instructions for proper sex with a chicken - GoFuckYourself.com

fr8 · 03-15-2005, 11:14 PM

1.) Like any woman, a chicken needs to be in a relaxed and receptive mood before you can successfully have sex with it. If you do not make sure of this, you will end up covered in scratches and peck marks in locations that will be hard to explain. Gently pick the chicken up in both hands and stroke it slowly, so that it becomes accustomed to sitting in your hand. Making soft clucking noises is also a good seduction tip.

2.) Get your penis nice and lubricated, and place the head at the entry of the chicken butt. I'm calling it a butt, but it acts as a vagina, an anus, and a urethra all in one (actually, chickens only have one form of elimination). You need to be erect when you do this, because otherwise, it will be hard to enter your new girlfriend.

3.)Slowly push your penis inside the chicken. You should have one hand on the neck of the bird, just below the head, so that it cannot peck you. The other hand may need to hold the feet to prevent scratching. Try to keep the bird as calm as you can as you do this.

4.) If a chicken butt can accomodate a Grade AAA egg, it can expand to fit your dick, albeit somewhat tightly. However, the butt is not all that deep, and you will hit bottom fairly quickly. Don't try and push the limits here, just be glad that you're getting some.

5.)If you want, you can wait for your chicken to calm down. However, you're never going to get much play from the bird either way, so you might as well go ahead and fuck it. Use short, gentle strokes.

6.) OPTIONAL STEP: If you have plenty of chickens, or if you are hungry, or if it's just come time to break up with your chicken, then you can make your last night a memorable one by slitting the bird's throat at the moment of your orgasm. This will cause some strong twitching that can add some spice to your experience.

bllott · 03-15-2005, 11:17 PM

HAPPYPEEKERS · 03-15-2005, 11:17 PM

Wow

bllott · 03-15-2005, 11:18 PM

i've had a few drinks, this is by far the funniest thing i have read in a long long time

reynold · 03-15-2005, 11:18 PM

This is one crazy thread.

kmanrox · 03-15-2005, 11:19 PM

im horny now... wtf

Spunky · 03-15-2005, 11:21 PM

Wtf...I prefer melons btw..they don't peck

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 03-15-2005, 11:28 PM

As I am reading, I'm wondering to myself, why am I reading this?!?

The only snappy comebacks I could come up with involved cooked chickens and rubber chickens, since that would remove the threat of pecking and scratching. And then I thought to myself, what am I thinking about?!?

What a fowl, um...thought provoking thread.

Now I'm in the mood for some KFC - thanks!!!

ADG Webmaster

Loki · 03-16-2005, 12:08 AM

hmmm this thread is juicy

foxxx · 03-16-2005, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedonistic

im horny now... wtf

hahahahaha bl

SaintElGrouch · 03-16-2005, 03:22 AM

lol...fuckin hilarious

Prof.Dr. Den · 03-16-2005, 03:24 AM

you need help ;)

Bosco4y2k3 · 03-16-2005, 03:26 AM

turkeys go deeper!!!

thaifan99 · 03-16-2005, 03:27 AM

Cock a doodle ouch!

PHPdude · 03-16-2005, 04:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedonistic

im horny now... wtf

Okay, go fuck a chicken.

Mefo · 03-16-2005, 04:51 AM

SenSEO · 03-16-2005, 04:54 AM

marinated chicken??

etech · 03-16-2005, 05:02 AM

People are so sick

webcrawler · 03-16-2005, 06:01 AM

go fuck yourself!

GatorB · 03-16-2005, 06:03 AM

This thread is useless without pics.

gangbangjoe · 03-16-2005, 06:27 AM

you wrote this all alone ?

how many chickens do you own

Wiggles · 03-16-2005, 06:35 AM

ahaha thats hilarious, i rmember one i read about the same thing about fucking dolphins, so funny haha

HpicAnn · 03-16-2005, 06:42 AM

incredible

DraX · 03-16-2005, 06:58 AM

muhahahahahahahahahaha

Youre a winner !!!

Damn im laughing on floor for this one

fr8 · 03-16-2005, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gangbangjoe

you wrote this all alone ?

how many chickens do you own

Phoenix · 03-16-2005, 11:21 AM

i awlays wondered what was the best way

ArkansasDave · 03-16-2005, 11:24 AM

I just read this, ack!

loverboy · 03-16-2005, 03:08 PM

i ain't eating a chicken this week hahaha

adonthenet · 03-16-2005, 03:09 PM

wtf hehehhe :P LOL

fr8 · 03-16-2005, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phoenix

i awlays wondered what was the best way

havnt we all

Manowar · 03-16-2005, 04:12 PM

wtf

sweetME · 03-16-2005, 04:14 PM

Very funny

alexg · 03-16-2005, 04:17 PM

quote of the month: "proper sex with a chicken"

fr8 · 03-16-2005, 04:21 PM

MandyBlake · 03-16-2005, 04:25 PM

that's crazy

Relish XXX · 03-16-2005, 04:27 PM

I cant believe I read that and I also cant believe how much I am laughing!

fr8 · 03-16-2005, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Relish XXX

I cant believe I read that and I also cant believe how much I am laughing!

now go out and give it a try.

Rorschach · 03-16-2005, 07:18 PM

sorry... i thought the thread said "pooper sex with chickens"

cambaby · 03-16-2005, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fr8

rather sexy

PHPdude · 03-16-2005, 07:59 PM

won't the chicken die?

fr8 · 03-16-2005, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PHPdude

won't the chicken die?

only on step 6 but thats optional

03-15-2005, 11:14 PM	#1
fr8 Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 5,074	instructions for proper sex with a chicken 1.) Like any woman, a chicken needs to be in a relaxed and receptive mood before you can successfully have sex with it. If you do not make sure of this, you will end up covered in scratches and peck marks in locations that will be hard to explain. Gently pick the chicken up in both hands and stroke it slowly, so that it becomes accustomed to sitting in your hand. Making soft clucking noises is also a good seduction tip. 2.) Get your penis nice and lubricated, and place the head at the entry of the chicken butt. I'm calling it a butt, but it acts as a vagina, an anus, and a urethra all in one (actually, chickens only have one form of elimination). You need to be erect when you do this, because otherwise, it will be hard to enter your new girlfriend. 3.)Slowly push your penis inside the chicken. You should have one hand on the neck of the bird, just below the head, so that it cannot peck you. The other hand may need to hold the feet to prevent scratching. Try to keep the bird as calm as you can as you do this. 4.) If a chicken butt can accomodate a Grade AAA egg, it can expand to fit your dick, albeit somewhat tightly. However, the butt is not all that deep, and you will hit bottom fairly quickly. Don't try and push the limits here, just be glad that you're getting some. 5.)If you want, you can wait for your chicken to calm down. However, you're never going to get much play from the bird either way, so you might as well go ahead and fuck it. Use short, gentle strokes. 6.) OPTIONAL STEP: If you have plenty of chickens, or if you are hungry, or if it's just come time to break up with your chicken, then you can make your last night a memorable one by slitting the bird's throat at the moment of your orgasm. This will cause some strong twitching that can add some spice to your experience.

03-15-2005, 11:17 PM	#3
HAPPYPEEKERS Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Margaritaville Posts: 7,562	Wow __________________ Please Read All Of My Posts In A Sarcastic Tone So You Get The Full Effect!! HappyPeekers - April

03-15-2005, 11:19 PM	#6
kmanrox aka K-Man Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: The Gutter Posts: 29,292	im horny now... wtf __________________ Crypto HODLr Crypto mining Angel investor

03-15-2005, 11:21 PM	#7
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,944	Wtf...I prefer melons btw..they don't peck __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

03-15-2005, 11:28 PM	#8
AsianDivaGirlsWebDude Purveyor, Fine Asian Porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Francisco Bay Area Posts: 38,323	As I am reading, I'm wondering to myself, why am I reading this?!? The only snappy comebacks I could come up with involved cooked chickens and rubber chickens, since that would remove the threat of pecking and scratching. And then I thought to myself, what am I thinking about?!? What a fowl, um...thought provoking thread. Now I'm in the mood for some KFC - thanks!!! ADG Webmaster __________________ Asian Diva Girls - Exclusive Photos and Videos Asian Diva Girls Affiliate Program (50% ccBill Revshare)

03-15-2005, 11:17 PM	#2
bllott Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Everywhere Posts: 2,368

03-15-2005, 11:18 PM	#4
bllott Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Everywhere Posts: 2,368	i've had a few drinks, this is by far the funniest thing i have read in a long long time

03-15-2005, 11:18 PM	#5
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	This is one crazy thread.

03-16-2005, 12:08 AM	#9
Loki Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Michigan Posts: 4,420	hmmm this thread is juicy __________________ MAKE MONEY WITH 3D TOONS! Need hosting? LokiCa$h Uses Amerinoc and love them! Skype: LokiPorn Or Email 3dloki\|at\|gmail.com

03-16-2005, 03:22 AM	#11
SaintElGrouch Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: California Posts: 307	lol...fuckin hilarious

03-16-2005, 03:24 AM	#12
Prof.Dr. Den Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: .de Posts: 442	you need help ;)

03-16-2005, 03:26 AM	#13
Bosco4y2k3 Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 113	turkeys go deeper!!! __________________

03-16-2005, 03:27 AM	#14
thaifan99 Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: London UK Posts: 3,029	Cock a doodle ouch! __________________ ARE YOU A FAMILY MEMBER? CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT!

03-16-2005, 04:51 AM	#16
Mefo Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 6,169	__________________

03-16-2005, 04:54 AM	#17
SenSEO Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 346	marinated chicken?? __________________ icq: 37-099-482 Payserve is stuffing webmasters with money since 1997! PAY-OUT IN EURO'S!!! SPONSORS: Would you like to add free nude webcam chat to your memberarea, boost your retention and make additional revenue? >> Check out our free live whitelabel! Includes webmaster referral option!

03-16-2005, 05:02 AM	#18
etech Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Right next to you.... Posts: 1,148	People are so sick

03-16-2005, 06:01 AM	#19
webcrawler Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: ICQ .:. 286608143 Posts: 2,692	go fuck yourself!

03-16-2005, 06:03 AM	#20
GatorB The Demon & 12clicks Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: SallyRand is a FAGGOT Posts: 18,208	This thread is useless without pics.

03-16-2005, 06:27 AM	#21
gangbangjoe Ronin Join Date: May 2004 Location: Live by the code Die by the code Posts: 17,693	you wrote this all alone ? how many chickens do you own __________________ NichePay - $30 on all trials - Killer Ratios .................................................. Female Ejaculation - Hairy - Shemale Puffy Nipples - Huge Clits - And More! ..................................................

03-16-2005, 06:35 AM	#22
Wiggles Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 14,423	ahaha thats hilarious, i rmember one i read about the same thing about fucking dolphins, so funny haha __________________ no sig

03-16-2005, 06:42 AM	#23
HpicAnn Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,319	incredible __________________ GiVe YoU a BiG......... tImE Best Converting Webmaster Programs! All Niches Covered! [email protected] IcQ: 226461222

03-16-2005, 06:58 AM	#24
DraX Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In wonderland.. Posts: 7,147	muhahahahahahahahahaha Youre a winner !!! Damn im laughing on floor for this one __________________ Deposit Today With BTC - Play With Bitcoins

03-16-2005, 11:21 AM	#26
Phoenix BACON BACON BACON Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Poems everybody, the laddie fancies himself a poet Posts: 35,462	i awlays wondered what was the best way __________________ Skype Phoenixskype1 Telegram PhoenixBrad https://quantads.io

03-16-2005, 11:24 AM	#27
ArkansasDave Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: San Diego, Ca Posts: 2,148	I just read this, ack! __________________ -ArkansasDave! ICQ: 759-84452 CDGirls.com Do It!

03-16-2005, 03:08 PM	#28
loverboy When it rains, it pours Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 20,609	i ain't eating a chicken this week hahaha

03-16-2005, 03:09 PM	#29
adonthenet Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 16,753	wtf hehehhe :P LOL

03-16-2005, 04:12 PM	#31
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	wtf

03-16-2005, 04:14 PM	#32
sweetME Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 3,162	Very funny __________________ Email: questions @ Prodinix.com \| Site: Prodinix.com

03-16-2005, 04:17 PM	#33
alexg IL4L.com Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Israel - ICQ: 162136565 Posts: 11,287	quote of the month: "proper sex with a chicken" __________________ Find fuck buddies in your area!

03-16-2005, 04:21 PM	#34
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03-16-2005, 04:25 PM	#35
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03-16-2005, 04:27 PM	#36
Relish XXX Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: www.adultlabel.com Posts: 4,904	I cant believe I read that and I also cant believe how much I am laughing! __________________

03-16-2005, 07:18 PM	#38
Rorschach So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 5,579	sorry... i thought the thread said "pooper sex with chickens"

03-16-2005, 07:59 PM	#40
PHPdude Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 1,164	won't the chicken die? __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60. Let me repeat... A 120 x 60 button and no more that 3 lines of DEFAULT SIZE AND COLOR text.