |
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That's called being responsible Donny and maintaining a relationship all round with your children and the woman you married - despite she may no longer be part of a married relationship. She was good enough to be your wife - she is the same person now and why should she not be good enough to continue with an "amended relationship" with the mutual care of your children in mind? Fathers never divorced their kids, - sounds like that's the area of confusion :winkwink: |
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There are obviously cases where men should STFU and take care of there responsibilities. There are also obviously cases where men go bankrupt trying to do just that. -- and -- There are obviously cases where men are just the scum of the Earth. All I'm saying is one size doesn't fit all and current divorce laws often try to fit a square peg in a round whole. If I ever find myself in a custody battle and lose, a court wouldn't have to order me to take care of my children. |
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that would include your spouses rent, and utilites regardless of whether or not she would have to still shelter herself. And those expenses do not end there. I dare you to try and take care of 1 child for only $350 a month, see how far that goes when you need to feed them, shelter them, clothe them, take them to the doctor. Have you ever checked out the costs of daycare? That alone can run you $70-$150 a week depending upon the age of the child etc. So now you only have to pay $350-$400 a month for the child support and the mother is working a job and is still living at or just above the poverty line and all the money she makes including the child support go to just essentials are you going to pick up the slack when the kid needs braces? Needs new school clothes, shoes. Or when the kid wants to play an instrument in the band and you either have to rent or buy? Or when the kid want to join the cub scounts and needs a uniform? etc..etc. No some of these things aren't essentials, but taking care of a kid doesn't end with just clothes food and shelter...but so many parents who pay child support seem to think so. |
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Please stop trying to apply your situation to the general population. |
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Exactly right! Part of being a good father is continuing to love or at least be civil with the child's mother. Most people are too damned selfish to see that hating on the child's mother causes unnecessary stress for the CHILD. They love their mommy and need their daddy to care for their mommy too, know what I mean? So the two parents couldn't stay together for whatever reason... at least be ADULTS about it and be civil for the sake of your children... |
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I will forever stand by my statement...if a guy can't survive on 80% of his income he needs to become more...do more...create more...be more valuable to get paid more. I did and I am NOT exceptional in this regard |
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Face it, you're a complete and total joke and everyone knows that. As for your holier than thou comments regarding your ex, I'd be willing to bet she tells a different story. |
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350 is getting off way cheap, for sure but i don't think this is the average monthly amount for child support is it? i mean, if that is 10-30% of your income, the person must be pretty poor. i think more often than not people are paying 700-1000/month at least in child support. the child only accounts for a percentage of the rent, a percentage of the utilities. would you not use heat if you didn't have a child living there? of course you would. the extra amount you'd need to heat a couple more rooms or rent a place with one or 2 more bedrooms does not account for entire amount spent. like i said if the mother is too broke to afford at least her percentage, something is wrong and she probably shouldn't have the kid or should at least do something about getting a better job. i don't care how much daycare costs either, i'd pay it. i don't care about this 350 lump sum being less, its about seeing where it goes and knowing my child is being taken care of. |
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But obviously you know that not everyone is blessed with the intellegence to acutally do more. I know I've been painted in this disucssion as "pro-deadbeat", but that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm pro-sensibilty -- every cent one can afford should go towards their kids... Bringing your kids to the shetler for visitation weekends isn't all that appealing -- regardless of how many checks you send. |
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Personally, I found roommates...2 of them...to cut my living expenses to the bone. I sold my car that had a payment and bought a beater to get me around knowing that the moment I was living in was not a lifelong sentence. I let credit card payments lapse until I could increase my income/have the effects of cheaper living take hold. I learned how to eat off of $25 a week at the grocery store. I quit smoking...I quit buying a weekly 6-pack of beer. I made sacrifices. And yeah, I was pissed my ex was showing up to drop off my son dressed to the 9's. But the truth of the matter is she was forced into the workplace by the divorce. And while I KNOW the money that bought those nice duds came from my child support payments, without her having the nice duds my son WOULD have been living in squalor. Sacrifices...that's what you do for your child(ren) whether you have custody of them or not. None of what I did took intelligence...it took putting things into perspective and making sacrifices which is what loving parents do -- they very often postpone their own needs and wants for the good of their child(ren) :2 cents: |
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That's what my father did (even though it drove him into bankruptcy and caused MAJOR problems when he remarried) and that's exactly what I would do. After doing all that -- I don't think your choices should be bankruptcy, a shelter, or the streets, though. That's all I'm saying. I know there are deadbeats and SELFISH people out there... most of them should be shot. |
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Not trying to sound like a martyr or saint, but I'm not these kids dad and I have had to sacrifice my wants to meet their needs on many occassions...not to mention my peace of mind taking on the added financial pressure..as well as becoming that guy that's bossing them around instead of the cool uncle who showed up on occassion and gave them presents and spoiled them. |
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