RedShoe

This all started on Thursday last week, we ordered Italian take out. Everything seemed fine for a while, but then I got cramps, real bad. Within an hour they had passed.

I just thought it was something in the creme sauce. I'm an Alfredo man. So I dismissed it.
The cramps continued through out the night, and next day.

June 8th was our anniversary, we to Market City Cafe (the one next to the media center), one of our hang-out restaurants. I had the Penne el Pollo. Another creme sauce dish. Again, the cramps hit me hard.

That night we went up to Santa Barbra. A friend of mine was getting married at Neverland Valley, (Michael Jackson's house) I had never been, and I wanted to go, so I didn't let on that I was ill.

The wedding was on Saturday, and we spent the whole day at Neverland, (awesome place!).

The Mrs. and I spent a few hours on Sunday in Solvang, where my cramps kept attacking me.

Tuesday, I finally broke down, and told Cat (the Mrs.) that I couldn't take it anymore.

The cramps were kicking the shit out of me, (literally and physically).

The doctor did a thorough exam, and asked for a few samples, (we won't get into that), and she even did a rectal exam. It was my first, she had done it before. No offense to gays, or women that do anal, but damn that hurt. I swear she put her whole fist in. I asked if she had pushed in up to her elbow, but she said it was just one finger, and that I should try and relax.

I've tried several types of pain relievers, but when those cramps hit, they hit hard, and nothing works. So I'm turning to the good ol' 'cure-all'. Liquor.

A friend suggested this rare, hard core, italian liqueur. Fernet-Branca.
It's not hard core in it's strength, in fact the bottle only reads 40% alc. but it's apparently supposed to work wonders.

The pain is extremely intense. I think I'm dying. I hope I make it to Vegas. If I don't, just assume that I'm dead.
Bye all...

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Keev

Whatever happened to the good ole bite stick and just sticking your ass out the window and FARTING?

One way or another something will come out

Xero

Is he serious?

Jamdin

Did the doc have any ideas? Maybe you got the wrong plate & swallowed somebody's wedding ring.

Anyway, hope you get better.

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MrBrian

menopause?

titmowse

I'm sorry mr redshoe. that shit is awful. you might try the BRAT diet: bananas, rice, applesauce and toast. it works for babies with stomach infections and helps clean the bad stuff out of your system...i hope you get better soon

RedShoe

Hey Titmowse, Jamdin. The DR. suggested just that. The Brat Diet.

So far on the diet, I've had zero brat, and several shots of Fernet-Branco. It tastes horrible, but it works.
And oddly enough it gets better, afetr eash drink. LOL

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TheWatcher

Ever consider red that you are lactose intolerant... both of those dishes have calcium..

Also consider this if you have a stressful life a ulcer could have opened up....

Also Cramps can be derived from Appendicitous but if you have that your skin would be a pale yellowish.

Also a good puking session can solve some problems.


Hope that somewhat helps.. i have a few more ideas ( Has 4 doctors in the family ) just let me know if you want em.

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CDSmith

Just a quick question here....

If an appendix operation is called an "appendectomy".....
and a tonsil operation is called a "tonsilectomy".....
then what do you call a female sex change?


Easy -- it's an "adda-dicktome"

Heeeyok!
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UnseenWorld

Sounds like colitis. Cure: eat more veggies and oatmeal and other fiber.

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Pure

keep hangin' in there man

RedShoe

Unseen,
Actually, the Dr. pulled me off veggies. At Michael Jackson's ranch I had Brocolli. I passed it later that night, completely undigested. GROSS!

Ah, it's too gross to get into.

BTW all, this Fernet - Branca, didn't do shit.(poor choice of words) Ok, it didn't do what I excpected. (how's that?)

I just got a buzz for a while, but now I'm back to cramps. Plus I just got word that JT from the GFY/AP crew won't be in Vegas. Bummer.

RedShoe

CDSmith, thanks for the joke, I needed that

CDSmith

No problem man, anytime.


You really should get checked out for your lactose tolerance, and if I were you I'd make sure I'm having regular BM's. (as in, good dumps every day). If not, you'd be wise to start in on some high fibre bro. There is nothing......repeat; NOTHING like a good big shit in the mid-morning (especially after 2 hours of morning sex)

Damn I miss morning sex
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wolfshade

Sounds like a case of salmonella food poisoning. I think that because I had that once too.

Try this:

1) Drink a lot of tea, it calmes the intestines

2) When eating make yourselve a diet of white rice and chicken filet. Which A) cleans out the intestines B) is not tough on them. Stay on that diet for at least a week.

Don't drink to much liquer as it is only tough on your body. If anything you need vitamines so juice will do a better job then liquer

I doubt you are dying though just hang though.

Wolfshade


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Babagirls

YOU BETTER NOT DIE !!

You know I got love for you!!!!

Get well , baby!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOX!!!!!!!!

fredicus

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RedShoe

Thank you all for you kind and funny words.

dank

Better lay off the special sauces.........
especially the white creamy ones.

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ElvisManson

Redshoe,

Over the weekend the GF and i had friends in from LA. One of them is a well known TV actor who told us a very funny story.

My GF has had a cough for a couple of weeks and he suggested that she perform an enema on herself.

Well you can imagine the "WTF are you talking about" expressions we mustered up in response.

With a completely straight face he informed us that over 80% of the bacteria in our bodies resides in the colon. If you clean it out your body is able to fight off the other 20% that resides elsewhere in your body more effectively.

His mother had told him to do this and he swears by it.

btw he did also relate a very funny story about the first time he tried it and how it went horribly awry....but I'm not getting to get into that.( absolutly no pun intended)

So there it is Redshoe.....Enemas...the only way you will ever be healthy again

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longhair

Believe it or not, my girlfriend just had exactly the same thing. It could be a virus. Her doctor treated it like one and 2 others from her workplace were also out with it at the same time. Bland foods, don't lie down for three hours after eating, and take Tylenol rather than aspirin or ibuprofin. Hang in there bro.

BTW, I saw Glory last night and saw your bosses name in the credits. You work on that one?

RedShoe

Well Elvis, you've never done me wrong before...wait a minute, your friend wouldn't happen to be Matt LeBlanc from Friends, would he?

I think he tried to slip me an enema once.

Thanks for the advice but tell your friend Matt I'll do the enema myself this time.

Tam

sounds like you people need to change your damn eating habits... I can't even imagine trying to SAY those words, much less digest that kind of shit. LMAO

Tam

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Kat - Fast

ask your doc for lomotil and buscopan
keep drinking water too - you can start dehydrating badly after a while

RedShoe

UPDATE: UPDATE
Ok, so as it turns out I'm not dying. I mean I am dying (1 minute at a time, we all are), but I should live a long healthy life.

The results came back in about 3 weeks ago. I had "an usually high white blood cell count". As you know white blood cells fight bacteria, and infection. If you have too many, they tend to treat your own body as an infection, and the white blood cells sort of attack your body.

While on the phone with my DR., she said she wanted to rule out "Auto Immune Defiency", "Cancer", the list went on.

She mentioned a very simple test that I could do at home, I call it the "am I lactose intolerant" test. Basically keep yourself off dairy for about a week, then go and have the biggest milkshake you can. If you get sick, you win.

I waited for a week, and (not being able to find a big milkshake) we went to McDonalds. I had a hot fudge sunday. I've never been more sick. So I assumed I was lactose intolerant.

Today I found out that I'm not dying of cancer, which I thought I was, and that I don't have Auto Immune Defiency. But that I'm "mildly lactose". After all my complaining, and whining, I kind of wish it were something more than "you're just mildly lactose". (Dr.'s drop the "intolerant" part. Hey time is money, and they don't get paid all day to say long words like intolerant).

I was hoping for a little more than just that. Bad heartburn, indigestion, anything else would have been fine, "mildly lactose" What a pussy, I am.

So basically, I can have certain types of dairy, like I can have american cheese if it's processsed a certain way, (as in, not velvetta), but creme sauce in Italian foods makes me a bit ill. I'll have to figure that out on my own through my own, "which cheese makes my ass throw up" test.

In short, I'm not dying.
I AM STILL BP-4-LIFE!!!

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boneprone

congrats!
Now I have to find out what is wrong with me..

Im soo fucking sick, I feel like shit, and im not getting better.

You may have to carry the boneprone family if I dont make it.

Bruno

hey Redshoe,

I know nothing about medicine man, but let me tell you, it's half on your head! Just think positive!

I never get sick because I do NOT allow myself to get sick. Just think positive - try to eat healthy - some sports or gym would do you good i suppose

Get better - think positive.

Take care,

Bruno

jimmyf

18 years ago I had some Pizza at my buddy's Pizza Parlor, woke up in the middle of the night, man I had a tummy
ache. I tried to go back to sleep but no way could I.

I was mad as hell at my buddy I thought I'd gotten food poisoning from his Pizza, god I was mad.
At around 1:00 am I went to the hospital, they did some test, and while the Doc was waiting for the test results, he
was asking me all these questions about if I'd had this and that. He then ask me If I drank and I told him no, he ask have
you ever drank, yep I use to, how much, a sex pack for breakfast I told him to get started, am serious. He ask me
what made you quit, did you find Jesus, told him why fuck no.

I had Appendicitous.

Man I thought I was going to die.

Am also still looking for that guy.

Jim

[This message has been edited by jimmyf (edited 07-27-2001).]

[This message has been edited by jimmyf (edited 07-27-2001).]

Biggy

Red- I feel for ya man.. I hate the fucking cramps.. When I get'em, the only thing i can do is lie down. They kill me too... Good Luck.. Hope all goes well

TheFLY

try another doctor... sounds like it could be serious man...

above all though -- just listen to your body... your body is smarter than any doctor. I highly doubt you will die from this -- unless there's something living inside of you ehhehe... try tequilla "Lapis" -- that should kill whatever's living inside of you...



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TheFLY

anyway don't let another doctor probe your ass... like that's going to solve anything.



[This message has been edited by TheFLY (edited 07-27-2001).]

RedShoe

I don't think her finger probe was a real test.
She stuck her finger in my ass, pulled it out, took off her glove and just tossed it in the trash. Hmm, I don't even think she looked at it.

I might take you up on that Tequilla idea...

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