Now THIS guy knows how to fuck with telemarketers
 

Now THIS guy knows how to fuck with telemarketers


I have no idea if this is legit or what, but this guy is fucking GREAT....


Dude: (using gruff gravelly old-guy-type voice) "H-hello?" (must have had call display)
Telemarketer: "Hello, is this mr xxxxx Jones?"
Dude: "yes"
Telemarketer: "Hi I'm calling you about a special offer on a premium membership to xxxxxx Fitness Center, we have..."
Dude: "Are... are... you have a gym?"
Telemarketer: "Yes sir, this is about a gym membership for you at a special pri..."
Dude: "Ohh I love the gym..."
Telemarketer: "Well that's great sir, then you'll love our...."
Dude: "Ohh YES I really really love the gym"
Telemarketer: "(slight snicker) Well that's great sir, have you ever been a member of a gym before?"
Dude: "Oh yesss I have! I.. I did go before. I have special needs you know, can... can I be picked up to go there?"
Telemarketer: "Uhmmm... no we can't pick you up, but..."
Dude: "I have a tube, and that was a problem before you know. S-say.... can I get a trainer chick?"
Telemarketer: "A tube? What.... oh yes we can get you a trainer if you need one...."
Dude: "Yeaahhh I have a colostomy, so the trainer chick has to be quick to get out of the way if the tube... you know.... if something shoots out of it"
Telemarketer: "Ahh well we can't really....."
Dude: "I once lifted a whole four pounds...."
Telemarketer: "Uhhh...."
Dude: "...with my penis"
Telemarketer: "Uhhh....sir I can shoot you a call later tonigh...."
Dude: "Oh this will be sooo great to get out of the house! I hope the cleaning staff at the gym doesn't have weak stomachs about cleaning messes"
Telemarketer: "Okay sir... (nervous chuckle) I..I'll shoot you a call later tonight"
Dude: "Okay, thank you, thank you kind sir.... bye now"
Telemarketer: "Bye"

LOL, thats a good one! :)

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh
y'know I telemarketed before Igt into the web and it sucked.
heres what I say
TM: HI my name is is Joe andd i work for the "newspaper"
ME: HI JOE ARE YOU SELLING SOMETHING OR IS THIS A SURVEY?
TM WELL , no, I am calling on behalf of the ....
ME: *click*
:ugone2far

About 2 months ago, two chicks showed up at my door... which was odd because I didn't have to pay them. Anyway, when I answered they started into their religious monologue. Apparantely, they were Mormons and were looking to brainwash some new people into joining their cult. I figured I'd have a little fun with them so when she asked something along the lines of "Would you be interested in hearing more about the Mormom religion" I looked at her square in the eye and said (in a calm yet deep voice), "I only worship one lord... the dark lord" and then crossed my arms in front on my chest (to make an X) and then lowered my head.

When I peeked up, both of their jaws had hit the floor. It was awesome. It was if time had stood still and they were paralyzed. I then said, "I'm just fucking with you." and sent them on their way.

To this day, my girlfriend and I still laugh about it.

- PornAddict

You should have offered them some porn.

That's fucking AWESOME!!! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Suprisingly enough, both were mildly cute and about 21-23. I was editing porn at the time, though.

- PornAddict

i've resorted to not answering the home phone.....at all. people who need to get in touch with me have my cell.

My friend invited them to a dinner ... he made all kind of satanic display and got his "bible by the devil" out and started talking about satan. They never came back . ever

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh
poor telemarketers.... that is the major reason why i never considered working in telemarketing. i wouldn't want to encounter such CD Smith, Porn Addict nor Neverlearn on the phone ...............mwhahahahahaha :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh:1orglaughthis is too good to be true!!:1orglaugh

hahahah would love to be there to see it

Sooooo funny. I used to run a telemarketing office with 36 employees. That was before the days of call display so whenever someone was an asshole we would put them on our crank call shit list and harass them on weekends.

Now I fuck with them when they call my house. I have come full circle.

Jeez, shortly after I posted that a telemarketer called, this time for Bank of Montreal,

it went something like this....


Me: "Hello?"

Her: "Yes, is this mr Smith?"

Me: "Could be, who is this?"

Her: "I am calling from the Bank of Montreal"

Me: "Yeahhh I'm probably not going to be interested in this"

Her: "Well I'm calling about their low-intrest Mastercard that...."

Me: "Yeah I'm definitely not interested in it"

Her: "Is that because you already have other credit cards?"

Me: "It's because I'm just not interested in it"

Her: "Okay (and at that point I thought the conversation was over, but it wasn't), the Bank of Montreal Mastercard is blah blah blah % interest blah blah and it has blah blah..."

Me: "I'm sorry, I may not have said it right before so I'll say it again.... I'm...... not..... interested.... in..... that"

Her: "Alright sir, then you have a nice..."

Me: *CLICK* (hung up)



What part of "I'm not interested" didn't she get the first time I said it?

I'm thinking brain-dead bitch... but that may be the coffee talking. I'm on cup #7 right now.

Oh that's funny as hell.....lol

About a year and a half ago I started using the technique of just screening my calls, especially the long distance ones from 1-800 and 1-866 numbers..... and letting my machine handle them. Then, after the same telemarketer calls me several times in a week, at some point I will finally answer their call, see who it is, then politely excuse myself for a second saying "I have something on the stove, don't go away I'll be right back".... then walking away and leaving the phone sitting there. :D

After about 10 or 15 minutes I go back and of course they're gone.... and I hang the phone back up.

They never fucking call me again.



It's the "Andy Rooney" method of handling the chronic callers. :thumbsup

This guy is funny as well for telemarketer stuff : Link

Especially the retard mp3 one hehe

I've done something something pretty close...

Don't answer the home and ridded myself of the ball and chain commonly referred to as a "cell".

Life has never been better.

:)

The Seinfeld technique is excellent too.

You: "I'm a bit busy right now, can I get your home phone # and I'll call you about this later?"

Telemarketer: "I'm sorry sir, we can't give out our home phone numbers"

You: "Ah, that's because you don't want people phoning you at home and bugging you about stuff in your off hours, right?"

Telemarketer: "That's correct sir"

You: "Well now you know how *I* feel"

...and you hang up.


:D

:1orglaugh

:1orglaugh

I used to fuck with telemarketers by trying to engage them in phone sex.

"What are you wearing?"
"My cock is so hard"

at first I just did it to chicks but then I discovered that it was even funnier when dudes would flip out.

I once had this exchange with a female telemarketer

Me: "hey baby......what are you wearing?"
Her: "um.......shorts........t-shirt and some sandles"

WTF?? I thought for a minute she was down but it turned out she was just the most stupid bitch on the planet.

:1orglaugh

man I love that shit, I remember you showing me the link a year or two ago...

the Horny Priests one still cracks me up!

:thumbsup

LMAO, poor guy just trying to do his job. Guess it makes it more interesting :1orglaugh

lol thats good

I have absolutely zero pity for telemarketers when someone gives them the gears like that guy did. If you're going to be taking a job where you have to phone-spam people you better know that some people are going to retaliate back. Goes with the territory.

...and... it's so damn fun. :D

That was very funny!!