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brizzad

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#1

post your "..walks into a bar.." jokes

10-05-2004, 09:57 PM

so a guy walks into a bar and he's like "ouch"

so john kerry walks into a bar and the bartender goes "hey, why the long face?"

(think of this one from an analogical political standpoint) so george bush walks into a bar, someone pushes him, so he punches the bartender
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Persius

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#2

10-05-2004, 10:06 PM
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brizzad

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#3

10-05-2004, 10:08 PM

Originally posted by Persius
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smack

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#4

10-05-2004, 10:10 PM

So a Goat, a Midget, and a Braziliam She-Male walk into a bar.

And I follow...

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.
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#5

10-05-2004, 10:11 PM

ok here's my bad one:

black guy walks into a bar with his pet aligator and asks the bartender "Do you serve nig***s in here?"

the bartender looks him over and finally says "Yes"

black says "Cool. I'll have a draft beer and a nigg** for my aligator"

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#6

10-05-2004, 10:12 PM

ok here is the best one of all

A man walks into a bar

and says ouch
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#7

10-05-2004, 10:13 PM

Originally posted by steve90
ok here is the best one of all

A man walks into a bar

and says ouch

timeline pic?

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.
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brizzad

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#8

10-05-2004, 10:14 PM

Originally posted by steve90
ok here is the best one of all

A man walks into a bar

and says ouch

that was in my first post fool
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#9

10-05-2004, 10:22 PM

A man walks into a bar and yells "Bartender, give me twenty shots of your best single malt scotch!"

The bartender pours the shots and the man drinks them down one at a time, as fast as he can.

The bartender says "Wow, I never saw anyonebody drink that fast" The man replies by saying, "Well, you'd drink fast if you had what I have" The bartender says "Oh my god, what do you have??!!"

The man says "Fifty cents"

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#10

10-05-2004, 11:56 PM

Juicy walks into a bar and sees Headless.

I don't use ICQ anymore.
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#11

10-06-2004, 12:37 AM

A guy walks into a bar and ask for 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers.

The bartender asks the guy 'are you celebrating?'

The guy says yes.

The bartender asks 'what are you celebrating?'

The guys says 'my first blowjob'

The bartender congratulates the guy and offers to buy him another drink to which the guy replies..

No thanks. If 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers wont get rid of the taste nothing will

Regards,

Lee

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#12

10-06-2004, 12:40 AM

I ike how you added the suspense

I have a really good one but it's long

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#13

10-06-2004, 12:41 AM

A seal walks into a club...

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#14

10-06-2004, 12:45 AM

Originally posted by polish_aristocrat
Juicy walks into a bar and sees Headless.

cant laugh about that one

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#15

10-06-2004, 12:49 AM

Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

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#16

10-06-2004, 12:51 AM

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

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#17

10-06-2004, 01:00 AM

Nice one penisface

I mean silent bob

Like the desert needs the rain
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SBJ

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#18

10-06-2004, 01:13 AM

Thanks I just found these on a "bar jokes" site

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Listen," he says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?"

"We'll see," says the bartender.

So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play.

"Impressive," says the bartender, "but I'll need to see more."

"Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River."

A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog."

"Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves.

"It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune."

"Not really," says the guy, "The hamster is also a vantriloquist."

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#19

10-06-2004, 01:26 AM

Originally posted by Persius

Talk about lowering myIQ jesus
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#20

10-06-2004, 03:09 AM

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

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#21

10-06-2004, 04:30 AM

www.mary34d.com/videos/MonkeyJoke.wmv

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#22

10-06-2004, 04:43 AM

Originally posted by Persius

lol

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#23

10-06-2004, 06:08 AM

Anyone know the whole bar joke that Judd Nelson started saying in the Breakfast Club before he fell through the roof ?

Something like: "So a lady walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a 12 inch salami under the other..." ???

I've always wanted to know.

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#24

10-06-2004, 06:16 AM

Rene Descartes walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink, and finishes it.

The bartender asks him "would you like another?"

Descartes replies "I think not."

and "poof" disappears!!!

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#25

10-06-2004, 06:18 AM

a baby seal walks into a club......
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#26

10-06-2004, 06:22 AM

Originally posted by psili
Anyone know the whole bar joke that Judd Nelson started saying in the Breakfast Club before he fell through the roof ?

Something like: "So a lady walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a 12 inch salami under the other..." ???

I've always wanted to know.

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says-- "OOHHHH Shiit!!"

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#27

10-06-2004, 06:23 AM

Two guys walk into a bar. Which is stupid, because after the first guy hit it, you figure the second guy would have gone around.

- Howie Mandell
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psili

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#28

10-06-2004, 06:24 AM

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says-- "OOHHHH Shiit!!"

You can find anything on the net!

That was it?

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SBJ

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#29

10-06-2004, 06:28 AM

just found this

"A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. The bartender says "I guess you won't be needing a drink", and the naked lady says....."

Are you dying to know the end??? WELL I'm sorry to disappoint you but there is no ending! Well actually there IS but only Judd knows the answer! There is an old Judd Nelson article saying he made the joke up, so there is no official ending, only Judd knows the punch-line.

So it looks like you gotta find Judd

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psili

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#30

10-06-2004, 06:31 AM

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
just found this

So it looks like you gotta find Judd

Thanks man, for helping though

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#31

10-06-2004, 06:34 AM

Originally posted by Silent Bob Jedi
Thanks I just found these on a "bar jokes" site

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Listen," he says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?"

"We'll see," says the bartender.

So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play.

"Impressive," says the bartender, "but I'll need to see more."

"Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River."

A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog."

"Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves.

"It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune."

"Not really," says the guy, "The hamster is also a vantriloquist."
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Melvin the Dude

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#32

10-06-2004, 06:36 AM

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk all walk into a bar....

the bartender looks at them in disbelief and says "what is this...some kind of joke?"
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#33

10-06-2004, 07:40 AM

Originally posted by European Lee
A guy walks into a bar and ask for 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers.

The bartender asks the guy 'are you celebrating?'

The guy says yes.

The bartender asks 'what are you celebrating?'

The guys says 'my first blowjob'

The bartender congratulates the guy and offers to buy him another drink to which the guy replies..

No thanks. If 7 shots of tequila and 5 beers wont get rid of the taste nothing will

Regards,

Lee

that's funny ;))))

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#34

10-06-2004, 07:46 AM

A blonde walked into a bar

you'd think she would have noticed the door.

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#35

10-06-2004, 07:48 AM

a blonde walk into bar she decides to sit down next to this really fat guy

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#36

10-06-2004, 07:51 AM

A man walks into a bar and sees a fine looking woman. He steps over to her and says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples."

She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass."

He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just give you a big sloppy kiss then."

She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my boyfriend kill you."

"This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your hahahaha."

She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits.

He yells, "I'll kill him!"

She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's pissed and starts walking in his direction.

She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my hahahaha, and drink from me!"

Her boyfriend stops and says "Sorry babe, I can't fuck with anyone who can drink that much beer."
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#37

10-06-2004, 08:12 AM

a termite walks into to a bar and asked were is the bar tender.

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