[JOKES] Today's Jokes **No Men Please** - GoFuckYourself.com

Trixxxia · 11-10-2005, 07:35 AM

No offense guys

They are only jokes - we know we can't live without ya

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.

Why did God put men on earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why don't women have men's brains?
Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.

Quickdraw · 11-10-2005, 07:43 AM

What is worse than a male chauvinist?
.
.
.

A woman that won't do what she's told.

No offense ;)

Dirty F · 11-10-2005, 07:45 AM

Women simply dont have humour.

Trixxxia · 11-10-2005, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Franck

Women simply dont have humour.

heheh they're cute jokes Franck, nothing more, nothing less

Dirty F · 11-10-2005, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TopBucksTrixxxia

heheh they're cute jokes Franck, nothing more, nothing less

haha thats exactly the problem. Cute jokes. Women need cuteness in their jokes. That dont work.

Funbrunette · 11-10-2005, 07:48 AM

Thanks for the laugh!

broke · 11-10-2005, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TopBucksTrixxxia

What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.

What's the useless skin around the vagina called?

A woman.

Trixxxia · 11-10-2005, 07:50 AM

Here's a blonde one for you

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Of course."

The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! OK, I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful that any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "OK, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair colour, can I have my dog back?"

cool1 · 11-10-2005, 07:55 AM

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel.

His wife looks over at him and says, ?Honey, I know we?ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.? The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

She then says, ?I don?t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I?ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he?s a better lover than you.? Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.

She says, ?I want the house.? Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 90 mph.

She says, ?I want the kids too.? The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he?s up to 100 mph.

She says, ?I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.? The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, ?Is there anything you want??

The husband says, ?No, I?ve got everything I need right here.? She asks, ?What?s that??

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 120 mph, ?I?ve got the airbag!?

cool1 · 11-10-2005, 08:08 AM

A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother comes to visit. When she arrives, she is shocked to find her daughter standing naked at the front door. "What are you doing!" insists her mother. "Mom, it's my love dress! Don't you like it?" "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

A few weeks later, the mother arrives at her daughter's house once. Again, she is shocked when her naked daughter answers the door to greet her. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my love dress! It keeps the marriage spicy!" "I'll give you a few more weeks," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

Later that night, the mother decides to try it for herself. When her husband arrives home, she greets him at the front door in the nude. "Honey, what are hell are you doing!" remarks the husband. "It's my love dress, dear! What do you think of it?" "Well, to be perfectly honest," replies her husband, "I think you should have ironed it first!"

digga · 11-10-2005, 08:10 AM

what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

nothing. the bitch has been told twice already.

Screaming · 11-10-2005, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cool1

A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother comes to visit. When she arrives, she is shocked to find her daughter standing naked at the front door. "What are you doing!" insists her mother. "Mom, it's my love dress! Don't you like it?" "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

A few weeks later, the mother arrives at her daughter's house once. Again, she is shocked when her naked daughter answers the door to greet her. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my love dress! It keeps the marriage spicy!" "I'll give you a few more weeks," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

Later that night, the mother decides to try it for herself. When her husband arrives home, she greets him at the front door in the nude. "Honey, what are hell are you doing!" remarks the husband. "It's my love dress, dear! What do you think of it?" "Well, to be perfectly honest," replies her husband, "I think you should have ironed it first!"

now that was good lol.

gangbangjoe · 11-10-2005, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by broke

What's the useless skin around the vagina called?

A woman.

bingoooo

Trixxxia · 11-10-2005, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cool1

A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother comes to visit. When she arrives, she is shocked to find her daughter standing naked at the front door. "What are you doing!" insists her mother. "Mom, it's my love dress! Don't you like it?" "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

A few weeks later, the mother arrives at her daughter's house once. Again, she is shocked when her naked daughter answers the door to greet her. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my love dress! It keeps the marriage spicy!" "I'll give you a few more weeks," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

Later that night, the mother decides to try it for herself. When her husband arrives home, she greets him at the front door in the nude. "Honey, what are hell are you doing!" remarks the husband. "It's my love dress, dear! What do you think of it?" "Well, to be perfectly honest," replies her husband, "I think you should have ironed it first!"

LMAO!!! Good one!

Ross · 11-10-2005, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TopBucksTrixxxia

No offense guys

They are only jokes - we know we can't live without ya

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.

Why did God put men on earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why don't women have men's brains?
Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.

HAHA I like them :P

11-10-2005, 07:35 AM	#1
Trixxxia Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 5,600	[JOKES] Today's Jokes No Men Please No offense guys They are only jokes - we know we can't live without ya Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut. Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg? They won't stop to ask directions. Why did God put men on earth? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn. Why don't women have men's brains? Because they don't have penises to keep them in. What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.

11-10-2005, 07:48 AM	#6
Funbrunette Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 4,834	Thanks for the laugh! __________________ Stephanie (Funbrunette) [email protected] ICQ: 155-713-409

11-10-2005, 07:55 AM	#9
cool1 sex is good Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Carman, MB Canada Posts: 24,939	A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, ?Honey, I know we?ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.? The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph. She then says, ?I don?t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I?ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he?s a better lover than you.? Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. She says, ?I want the house.? Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 90 mph. She says, ?I want the kids too.? The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he?s up to 100 mph. She says, ?I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.? The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, ?Is there anything you want?? The husband says, ?No, I?ve got everything I need right here.? She asks, ?What?s that?? The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 120 mph, ?I?ve got the airbag!? __________________

11-10-2005, 08:08 AM	#10
cool1 sex is good Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Carman, MB Canada Posts: 24,939	A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother comes to visit. When she arrives, she is shocked to find her daughter standing naked at the front door. "What are you doing!" insists her mother. "Mom, it's my love dress! Don't you like it?" "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car. A few weeks later, the mother arrives at her daughter's house once. Again, she is shocked when her naked daughter answers the door to greet her. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my love dress! It keeps the marriage spicy!" "I'll give you a few more weeks," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car. Later that night, the mother decides to try it for herself. When her husband arrives home, she greets him at the front door in the nude. "Honey, what are hell are you doing!" remarks the husband. "It's my love dress, dear! What do you think of it?" "Well, to be perfectly honest," replies her husband, "I think you should have ironed it first!" __________________

11-10-2005, 08:10 AM	#11
digga Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: e-town Posts: 582	what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? nothing. the bitch has been told twice already. __________________ Buy Some Porn \| Taking Over The Net \| Quik-Host

11-10-2005, 07:43 AM	#2
Quickdraw Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: → → → Posts: 1,717	What is worse than a male chauvinist? . . . A woman that won't do what she's told. No offense ;)

11-10-2005, 07:45 AM	#3
Dirty F Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 59,204	Women simply dont have humour.

11-10-2005, 07:50 AM	#8
Trixxxia Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 5,600	Here's a blonde one for you Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! OK, I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful that any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "OK, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair colour, can I have my dog back?"