31 Very Bad Masturbation Ideas - GoFuckYourself.com

TTiger · 05-16-2005, 08:50 PM

31 Very Bad Masturbation Ideas

hough we encourage sexual experimentation, getting too creative can sometimes be a very, very bad thing. Here our readers share some of the masturbation disasters. Learn from their mistakes!

http://www.collegesexadvice.com/mast...mistakes.shtml

Screaming · 05-16-2005, 08:52 PM

cant even bring myself to click those links

Hornydog4cooter · 05-16-2005, 08:59 PM

"One time I put two neodymium magnets on each side of my scrotum. They slammed together and the magnetic force was so tremendous I couldn't remove them without tools. I took two pairs of pliers and pulled like hell. They came off but I couldn't feel my sack until the next day, when it hurt like hell."

Spunky · 05-16-2005, 09:04 PM

Some of those are hilarious

With a TV remote

One night I was home alone and watching TV. I suddenly "got that urge" and needed to hump something fast. All I could find to use that was remotely close to a dildo was, ironically, the remote. It was fairly good-sized and I was forcing it in and out of my pussy and rubbing my clit at the same time, and the buttons felt INCREDIBLE. So after I came, I took the remote out and wiped it off on my pants, and started to use it ... but it didn't work! I changed the batteries, I cleaned it as best I could, but all my cum had totally clogged and fried the thing! So I had to throw it against the wall until it looked plenty broken and then I told my parents I stepped on it.

MandyBlake · 05-16-2005, 09:06 PM

lol those are great.
very amusing.

BlingDaddy · 05-16-2005, 09:07 PM

The best solution is The Masturbation Station

xint · 05-16-2005, 09:11 PM

Quote:

#

With shampoo

During my first semester at college I found that I had a lot of time to masturbate. One night I decided to masturbate, so I put some porn in the DVD player and tried to find some lotion to use as lube. I couldn't find any, so I figured that I could use some shampoo. While I was whacking off it felt really good! The shampoo had a tingling sensation on my cock. Unfortunately, I did not know that the shampoo dries your skin out. My cock's skin got really tight and started to crack, much like chapped lips. It hurt like hell as the skin fell off my cock to reveal new pink skin underneath. I'm fine now, but I always make sure I have some KY on hand!

Fook man! ...what kind of shampoo was he using!?

...wait... I really dont wanna know

Mike Okitch · 05-16-2005, 10:20 PM

"I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!"

Like I usually do? WTF? I'm pretty straight forward when it comes to wanking. Can someone fill me in on how that one works?

Doctor Dre · 05-16-2005, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike Okitch

"I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!"

Like I usually do? WTF? I'm pretty straight forward when it comes to wanking. Can someone fill me in on how that one works?

There was a girl that did that on cam when I was in high school . Everybody nicknamed her candel girl

Snake Doctor · 05-16-2005, 10:35 PM

They found some seriously demented people to write those.

Brb I have to read the article about how to suck your own dick

bluedevil · 05-16-2005, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike Okitch

"I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!"

woops, thats a bad idea?

Mike Okitch · 05-16-2005, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doctor Dre

There was a girl that did that on cam when I was in high school . Everybody nicknamed her candel girl

That I could understand but there is a mention of cum being teal, so it wouldn't be a girl. So what is it, inserting it up the peehole?

xclusive · 05-16-2005, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hornydog4cooter

"One time I put two neodymium magnets on each side of my scrotum. They slammed together and the magnetic force was so tremendous I couldn't remove them without tools. I took two pairs of pliers and pulled like hell. They came off but I couldn't feel my sack until the next day, when it hurt like hell."

lol might be the funniest thing i've ever heard

Doctor Dre · 05-16-2005, 10:45 PM

With chewing gum

One day I was chewing some Big League Chew gum. It felt so soft and gooey in my mouth that I decided to rub it on my dick. It was the worst decision I ever made! As I was rubbing it on my dick, the gum got caught on my pubes. I got in the shower and spent like an hour trying to get the stuff off. Then I finally decided just to cut my pubes off with some scissors. I had no pubes left.

rofl ... why would you keep your pubes anyways

Mike Okitch · 05-16-2005, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doctor Dre

rofl ... why would you keep your pubes anyways

Next time you buy something and see "unknown fibers" on the label, you'll know.

Freakster · 05-16-2005, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike Okitch

"I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!"

Like I usually do? WTF? I'm pretty straight forward when it comes to wanking. Can someone fill me in on how that one works?

do you have a pussy?

Mike Okitch · 05-16-2005, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freakster

do you have a pussy?

It says "I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal". I've never heard of pussy juice being referred to as "cum" but I've heard of cum being referred to as sperm.

GatorB · 05-16-2005, 11:43 PM

http://www.collegesexadvice.com/suck-dick.shtml

Fizzgig · 05-16-2005, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike Okitch

It says "I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal". I've never heard of pussy juice being referred to as "cum" but I've heard of cum being referred to as sperm.

Have you ever heard of pussy juice being referred to as "mucus"? Cuz it is.

Mefo · 05-16-2005, 11:57 PM

damn that wire one..... ouch

Quote:

With wire

I saw an anecdote on the Internet once about how Arabs masturbate and I decided to try it! It involves inserting a long wire into the urethra and down the length of the erect penis. Long story short, the wire didn't follow the path precisely and I ended up stabbing my penis from the inside. I was in the hospital for three days.

Manowar · 05-16-2005, 11:58 PM

Mike Okitch · 05-16-2005, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fizzgig

Have you ever heard of pussy juice being referred to as "mucus"? Cuz it is.

Yes funnyboy, I have. Now explain what's the relation between mucus and my question.

Vitasoy · 05-17-2005, 12:10 AM

Nice.. haha those are great.

05-16-2005, 08:50 PM	#1
TTiger Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: quebec, canada Posts: 3,030	31 Very Bad Masturbation Ideas 31 Very Bad Masturbation Ideas hough we encourage sexual experimentation, getting too creative can sometimes be a very, very bad thing. Here our readers share some of the masturbation disasters. Learn from their mistakes! http://www.collegesexadvice.com/mast...mistakes.shtml __________________

05-16-2005, 08:52 PM	#2
Screaming I can change this!!!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 18,972	cant even bring myself to click those links __________________

05-16-2005, 09:04 PM	#4
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,943	Some of those are hilarious With a TV remote One night I was home alone and watching TV. I suddenly "got that urge" and needed to hump something fast. All I could find to use that was remotely close to a dildo was, ironically, the remote. It was fairly good-sized and I was forcing it in and out of my pussy and rubbing my clit at the same time, and the buttons felt INCREDIBLE. So after I came, I took the remote out and wiped it off on my pants, and started to use it ... but it didn't work! I changed the batteries, I cleaned it as best I could, but all my cum had totally clogged and fried the thing! So I had to throw it against the wall until it looked plenty broken and then I told my parents I stepped on it. __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

05-16-2005, 09:06 PM	#5
MandyBlake The one and only! Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 17,761	lol those are great. very amusing. __________________ Mandy's Playhouse Her First Fat Girl If you're interested in promoting my sites, ICQ me! 178411921

05-16-2005, 09:07 PM	#6
BlingDaddy Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Denver, CO ICQ 280-752-076 Posts: 6,343	The best solution is The Masturbation Station __________________ Every Day... Bling Daddy's Masturbation Station! Bling Daddy's Masturbation Station! The Daily Bag of Douche - Humor at it's FINEST.

05-16-2005, 08:59 PM	#3
Hornydog4cooter Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 2,859	"One time I put two neodymium magnets on each side of my scrotum. They slammed together and the magnetic force was so tremendous I couldn't remove them without tools. I took two pairs of pliers and pulled like hell. They came off but I couldn't feel my sack until the next day, when it hurt like hell."

05-16-2005, 10:20 PM	#8
Mike Okitch Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Posts: 4,126	"I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!" Like I usually do? WTF? I'm pretty straight forward when it comes to wanking. Can someone fill me in on how that one works? __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

05-16-2005, 10:35 PM	#10
Snake Doctor I'm Lenny2 Bitch Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: On top of my soapbox Posts: 13,449	They found some seriously demented people to write those. Brb I have to read the article about how to suck your own dick __________________ sig too big

05-16-2005, 11:43 PM	#18
GatorB The Demon & 12clicks Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: SallyRand is a FAGGOT Posts: 18,208	http://www.collegesexadvice.com/suck-dick.shtml

05-16-2005, 11:58 PM	#21
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528

05-17-2005, 12:10 AM	#23
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	Nice.. haha those are great. __________________ [email protected]