post your "..walks into a bar.." jokes - GoFuckYourself.com

brizzad · 10-05-2004, 10:57 PM

so a guy walks into a bar and he's like "ouch"

so john kerry walks into a bar and the bartender goes "hey, why the long face?"

(think of this one from an analogical political standpoint) so george bush walks into a bar, someone pushes him, so he punches the bartender

Persius · 10-05-2004, 11:06 PM

brizzad · 10-05-2004, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Persius

smack · 10-05-2004, 11:10 PM

So a Goat, a Midget, and a Braziliam She-Male walk into a bar.

And I follow...

Easton · 10-05-2004, 11:11 PM

ok here's my bad one:

black guy walks into a bar with his pet aligator and asks the bartender "Do you serve nig***s in here?"

the bartender looks him over and finally says "Yes"

black says "Cool. I'll have a draft beer and a nigg** for my aligator"

steve90 · 10-05-2004, 11:12 PM

ok here is the best one of all

A man walks into a bar

and says ouch

smack · 10-05-2004, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by steve90
ok here is the best one of all

A man walks into a bar

and says ouch

timeline pic?

brizzad · 10-05-2004, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by steve90
ok here is the best one of all

A man walks into a bar

and says ouch

that was in my first post fool

SBJ · 10-05-2004, 11:22 PM

A man walks into a bar and yells "Bartender, give me twenty shots of your best single malt scotch!"

The bartender pours the shots and the man drinks them down one at a time, as fast as he can.

The bartender says "Wow, I never saw anyonebody drink that fast" The man replies by saying, "Well, you'd drink fast if you had what I have" The bartender says "Oh my god, what do you have??!!"

The man says "Fifty cents"

polish_aristocrat · 10-06-2004, 12:56 AM

Juicy walks into a bar and sees Headless.

European Lee · 10-06-2004, 01:37 AM

A guy walks into a bar and ask for 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers.

The bartender asks the guy 'are you celebrating?'

The guy says yes.

The bartender asks 'what are you celebrating?'

The guys says 'my first blowjob'

The bartender congratulates the guy and offers to buy him another drink to which the guy replies..

No thanks. If 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers wont get rid of the taste nothing will

Regards,

Lee

chaze · 10-06-2004, 01:40 AM

I ike how you added the suspense

I have a really good one but it's long

stocktrader23 · 10-06-2004, 01:41 AM

A seal walks into a club...

gangbangjoe · 10-06-2004, 01:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by polish_aristocrat
Juicy walks into a bar and sees Headless.

cant laugh about that one

SBJ · 10-06-2004, 01:49 AM

Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

PenisFace · 10-06-2004, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

chaze · 10-06-2004, 02:00 AM

Nice one penisface

I mean silent bob

SBJ · 10-06-2004, 02:13 AM

Thanks I just found these on a "bar jokes" site

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Listen," he says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?"

"We'll see," says the bartender.

So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play.

"Impressive," says the bartender, "but I'll need to see more."

"Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River."

A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog."

"Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves.

"It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune."

"Not really," says the guy, "The hamster is also a vantriloquist."

strats · 10-06-2004, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Persius

Talk about lowering myIQ jesus

doornx · 10-06-2004, 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

mary34d · 10-06-2004, 05:30 AM

www.mary34d.com/videos/MonkeyJoke.wmv

Basic_man · 10-06-2004, 05:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Persius

lol

psili · 10-06-2004, 07:08 AM

Anyone know the whole bar joke that Judd Nelson started saying in the Breakfast Club before he fell through the roof ?

Something like: "So a lady walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a 12 inch salami under the other..." ???

I've always wanted to know.

mary34d · 10-06-2004, 07:16 AM

Rene Descartes walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink, and finishes it.

The bartender asks him "would you like another?"

Descartes replies "I think not."

and "poof" disappears!!!

cfU · 10-06-2004, 07:18 AM

a baby seal walks into a club......

SBJ · 10-06-2004, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by psili
Anyone know the whole bar joke that Judd Nelson started saying in the Breakfast Club before he fell through the roof ?

Something like: "So a lady walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a 12 inch salami under the other..." ???

I've always wanted to know.

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says-- "OOHHHH Shiit!!"

You can find anything on the net!

RawAlex · 10-06-2004, 07:23 AM

Two guys walk into a bar. Which is stupid, because after the first guy hit it, you figure the second guy would have gone around.

- Howie Mandell

psili · 10-06-2004, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says-- "OOHHHH Shiit!!"

You can find anything on the net!

That was it?

SBJ · 10-06-2004, 07:28 AM

just found this

Quote:

"A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. The bartender says "I guess you won't be needing a drink", and the naked lady says....."

Are you dying to know the end??? WELL I'm sorry to disappoint you but there is no ending! Well actually there IS but only Judd knows the answer! There is an old Judd Nelson article saying he made the joke up, so there is no official ending, only Judd knows the punch-line.

So it looks like you gotta find Judd

psili · 10-06-2004, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
just found this

So it looks like you gotta find Judd

Thanks man, for helping though

Melvin the Dude · 10-06-2004, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
Thanks I just found these on a "bar jokes" site

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Listen," he says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?"

"We'll see," says the bartender.

So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play.

"Impressive," says the bartender, "but I'll need to see more."

"Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River."

A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog."

"Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves.

"It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune."

"Not really," says the guy, "The hamster is also a vantriloquist."

Melvin the Dude · 10-06-2004, 07:36 AM

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk all walk into a bar....

the bartender looks at them in disbelief and says "what is this...some kind of joke?"

PornBroker · 10-06-2004, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by European Lee
A guy walks into a bar and ask for 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers.

The bartender asks the guy 'are you celebrating?'

The guy says yes.

The bartender asks 'what are you celebrating?'

The guys says 'my first blowjob'

The bartender congratulates the guy and offers to buy him another drink to which the guy replies..

No thanks. If 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers wont get rid of the taste nothing will

Regards,

Lee

that's funny ;))))

CDSmith · 10-06-2004, 08:46 AM

A blonde walked into a bar

you'd think she would have noticed the door.

EscortBiz · 10-06-2004, 08:48 AM

a blonde walk into bar she decides to sit down next to this really fat guy

one sec phone call....

10-06-2004, 08:51 AM

A man walks into a bar and sees a fine looking woman. He steps over to her and says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples."

She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass."

He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just give you a big sloppy kiss then."

She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my boyfriend kill you."

"This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your hahahaha."

She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits.

He yells, "I'll kill him!"

She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's pissed and starts walking in his direction.

She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my hahahaha, and drink from me!"

Her boyfriend stops and says "Sorry babe, I can't fuck with anyone who can drink that much beer."

jacerock · 10-06-2004, 09:12 AM

a termite walks into to a bar and asked were is the bar tender.

10-05-2004, 10:57 PM	#1
brizzad holla Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: KFC Posts: 11,769	post your "..walks into a bar.." jokes so a guy walks into a bar and he's like "ouch" so john kerry walks into a bar and the bartender goes "hey, why the long face?" (think of this one from an analogical political standpoint) so george bush walks into a bar, someone pushes him, so he punches the bartender

10-05-2004, 11:10 PM	#4
smack Push Porn Like Weight. Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Inside .NET Posts: 10,652	So a Goat, a Midget, and a Braziliam She-Male walk into a bar. And I follow... __________________ Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

10-05-2004, 11:11 PM	#5
Easton Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 9,825	ok here's my bad one: black guy walks into a bar with his pet aligator and asks the bartender "Do you serve nig*s in here?" the bartender looks him over and finally says "Yes" black says "Cool. I'll have a draft beer and a nigg for my aligator" __________________ New models booked and shot every week... MILFs, pornstars and teens. Girls for every niche and project. Looking for high-quality affordable exclusive content? Check me out at Easton Content for all the details.

10-05-2004, 11:22 PM	#9
SBJ So Fucking Fabulous Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Indiana Posts: 11,375	A man walks into a bar and yells "Bartender, give me twenty shots of your best single malt scotch!" The bartender pours the shots and the man drinks them down one at a time, as fast as he can. The bartender says "Wow, I never saw anyonebody drink that fast" The man replies by saying, "Well, you'd drink fast if you had what I have" The bartender says "Oh my god, what do you have??!!" The man says "Fifty cents" __________________ Chaturbate - Make tons of money from Cams! *Name Silo - Domains under $9 and free ID protect*

10-06-2004, 12:56 AM	#10
polish_aristocrat Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 40,377	Juicy walks into a bar and sees Headless. __________________ I don't use ICQ anymore.

10-05-2004, 11:06 PM	#2
Persius Tap into MOBILE! Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Hollywood Posts: 11,779

10-05-2004, 11:12 PM	#6
steve90 Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: California Posts: 2,397	ok here is the best one of all A man walks into a bar and says ouch

10-06-2004, 01:37 AM	#11
European Lee Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Daytona Beach Posts: 7,133	A guy walks into a bar and ask for 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers. The bartender asks the guy 'are you celebrating?' The guy says yes. The bartender asks 'what are you celebrating?' The guys says 'my first blowjob' The bartender congratulates the guy and offers to buy him another drink to which the guy replies.. No thanks. If 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers wont get rid of the taste nothing will Regards, Lee __________________ YOUR TRAFFIC IS SAFE WITH US - CONDOM CASH PUTTING THE GAY ADULT INDUSTRY ON YOUR PC!! AFFORDABLE 2257 COMPLIANT GAY + BI CONTENT

10-06-2004, 01:40 AM	#12
chaze Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 9,752	I ike how you added the suspense I have a really good one but it's long

10-06-2004, 01:41 AM	#13
stocktrader23 Let's do some business. Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: The dirty south. Posts: 18,781	A seal walks into a club... __________________ Hands Free Adult - Join Once, Earn For Life "I try to make a habit of bouncing my eyes up to the face of a beautiful woman, and often repeat “not mine” in my head or even verbally. She’s not mine. God has her set aside. She’s not mine. She’s His little girl, and she needs me to fight for her by keeping my eyes where they should be."

10-06-2004, 01:49 AM	#15
SBJ So Fucking Fabulous Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Indiana Posts: 11,375	Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?" "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish." "Great, can I try it?" "Sure." First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie." The guy says, "I want a million bucks!" "Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door. "I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?" __________________ Chaturbate - Make tons of money from Cams! *Name Silo - Domains under $9 and free ID protect*

10-06-2004, 02:00 AM	#17
chaze Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 9,752	Nice one penisface I mean silent bob

10-06-2004, 02:13 AM	#18
SBJ So Fucking Fabulous Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Indiana Posts: 11,375	Thanks I just found these on a "bar jokes" site A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Listen," he says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?" "We'll see," says the bartender. So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play. "Impressive," says the bartender, "but I'll need to see more." "Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River." A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog." "Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves. "It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune." "Not really," says the guy, "The hamster is also a vantriloquist." __________________ Chaturbate - Make tons of money from Cams! *Name Silo - Domains under $9 and free ID protect*

10-06-2004, 05:30 AM	#21
mary34d Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Northern Cuba Posts: 3,358	www.mary34d.com/videos/MonkeyJoke.wmv __________________ The guys at CJ Bucks will do absolutely anything to get your business. You owe it to yourself to at least ask! Free Hosting, Content, etc. CJ Bucks has it all. Sign up! I'll show you my tits now you show me your traffic.

10-06-2004, 07:08 AM	#23
psili Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Loveland, CO Posts: 5,526	Anyone know the whole bar joke that Judd Nelson started saying in the Breakfast Club before he fell through the roof ? Something like: "So a lady walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a 12 inch salami under the other..." ??? I've always wanted to know. __________________ Your post count means nothing.

10-06-2004, 07:16 AM	#24
mary34d Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Northern Cuba Posts: 3,358	Rene Descartes walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink, and finishes it. The bartender asks him "would you like another?" Descartes replies "I think not." and "poof" disappears!!! __________________ The guys at CJ Bucks will do absolutely anything to get your business. You owe it to yourself to at least ask! Free Hosting, Content, etc. CJ Bucks has it all. Sign up! I'll show you my tits now you show me your traffic.

10-06-2004, 07:18 AM	#25
cfU Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 933	a baby seal walks into a club......

10-06-2004, 07:23 AM	#27
RawAlex So Fucking Banned Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: In a house. Posts: 9,465	Two guys walk into a bar. Which is stupid, because after the first guy hit it, you figure the second guy would have gone around. - Howie Mandell

10-06-2004, 07:36 AM	#32
Melvin the Dude Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 844	A priest, a rabbi, and a monk all walk into a bar.... the bartender looks at them in disbelief and says "what is this...some kind of joke?"

10-06-2004, 08:46 AM	#34
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	A blonde walked into a bar you'd think she would have noticed the door. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

10-06-2004, 08:48 AM	#35
EscortBiz Fuck Checks, CASH only! Join Date: May 2002 Location: New York City Posts: 19,422	a blonde walk into bar she decides to sit down next to this really fat guy one sec phone call.... __________________ Spanking, Medical Fetish, Sleeping, Strap-on Anal Lesbians, Girls Fucking Guys, Handjob site REAL HOT, Shemales, Anal and Ass Licking sites 100% Real EXCLUSIVE with amazing retention, ccbill payouts, lots of content FREE FTP HOSTING Promote the largest and oldest member paid escort site, Converts 10 times better then any dating site, CCBill payouts ICQ# 158802076

10-06-2004, 08:51 AM	#36
evildick Guest Posts: n/a	A man walks into a bar and sees a fine looking woman. He steps over to her and says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples." She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass." He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just give you a big sloppy kiss then." She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my boyfriend kill you." "This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your hahahaha." She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits. He yells, "I'll kill him!" She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's pissed and starts walking in his direction. She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my hahahaha, and drink from me!" Her boyfriend stops and says "Sorry babe, I can't fuck with anyone who can drink that much beer."

10-06-2004, 09:12 AM	#37
jacerock Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 117	a termite walks into to a bar and asked were is the bar tender. __________________ Http://www.WinLogical.com Windows 2003 hosting w/Helm