Now THIS guy knows how to fuck with telemarketers - GoFuckYourself.com

CDSmith · 06-14-2005, 05:39 AM

Now THIS guy knows how to fuck with telemarketers

I have no idea if this is legit or what, but this guy is fucking GREAT....

Dude: (using gruff gravelly old-guy-type voice) "H-hello?" (must have had call display)
Telemarketer: "Hello, is this mr xxxxx Jones?"
Dude: "yes"
Telemarketer: "Hi I'm calling you about a special offer on a premium membership to xxxxxx Fitness Center, we have..."
Dude: "Are... are... you have a gym?"
Telemarketer: "Yes sir, this is about a gym membership for you at a special pri..."
Dude: "Ohh I love the gym..."
Telemarketer: "Well that's great sir, then you'll love our...."
Dude: "Ohh YES I really really love the gym"
Telemarketer: "(slight snicker) Well that's great sir, have you ever been a member of a gym before?"
Dude: "Oh yesss I have! I.. I did go before. I have special needs you know, can... can I be picked up to go there?"
Telemarketer: "Uhmmm... no we can't pick you up, but..."
Dude: "I have a tube, and that was a problem before you know. S-say.... can I get a trainer chick?"
Telemarketer: "A tube? What.... oh yes we can get you a trainer if you need one...."
Dude: "Yeaahhh I have a colostomy, so the trainer chick has to be quick to get out of the way if the tube... you know.... if something shoots out of it"
Telemarketer: "Ahh well we can't really....."
Dude: "I once lifted a whole four pounds...."
Telemarketer: "Uhhh...."
Dude: "...with my penis"
Telemarketer: "Uhhh....sir I can shoot you a call later tonigh...."
Dude: "Oh this will be sooo great to get out of the house! I hope the cleaning staff at the gym doesn't have weak stomachs about cleaning messes"
Telemarketer: "Okay sir... (nervous chuckle) I..I'll shoot you a call later tonight"
Dude: "Okay, thank you, thank you kind sir.... bye now"
Telemarketer: "Bye"

mcmc · 06-14-2005, 05:42 AM

LOL, thats a good one!

neverlearn · 06-14-2005, 05:47 AM

y'know I telemarketed before Igt into the web and it sucked.
heres what I say
TM: HI my name is is Joe andd i work for the "newspaper"
ME: HI JOE ARE YOU SELLING SOMETHING OR IS THIS A SURVEY?
TM WELL , no, I am calling on behalf of the ....
ME: *click*

PornAddict · 06-14-2005, 08:27 AM

About 2 months ago, two chicks showed up at my door... which was odd because I didn't have to pay them. Anyway, when I answered they started into their religious monologue. Apparantely, they were Mormons and were looking to brainwash some new people into joining their cult. I figured I'd have a little fun with them so when she asked something along the lines of "Would you be interested in hearing more about the Mormom religion" I looked at her square in the eye and said (in a calm yet deep voice), "I only worship one lord... the dark lord" and then crossed my arms in front on my chest (to make an X) and then lowered my head.

When I peeked up, both of their jaws had hit the floor. It was awesome. It was if time had stood still and they were paralyzed. I then said, "I'm just fucking with you." and sent them on their way.

To this day, my girlfriend and I still laugh about it.

- PornAddict

sickkittens · 06-14-2005, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PornAddict

About 2 months ago, two chicks showed up at my door... which was odd because I didn't have to pay them. Anyway, when I answered they started into their religious monologue. Apparantely, they were Mormons and were looking to brainwash some new people into joining their cult. I figured I'd have a little fun with them so when she asked something along the lines of "Would you be interested in hearing more about the Mormom religion" I looked at her square in the eye and said (in a calm yet deep voice), "I only worship one lord... the dark lord" and then crossed my arms in front on my chest (to make an X) and then lowered my head.

When I peeked up, both of their jaws had hit the floor. It was awesome. It was if time had stood still and they were paralyzed. I then said, "I'm just fucking with you." and sent them on their way.

To this day, my girlfriend and I still laugh about it.

- PornAddict

You should have offered them some porn.

HammerALL · 06-14-2005, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PornAddict

About 2 months ago, two chicks showed up at my door... which was odd because I didn't have to pay them. Anyway, when I answered they started into their religious monologue. Apparantely, they were Mormons and were looking to brainwash some new people into joining their cult. I figured I'd have a little fun with them so when she asked something along the lines of "Would you be interested in hearing more about the Mormom religion" I looked at her square in the eye and said (in a calm yet deep voice), "I only worship one lord... the dark lord" and then crossed my arms in front on my chest (to make an X) and then lowered my head.

When I peeked up, both of their jaws had hit the floor. It was awesome. It was if time had stood still and they were paralyzed. I then said, "I'm just fucking with you." and sent them on their way.

To this day, my girlfriend and I still laugh about it.

- PornAddict

That's fucking AWESOME!!!

PornAddict · 06-14-2005, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sickkittens

You should have offered them some porn.

Suprisingly enough, both were mildly cute and about 21-23. I was editing porn at the time, though.

- PornAddict

SinSational · 06-14-2005, 08:35 AM

i've resorted to not answering the home phone.....at all. people who need to get in touch with me have my cell.

Doctor Dre · 06-14-2005, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PornAddict

About 2 months ago, two chicks showed up at my door... which was odd because I didn't have to pay them. Anyway, when I answered they started into their religious monologue. Apparantely, they were Mormons and were looking to brainwash some new people into joining their cult. I figured I'd have a little fun with them so when she asked something along the lines of "Would you be interested in hearing more about the Mormom religion" I looked at her square in the eye and said (in a calm yet deep voice), "I only worship one lord... the dark lord" and then crossed my arms in front on my chest (to make an X) and then lowered my head.

When I peeked up, both of their jaws had hit the floor. It was awesome. It was if time had stood still and they were paralyzed. I then said, "I'm just fucking with you." and sent them on their way.

To this day, my girlfriend and I still laugh about it.

- PornAddict

My friend invited them to a dinner ... he made all kind of satanic display and got his "bible by the devil" out and started talking about satan. They never came back . ever

flirty · 06-14-2005, 08:58 AM

poor telemarketers.... that is the major reason why i never considered working in telemarketing. i wouldn't want to encounter such CD Smith, Porn Addict nor Neverlearn on the phone ...............mwhahahahahaha

LittleSassy · 06-14-2005, 09:18 AM

this is too good to be true!!

Rui · 06-14-2005, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PornAddict

About 2 months ago, two chicks showed up at my door... which was odd because I didn't have to pay them. Anyway, when I answered they started into their religious monologue. Apparantely, they were Mormons and were looking to brainwash some new people into joining their cult. I figured I'd have a little fun with them so when she asked something along the lines of "Would you be interested in hearing more about the Mormom religion" I looked at her square in the eye and said (in a calm yet deep voice), "I only worship one lord... the dark lord" and then crossed my arms in front on my chest (to make an X) and then lowered my head.

When I peeked up, both of their jaws had hit the floor. It was awesome. It was if time had stood still and they were paralyzed. I then said, "I'm just fucking with you." and sent them on their way.

To this day, my girlfriend and I still laugh about it.

- PornAddict

hahahah would love to be there to see it

Brad Gosse · 06-14-2005, 10:30 AM

Sooooo funny. I used to run a telemarketing office with 36 employees. That was before the days of call display so whenever someone was an asshole we would put them on our crank call shit list and harass them on weekends.

Now I fuck with them when they call my house. I have come full circle.

CDSmith · 06-14-2005, 10:33 AM

Jeez, shortly after I posted that a telemarketer called, this time for Bank of Montreal,

it went something like this....

Me: "Hello?"

Her: "Yes, is this mr Smith?"

Me: "Could be, who is this?"

Her: "I am calling from the Bank of Montreal"

Me: "Yeahhh I'm probably not going to be interested in this"

Her: "Well I'm calling about their low-intrest Mastercard that...."

Me: "Yeah I'm definitely not interested in it"

Her: "Is that because you already have other credit cards?"

Me: "It's because I'm just not interested in it"

Her: "Okay (and at that point I thought the conversation was over, but it wasn't), the Bank of Montreal Mastercard is blah blah blah % interest blah blah and it has blah blah..."

Me: "I'm sorry, I may not have said it right before so I'll say it again.... I'm...... not..... interested.... in..... that"

Her: "Alright sir, then you have a nice..."

Me: *CLICK* (hung up)

What part of "I'm not interested" didn't she get the first time I said it?

I'm thinking brain-dead bitch... but that may be the coffee talking. I'm on cup #7 right now.

NTSS · 06-14-2005, 10:36 AM

Oh that's funny as hell.....lol

CDSmith · 06-14-2005, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brad Gosse

Sooooo funny. I used to run a telemarketing office with 36 employees. That was before the days of call display so whenever someone was an asshole we would put them on our crank call shit list and harass them on weekends.

Now I fuck with them when they call my house. I have come full circle.

About a year and a half ago I started using the technique of just screening my calls, especially the long distance ones from 1-800 and 1-866 numbers..... and letting my machine handle them. Then, after the same telemarketer calls me several times in a week, at some point I will finally answer their call, see who it is, then politely excuse myself for a second saying "I have something on the stove, don't go away I'll be right back".... then walking away and leaving the phone sitting there. :D

After about 10 or 15 minutes I go back and of course they're gone.... and I hang the phone back up.

They never fucking call me again.

It's the "Andy Rooney" method of handling the chronic callers.

Crypt · 06-14-2005, 10:44 AM

This guy is funny as well for telemarketer stuff : Link

Especially the retard mp3 one hehe

broke · 06-14-2005, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SinSational

i've resorted to not answering the home phone.....at all. people who need to get in touch with me have my cell.

I've done something something pretty close...

Don't answer the home and ridded myself of the ball and chain commonly referred to as a "cell".

Life has never been better.

CDSmith · 06-14-2005, 10:50 AM

The Seinfeld technique is excellent too.

You: "I'm a bit busy right now, can I get your home phone # and I'll call you about this later?"

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry sir, we can't give out our home phone numbers"

You: "Ah, that's because you don't want people phoning you at home and bugging you about stuff in your off hours, right?"

Telemarketer: "That's correct sir"

You: "Well now you know how *I* feel"

...and you hang up.

:D

Manowar · 06-14-2005, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CDSmith

The Seinfeld technique is excellent too.

You: "I'm a bit busy right now, can I get your home phone # and I'll call you about this later?"

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry sir, we can't give out our home phone numbers"

You: "Ah, that's because you don't want people phoning you at home and bugging you about stuff in your off hours, right?"

Telemarketer: "That's correct sir"

You: "Well now you know how *I* feel"

...and you hang up.

:D

Babagirls · 06-14-2005, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CDSmith

The Seinfeld technique is excellent too.

You: "I'm a bit busy right now, can I get your home phone # and I'll call you about this later?"

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry sir, we can't give out our home phone numbers"

You: "Ah, that's because you don't want people phoning you at home and bugging you about stuff in your off hours, right?"

Telemarketer: "That's correct sir"

You: "Well now you know how *I* feel"

...and you hang up.

:D

JJ Gold · 06-14-2005, 11:17 AM

I used to fuck with telemarketers by trying to engage them in phone sex.

"What are you wearing?"
"My cock is so hard"

at first I just did it to chicks but then I discovered that it was even funnier when dudes would flip out.

I once had this exchange with a female telemarketer

Me: "hey baby......what are you wearing?"
Her: "um.......shorts........t-shirt and some sandles"

WTF?? I thought for a minute she was down but it turned out she was just the most stupid bitch on the planet.

axelcat · 06-14-2005, 11:17 AM

TheJimmy · 06-14-2005, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crypt

This guy is funny as well for telemarketer stuff : Link

Especially the retard mp3 one hehe

man I love that shit, I remember you showing me the link a year or two ago...

the Horny Priests one still cracks me up!

VeriSexy · 06-14-2005, 12:30 PM

LMAO, poor guy just trying to do his job. Guess it makes it more interesting

BukkakeBrown · 06-14-2005, 12:35 PM

lol thats good

CDSmith · 06-14-2005, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VeriSexy

LMAO, poor guy just trying to do his job.

I have absolutely zero pity for telemarketers when someone gives them the gears like that guy did. If you're going to be taking a job where you have to phone-spam people you better know that some people are going to retaliate back. Goes with the territory.

...and... it's so damn fun. :D

HpicAnn · 06-14-2005, 02:26 PM

That was very funny!!

06-14-2005, 05:39 AM	#1
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Now THIS guy knows how to fuck with telemarketers Now THIS guy knows how to fuck with telemarketers I have no idea if this is legit or what, but this guy is fucking GREAT.... Dude: (using gruff gravelly old-guy-type voice) "H-hello?" (must have had call display) Telemarketer: "Hello, is this mr xxxxx Jones?" Dude: "yes" Telemarketer: "Hi I'm calling you about a special offer on a premium membership to xxxxxx Fitness Center, we have..." Dude: "Are... are... you have a gym?" Telemarketer: "Yes sir, this is about a gym membership for you at a special pri..." Dude: "Ohh I love the gym..." Telemarketer: "Well that's great sir, then you'll love our...." Dude: "Ohh YES I really really love the gym" Telemarketer: "(slight snicker) Well that's great sir, have you ever been a member of a gym before?" Dude: "Oh yesss I have! I.. I did go before. I have special needs you know, can... can I be picked up to go there?" Telemarketer: "Uhmmm... no we can't pick you up, but..." Dude: "I have a tube, and that was a problem before you know. S-say.... can I get a trainer chick?" Telemarketer: "A tube? What.... oh yes we can get you a trainer if you need one...." Dude: "Yeaahhh I have a colostomy, so the trainer chick has to be quick to get out of the way if the tube... you know.... if something shoots out of it" Telemarketer: "Ahh well we can't really....." Dude: "I once lifted a whole four pounds...." Telemarketer: "Uhhh...." Dude: "...with my penis" Telemarketer: "Uhhh....sir I can shoot you a call later tonigh...." Dude: "Oh this will be sooo great to get out of the house! I hope the cleaning staff at the gym doesn't have weak stomachs about cleaning messes" Telemarketer: "Okay sir... (nervous chuckle) I..I'll shoot you a call later tonight" Dude: "Okay, thank you, thank you kind sir.... bye now" Telemarketer: "Bye" __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

06-14-2005, 05:42 AM	#2
mcmc Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Switzerland Posts: 1,705	LOL, thats a good one! __________________ http://www.AdultDVDdb.com Conversion: 1:149 (so far this year with more than 650 000 unique hits) @ http://www.pimproll.com

06-14-2005, 05:47 AM	#3
neverlearn Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Banners, FPA, HPA, FLASH, Illustration, Web Design, Print, posters, business cards, LOGOS ...ICQ 210-450-833 Posts: 2,085	y'know I telemarketed before Igt into the web and it sucked. heres what I say TM: HI my name is is Joe andd i work for the "newspaper" ME: HI JOE ARE YOU SELLING SOMETHING OR IS THIS A SURVEY? TM WELL , no, I am calling on behalf of the .... ME: click __________________ DICK TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60. Let me repeat... A 120 x 60 button and no more that 3 lines of DEFAULT SIZE AND COLOR text.

06-14-2005, 08:35 AM	#8
SinSational Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 1,723	i've resorted to not answering the home phone.....at all. people who need to get in touch with me have my cell. __________________ ICQ# 273099174 - monthly specials - 2 Month Free Credit on All Plans - 100% Referrals - chris@ for details Virtual from $14.95/month, Dedicated from $149.95/month Dual-Core Xeon > 1000GB @ $149.95 \| 1500GB @ $169.95 \| 10Mbps @ $269.95

06-14-2005, 09:18 AM	#11
LittleSassy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: behind you Posts: 7,402	this is too good to be true!! __________________ Proadultoutsourcing.com ~ version 2.0 OFFSHORE SOLUTIONS PROVIDER SINCE 2003 ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE 264-580-554

06-14-2005, 08:27 AM	#4
PornAddict Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: New Jersey Posts: 1,401	About 2 months ago, two chicks showed up at my door... which was odd because I didn't have to pay them. Anyway, when I answered they started into their religious monologue. Apparantely, they were Mormons and were looking to brainwash some new people into joining their cult. I figured I'd have a little fun with them so when she asked something along the lines of "Would you be interested in hearing more about the Mormom religion" I looked at her square in the eye and said (in a calm yet deep voice), "I only worship one lord... the dark lord" and then crossed my arms in front on my chest (to make an X) and then lowered my head. When I peeked up, both of their jaws had hit the floor. It was awesome. It was if time had stood still and they were paralyzed. I then said, "I'm just fucking with you." and sent them on their way. To this day, my girlfriend and I still laugh about it. - PornAddict

06-14-2005, 08:58 AM	#10
flirty Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 2,840	poor telemarketers.... that is the major reason why i never considered working in telemarketing. i wouldn't want to encounter such CD Smith, Porn Addict nor Neverlearn on the phone ...............mwhahahahahaha

06-14-2005, 10:30 AM	#13
Brad Gosse Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Carpal Tunnel Posts: 2,616	Sooooo funny. I used to run a telemarketing office with 36 employees. That was before the days of call display so whenever someone was an asshole we would put them on our crank call shit list and harass them on weekends. Now I fuck with them when they call my house. I have come full circle. __________________ Free Clipart

06-14-2005, 10:33 AM	#14
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Jeez, shortly after I posted that a telemarketer called, this time for Bank of Montreal, it went something like this.... Me: "Hello?" Her: "Yes, is this mr Smith?" Me: "Could be, who is this?" Her: "I am calling from the Bank of Montreal" Me: "Yeahhh I'm probably not going to be interested in this" Her: "Well I'm calling about their low-intrest Mastercard that...." Me: "Yeah I'm definitely not interested in it" Her: "Is that because you already have other credit cards?" Me: "It's because I'm just not interested in it" Her: "Okay (and at that point I thought the conversation was over, but it wasn't), the Bank of Montreal Mastercard is blah blah blah % interest blah blah and it has blah blah..." Me: "I'm sorry, I may not have said it right before so I'll say it again.... I'm...... not..... interested.... in..... that" Her: "Alright sir, then you have a nice..." Me: CLICK (hung up) What part of "I'm not interested" didn't she get the first time I said it? I'm thinking brain-dead bitch... but that may be the coffee talking. I'm on cup #7 right now. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

06-14-2005, 10:36 AM	#15
NTSS Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Da Hood Posts: 5,688	Oh that's funny as hell.....lol __________________ ICQ: 150-803-430 Email: marketing7(at)cox(dot)net

06-14-2005, 10:44 AM	#17
Crypt Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 2,225	This guy is funny as well for telemarketer stuff : Link Especially the retard mp3 one hehe

06-14-2005, 10:50 AM	#19
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	The Seinfeld technique is excellent too. You: "I'm a bit busy right now, can I get your home phone # and I'll call you about this later?" Telemarketer: "I'm sorry sir, we can't give out our home phone numbers" You: "Ah, that's because you don't want people phoning you at home and bugging you about stuff in your off hours, right?" Telemarketer: "That's correct sir" You: "Well now you know how I feel" ...and you hang up. :D __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

06-14-2005, 11:17 AM	#22
JJ Gold Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 1,969	I used to fuck with telemarketers by trying to engage them in phone sex. "What are you wearing?" "My cock is so hard" at first I just did it to chicks but then I discovered that it was even funnier when dudes would flip out. I once had this exchange with a female telemarketer Me: "hey baby......what are you wearing?" Her: "um.......shorts........t-shirt and some sandles" WTF?? I thought for a minute she was down but it turned out she was just the most stupid bitch on the planet.

06-14-2005, 11:17 AM	#23
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450

06-14-2005, 12:30 PM	#25
VeriSexy Join The Royal Family Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 25,463	LMAO, poor guy just trying to do his job. Guess it makes it more interesting __________________ Looking for a KICK ASS TEEN SPONSOR? Check out ROYAL CASH - THE KING OF TEEN! Incredible webmaster tools FHGs, Morphing Blog and RSS Feeds, Embedded FLV & WMV Videos. With TOP RATIO Sites like TeenStarsOnly.com - Earn $$ with our New Site & Bonus Payouts!! ATMovs.com \| iTeenVideo.com \| TeenSexMovs.com \| TeenSexMania.com

06-14-2005, 12:35 PM	#26
BukkakeBrown Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Florida Posts: 734	lol thats good __________________ We are the only "Napster of Porn" and we convert at 1:20 Test out promoting us to your mainstream, adult and email traffic, you will love promoting us!

06-14-2005, 02:26 PM	#28
HpicAnn Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,319	That was very funny!! __________________ GiVe YoU a BiG......... tImE Best Converting Webmaster Programs! All Niches Covered! [email protected] IcQ: 226461222