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Discuss what's fucking going on, and which programs are best and worst. One-time "program" announcements from "established" webmasters are allowed. |
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#1 |
Workin With The Devil
Industry Role:
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 51,532
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World's Best Divorce Letter
Dear Connie,
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'm never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the f*cking remote is. Love, Dan |
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#2 |
Outside looking in.
Industry Role:
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: To Hell You Ride
Posts: 14,243
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lmao, I bet that got him a long way.
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#3 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 513
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haha, talk about a slap in the face
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#4 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 100
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FUNNY stuff thanks for posting it
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#5 | |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 51,692
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Quote:
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#6 | |
Workin With The Devil
Industry Role:
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 51,532
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Quote:
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#7 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,090
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That guy is a real diplomat
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#8 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Costa Rica
Posts: 3,603
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That was a long one to read!
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Rosalia M. ICQ.12150439 Skype. cherrylipsrosa |
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#9 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Phone Sex Pays! Believe it!
Posts: 3,437
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Excellent! You know, if you ever find a bed whore, shes a keeper.
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#10 |
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Hell
Posts: 14
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haha, that's just too great
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#11 |
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Hell
Posts: 14
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And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that
gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. |
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#12 |
I like Dutch Girls
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dutchteencash.com
Posts: 21,684
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lol that was funny
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![]() ICQ 16 91 547 - SKYPE dutchteencash bob AT dutchteencash DOT com ... did you see our newest Sweet Natural Girl Priscilla (18)? |
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#13 |
Just call me Tala! :)
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: TECHIEMEDIA - the only host you'll ever need! (Did I mention that their techs ROCK?? Ask me about them.)
Posts: 1,499
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Dear Dan,
Thank you for the moving letter you sent me. It was wonderful to see you pouring out your heart to me, and to know that I've been on your mind. You've been on my mind recently too. I miss you, more than I ever thought I would. And much like you, I turned to the affections of an outsider. He's tall and handsome, and he reminds me of when you and I first met - you were so dashing and handsome before you acquired your beer gut and started going bald - and he likes to take his time in bed, just like you used to do when we first got together. I cried my eyes out the first time he made love to me - his tongue moved perfectly, and he didn't seem to mind my hands clenching into fists in his hair to hold his head in the right places. It reminded me of you before we married and my heart cried out for you the whole time. Vicky told me all about her visits, and I thank goodness for her through this trying time in our lives. She's a very smart girl for 15, but she's trying to make sure Mom doesn't find out about the pregnancy for at least another couple of months. Please encourage her to go to the doctor - herpes tends to get nasty after a while, and if she's going to keep the baby, she needs to be on medication. I would have loved a chance to make things right between us, but I don't want herpes. Besides, there would be no way I'd ever get the remote back from Allan, (sorry, he found it while he was spending the night a few nights ago and now he uses it all the time). Love, Connie
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SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60. Let me repeat... A 120 x 60 button and no more that 3 lines of DEFAULT SIZE AND COLOR text. |
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#14 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,610
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the f*cking remote yeah?
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![]() ICQ 247-856-194 E-mail [email protected] AIM / Yahoo! ltdanielross MSN [email protected] |
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#15 |
jellyfish
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Posts: 71,528
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#16 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,519
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I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring
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#17 |
Jägermeister Test Pilot
Industry Role:
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: NORCAL
Posts: 74,038
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Funny shit man!
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“The choice is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal and crazy.” - Sarah Huckabee Sanders YNOT MAIL | THE BEST ADULT MAILING SOLUTION |
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#18 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 356
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That's really funny!
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#19 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Carpal Tunnel
Posts: 2,616
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So fucking funny lol
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#20 |
Vrume Mark
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 20,912
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Lmfao!!
Dh |
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#21 |
Workin With The Devil
Industry Role:
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 51,532
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bump bump
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#22 |
I need a beer
![]() Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠
Posts: 133,944
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Perfect..great letter
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#23 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: on.themove
Posts: 235
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Quote:
TY ![]()
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multi-dimensional traffic acquisition expert / marketing consultant / large volume traffic brokering
[ email ] sean.at.thevideohunt.com [ icq ] 191.641.086 |
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#24 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: usa
Posts: 5,141
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Those letters were some of the best reads I've had on GFY :-)
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#25 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: TO
Posts: 8,619
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Quote:
Ha ha |
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#26 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,846
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how very touching. I like it.
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