World's Best Divorce Letter - GoFuckYourself.com

Pete-KT · 10-31-2005, 09:23 AM

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I
swore

I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in
me
talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In
my
fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess
my
pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of
things.
I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad

anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us
does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this
is
what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in
the
eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not
even

close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home
with

me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my

desperation.

She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only
youth
and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a
perfect

body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit.

Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this
stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives.

It's all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in
this

case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better
person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive
Connie? I

doubt it. And I'm never really thought of that before.

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm
tossed
her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why
do I

feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her

slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of
loss.
Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the
same
because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing
feels
the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you.
And
everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge
last

year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she

figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what
she

meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're
banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the
sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when
she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids
can
hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your
grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle
it,
right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me
sad,

too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror
on
the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never
used
it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on
her
shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.
She's

given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's

pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're
doing
Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times.
Here's
this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of
how
much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me
cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that
gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see
how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring,
all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know
it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances
away
and start fresh? I think we can.
If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.
Otherwise, can you let me know where the f*cking remote is.

Love, Dan

DateDoc · 10-31-2005, 09:34 AM

lmao, I bet that got him a long way.

CT · 10-31-2005, 09:38 AM

haha, talk about a slap in the face

KapstA · 10-31-2005, 09:39 AM

FUNNY stuff thanks for posting it

Doctor Dre · 10-31-2005, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NichePay_PeteKT

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.
The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking.

Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of
things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us
does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this
is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in
the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not
even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home
with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.
She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only
youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a
perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit.

Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this
stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives.

It's all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in
this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better
person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive
Connie? I doubt it. And I'm never really thought of that before.

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm
tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why
do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of
loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the
same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you.

And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge
last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what
she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're
banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the
sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when
she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids
can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your
grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle
it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me
sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror
on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never
used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on
her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.
She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're
doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times.
Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of
how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see
how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring,
all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know
it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances
away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the f*cking remote is.

Love, Dan

Just fixed it ... that's why I'm quoting

Pete-KT · 10-31-2005, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doctor Dre

Just fixed it ... that's why I'm quoting

Thanks dre, i was going to But had to fix a script

J-$ · 10-31-2005, 10:01 AM

That guy is a real diplomat

CherryLipsRosa · 10-31-2005, 10:04 AM

That was a long one to read!

phonesex · 10-31-2005, 10:07 AM

Excellent! You know, if you ever find a bed whore, shes a keeper.

ryan37829 · 10-31-2005, 10:09 AM

haha, that's just too great

ryan37829 · 10-31-2005, 10:10 AM

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that
gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see
how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring,
all I can do is think of you.

DutchTeenCash · 10-31-2005, 10:14 AM

lol that was funny

poppet · 10-31-2005, 10:17 AM

Dear Dan,

Thank you for the moving letter you sent me. It was wonderful to see you pouring out your heart to me, and to know that I've been on your mind.

You've been on my mind recently too. I miss you, more than I ever thought I would. And much like you, I turned to the affections of an outsider.

He's tall and handsome, and he reminds me of when you and I first met - you were so dashing and handsome before you acquired your beer gut and started going bald - and he likes to take his time in bed, just like you used to do when we first got together.

I cried my eyes out the first time he made love to me - his tongue moved perfectly, and he didn't seem to mind my hands clenching into fists in his hair to hold his head in the right places. It reminded me of you before we married and my heart cried out for you the whole time.

Vicky told me all about her visits, and I thank goodness for her through this trying time in our lives. She's a very smart girl for 15, but she's trying to make sure Mom doesn't find out about the pregnancy for at least another couple of months. Please encourage her to go to the doctor - herpes tends to get nasty after a while, and if she's going to keep the baby, she needs to be on medication.

I would have loved a chance to make things right between us, but I don't want herpes. Besides, there would be no way I'd ever get the remote back from Allan, (sorry, he found it while he was spending the night a few nights ago and now he uses it all the time).

Love,
Connie

Egypt[4TH-Reactor] · 10-31-2005, 10:21 AM

the f*cking remote yeah?

Cool.

Manowar · 10-31-2005, 10:24 AM

ATL_Ryan · 10-31-2005, 10:26 AM

I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring

Rochard · 10-31-2005, 10:30 AM

Funny shit man!

JOELK · 10-31-2005, 10:41 AM

That's really funny!

Brad Gosse · 10-31-2005, 10:52 AM

So fucking funny lol

GTS Mark · 10-31-2005, 10:53 AM

Lmfao!!

Dh

Pete-KT · 10-31-2005, 10:14 PM

bump bump

Spunky · 10-31-2005, 10:19 PM

Perfect..great letter

subVERSION · 10-31-2005, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doctor Dre

Just fixed it ... that's why I'm quoting

TY

I was not going to read it.

adultchica · 10-31-2005, 10:28 PM

Those letters were some of the best reads I've had on GFY :-)

Kevsh · 10-31-2005, 10:29 PM

Quote:

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm
tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt

I really laughed out loud at that. The way he writes it so non-chalantly.
Ha ha

je_rome · 11-02-2005, 03:13 AM

how very touching. I like it.

10-31-2005, 09:23 AM	#1
Pete-KT Workin With The Devil Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: West Bloomfield, MI Posts: 51,532	World's Best Divorce Letter Dear Connie, I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'm never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the f*cking remote is. Love, Dan

10-31-2005, 09:34 AM	#2
DateDoc Outside looking in. Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: To Hell You Ride Posts: 14,243	lmao, I bet that got him a long way. __________________

10-31-2005, 09:39 AM	#4
KapstA Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 100	FUNNY stuff thanks for posting it __________________ Gabe [email protected] ICQ# 150-481-662

10-31-2005, 10:01 AM	#7
J-$ Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 2,090	That guy is a real diplomat __________________

10-31-2005, 10:04 AM	#8
CherryLipsRosa Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Costa Rica Posts: 3,603	That was a long one to read! __________________ Rosalia M. ICQ.12150439 Skype. cherrylipsrosa

10-31-2005, 09:38 AM	#3
CT Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 513	haha, talk about a slap in the face

10-31-2005, 10:07 AM	#9
phonesex Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Phone Sex Pays! Believe it! Posts: 3,437	Excellent! You know, if you ever find a bed whore, shes a keeper. __________________ Phone Sex Pays Make $1.50 a minute! CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP NOW

10-31-2005, 10:09 AM	#10
ryan37829 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Hell Posts: 14	haha, that's just too great

10-31-2005, 10:10 AM	#11
ryan37829 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Hell Posts: 14	And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you.

10-31-2005, 10:14 AM	#12
DutchTeenCash I like Dutch Girls Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: dutchteencash.com Posts: 21,684	lol that was funny __________________ ICQ 16 91 547 - SKYPE dutchteencash bob AT dutchteencash DOT com ... did you see our newest Sweet Natural Girl Priscilla (18)?

10-31-2005, 10:17 AM	#13
poppet Just call me Tala! :) Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: TECHIEMEDIA - the only host you'll ever need! (Did I mention that their techs ROCK?? Ask me about them.) Posts: 1,499	Dear Dan, Thank you for the moving letter you sent me. It was wonderful to see you pouring out your heart to me, and to know that I've been on your mind. You've been on my mind recently too. I miss you, more than I ever thought I would. And much like you, I turned to the affections of an outsider. He's tall and handsome, and he reminds me of when you and I first met - you were so dashing and handsome before you acquired your beer gut and started going bald - and he likes to take his time in bed, just like you used to do when we first got together. I cried my eyes out the first time he made love to me - his tongue moved perfectly, and he didn't seem to mind my hands clenching into fists in his hair to hold his head in the right places. It reminded me of you before we married and my heart cried out for you the whole time. Vicky told me all about her visits, and I thank goodness for her through this trying time in our lives. She's a very smart girl for 15, but she's trying to make sure Mom doesn't find out about the pregnancy for at least another couple of months. Please encourage her to go to the doctor - herpes tends to get nasty after a while, and if she's going to keep the baby, she needs to be on medication. I would have loved a chance to make things right between us, but I don't want herpes. Besides, there would be no way I'd ever get the remote back from Allan, (sorry, he found it while he was spending the night a few nights ago and now he uses it all the time). Love, Connie __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60. Let me repeat... A 120 x 60 button and no more that 3 lines of DEFAULT SIZE AND COLOR text.

10-31-2005, 10:21 AM	#14
Egypt[4TH-Reactor] Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Europe Posts: 1,610	the fcking remote yeah? Cool. __________________ ICQ* 247-856-194 E-mail [email protected] AIM / Yahoo! ltdanielross MSN [email protected]

10-31-2005, 10:24 AM	#15
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528

10-31-2005, 10:26 AM	#16
ATL_Ryan Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 1,519	I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring

10-31-2005, 10:30 AM	#17
Rochard Jägermeister Test Pilot Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: NORCAL Posts: 74,038	Funny shit man! __________________ “The choice is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal and crazy.” - Sarah Huckabee Sanders YNOT MAIL \| THE BEST ADULT MAILING SOLUTION

10-31-2005, 10:41 AM	#18
JOELK Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 356	That's really funny! __________________ Joel Kapp WebmasterCentral.com [email protected] ICQ# 347983177 Skype joel.kapp

10-31-2005, 10:52 AM	#19
Brad Gosse Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Carpal Tunnel Posts: 2,616	So fucking funny lol __________________ Free Clipart

10-31-2005, 10:53 AM	#20
GTS Mark Vrume Mark Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 20,912	Lmfao!! Dh

10-31-2005, 10:14 PM	#21
Pete-KT Workin With The Devil Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: West Bloomfield, MI Posts: 51,532	bump bump

10-31-2005, 10:19 PM	#22
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,944	Perfect..great letter __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

10-31-2005, 10:28 PM	#24
adultchica Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: usa Posts: 5,141	Those letters were some of the best reads I've had on GFY :-) __________________

11-02-2005, 03:13 AM	#26
je_rome Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,846	how very touching. I like it. __________________ Make money on any traffic. Join KlikRevenue.com Today!