Stuff Ive learned from porn... - GoFuckYourself.com

Machine · 07-19-2001, 01:18 PM

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman.

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Machine
Webmastercommerce.com
Jerkoffhere.com

enoj · 07-19-2001, 01:32 PM

That's one of the best laughs i've had from a forum!

Nice!

Machine · 07-19-2001, 01:37 PM

I got a laugh out of it, so Id thought Id share it with you guys.

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Machine
Webmastercommerce.com
Jerkoffhere.com

boneprone · 07-19-2001, 01:57 PM

I dont get it.. My wife falls into about 70% of the items listed..

Guess she is just well trained.
Thank god for pornos.

If any of you guys dont fall into this bracket with yo women, send your bitches to boneprone's school of bitches and hoes creations. Ill train em for ya.

Machine · 07-19-2001, 01:59 PM

Dont listen to him! I sent mine and after shelling out hundreds of dollars, she came back with crabs, a poop fetish, and was sporting a strap-on!! I want my money back!

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Machine
Webmastercommerce.com
Jerkoffhere.com

bauhaus · 07-19-2001, 02:07 PM

That was pretty funny.....My wife would slap me in the head for every smile cracked after reading that...ssssshhhh

Shit after reading that I should be the one slapping her....and I don't mean with my hands.

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Machine · 07-19-2001, 02:09 PM

Do it man! Penis shaped bruises are a big hit at parties.

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Machine
Webmastercommerce.com
Jerkoffhere.com

Rainmaker · 07-19-2001, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by boneprone:
I dont get it.. My wife falls into about 70% of the items listed..

Guess she is just well trained.
Thank god for pornos.

If any of you guys dont fall into this bracket with yo women, send your bitches to boneprone's school of bitches and hoes creations. Ill train em for ya.

I got only 2 questions:
1) just curiuous about those 30% left
2) where did you find her ?

Chris R · 07-19-2001, 03:35 PM

Oh that was too funny.

I did learn how to spell amateur correctly - only after selling porn.

I especially liked #18.

I never really understood why pornos had plots. I used to work at a TV/VCR repair place and we had an old guy that would always get his equipment fixed there. He became friendly with our chief VCR tech and when he died he left him 7 trash bags full of porn videos. Well his wife was not happy about this, so I got some as well as everyone else that worked there.

That is the only thing I have ever gotten from a will - indirectly.

Anyway, I never really understood why they bothered - I would always have to fast forward to the good parts. I think I should start a company named "plotless porn". No music, no plots, just fucking and sucking.

RedShoe · 07-19-2001, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Machine:
...I sent mine and after shelling out hundreds of dollars...I want my money back!

Well hey! GET IN LINE!!
I've been wanting my money back for a long time. He knows what I'm talking about.

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...:::End Of Line:::...
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* uSexFan.com
* ICQ : 114683191

boneprone · 07-19-2001, 03:44 PM

My wife:
Shes a naughty one.
You think Im kiding? Im not.

[This message has been edited by boneprone (edited 07-19-2001).]

boneprone · 07-19-2001, 03:45 PM

u think boneprone would marry an ugly prude? I think not..

[This message has been edited by boneprone (edited 07-19-2001).]

RedShoe · 07-19-2001, 03:48 PM

Does she know about that?

boneprone · 07-19-2001, 03:49 PM

uhh I better fix this statement.. I just now remembered she reads this board from time to time!

[This message has been edited by boneprone (edited 07-19-2001).]

RedShoe · 07-19-2001, 03:54 PM

Yeah but who is she getting it from? Dank?
Better yet, have her gargle my name.

I wonder what that would sound like?

grgwedgoo

I'll hit her up soon on ICQ, once I have enough traffic to trade.

Oh, and tell her I said Hello.

Scoobs · 07-19-2001, 03:57 PM

That was funny!...

Imagine what you would do when you had sex for the first time if you grew up watching porn (from age 18 of course)?

boneprone · 07-19-2001, 03:57 PM

I better change the subject before she comes here and reads this and kicks my ass.. That is no lie, she will kick my ass!

RedShoe · 07-19-2001, 03:59 PM

So then should I change my posts as well?
What's it worth to you? Some traffic maybe?

tha_timinator · 07-19-2001, 10:15 PM

(no need to 'say' more)

----
Tha Timinator www.sxonic.net - premium hosting
"We're the best so fuck the rest!"

Flash · 07-20-2001, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Machine:

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

This is a fucking classic.Thanks for the laugh.

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Your tattooed messiah

[This message has been edited by Flash (edited 07-20-2001).]

Muffy · 07-20-2001, 09:38 AM

I think there should be a radio station that played porn background music all day everyday...it is sooooooooooo perverted.

fantasyc · 07-20-2001, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by boneprone:
I dont get it.. My wife falls into about 70% of the items listed..

Guess she is just well trained.
Thank god for pornos.

If any of you guys dont fall into this bracket with yo women, send your bitches to boneprone's school of bitches and hoes creations. Ill train em for ya.

NO WAY!!! I bet Mrs. Boneprone will not agree

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Thanks ;)
Tracy
Fantasy Content
http://www.fantasycontent.com

bauhaus · 07-20-2001, 01:33 PM

This is for sure one of the funniest posts. Should be a prize for this

Machine · 07-20-2001, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bauhaus:
This is for sure one of the funniest posts. Should be a prize for this

You may be onto something here!

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Machine
Webmastercommerce.com
Jerkoffhere.com

07-19-2001, 01:18 PM	#1
Machine Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Michigan Posts: 660	Stuff Ive learned from porn... 1. Women wear high heels to bed. 2. Men are never impotent. 3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory. 4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her. 5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm. 6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men. 7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob. 8. Women always orgasm when men do. 9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket. 10. All women are noisy fucks. 11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background. 12. Those tits are real. 13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt. 14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum. 15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!) 16. Double penetration makes women smile. 17. Asian men don't exist. 18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth. 19. There's a plot. 20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt. 21. Nurses suck patients cocks. 22. Men always pull out. 23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you. 24. Women never have headaches... or periods. 25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it". 26. Assholes are clean. 27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned. 28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there. 29. Men don't have to beg. 30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman. ------------------ Machine Webmastercommerce.com Jerkoffhere.com

07-19-2001, 01:32 PM	#2
enoj Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Norway Posts: 155	That's one of the best laughs i've had from a forum! Nice!

07-19-2001, 01:37 PM	#3
Machine Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Michigan Posts: 660	I got a laugh out of it, so Id thought Id share it with you guys. ------------------ Machine Webmastercommerce.com Jerkoffhere.com

07-19-2001, 01:57 PM	#4
boneprone Hall Of Fame Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Portland Oregon USA Posts: 34,415	I dont get it.. My wife falls into about 70% of the items listed.. Guess she is just well trained. Thank god for pornos. If any of you guys dont fall into this bracket with yo women, send your bitches to boneprone's school of bitches and hoes creations. Ill train em for ya.

07-19-2001, 01:59 PM	#5
Machine Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Michigan Posts: 660	Dont listen to him! I sent mine and after shelling out hundreds of dollars, she came back with crabs, a poop fetish, and was sporting a strap-on!! I want my money back! ------------------ Machine Webmastercommerce.com Jerkoffhere.com

07-19-2001, 02:07 PM	#6
bauhaus Confirmed User Join Date: May 2001 Location: Costa Rica Posts: 773	That was pretty funny.....My wife would slap me in the head for every smile cracked after reading that...ssssshhhh Shit after reading that I should be the one slapping her....and I don't mean with my hands. ------------------ XXXPORNCASH 100% Initial and Recurring Credit Card Revenue [email protected] 1-888-737-7121 x629

07-19-2001, 02:09 PM	#7
Machine Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Michigan Posts: 660	Do it man! Penis shaped bruises are a big hit at parties. ------------------ Machine Webmastercommerce.com Jerkoffhere.com

07-19-2001, 03:35 PM	#9
Chris R Confirmed User Join Date: May 2001 Location: Baltimore, MD USA Posts: 1,151	Oh that was too funny. I did learn how to spell amateur correctly - only after selling porn. I especially liked #18. I never really understood why pornos had plots. I used to work at a TV/VCR repair place and we had an old guy that would always get his equipment fixed there. He became friendly with our chief VCR tech and when he died he left him 7 trash bags full of porn videos. Well his wife was not happy about this, so I got some as well as everyone else that worked there. That is the only thing I have ever gotten from a will - indirectly. Anyway, I never really understood why they bothered - I would always have to fast forward to the good parts. I think I should start a company named "plotless porn". No music, no plots, just fucking and sucking.

07-19-2001, 03:44 PM	#11
boneprone Hall Of Fame Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Portland Oregon USA Posts: 34,415	My wife: Shes a naughty one. You think Im kiding? Im not. [This message has been edited by boneprone (edited 07-19-2001).]

07-19-2001, 03:45 PM	#12
boneprone Hall Of Fame Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Portland Oregon USA Posts: 34,415	u think boneprone would marry an ugly prude? I think not.. [This message has been edited by boneprone (edited 07-19-2001).]

07-19-2001, 03:48 PM	#13
RedShoe 赤い靴 call me 202-456-1111 Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: The Valley Posts: 14,831	Does she know about that?

07-19-2001, 03:49 PM	#14
boneprone Hall Of Fame Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Portland Oregon USA Posts: 34,415	uhh I better fix this statement.. I just now remembered she reads this board from time to time! [This message has been edited by boneprone (edited 07-19-2001).]

07-19-2001, 03:54 PM	#15
RedShoe 赤い靴 call me 202-456-1111 Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: The Valley Posts: 14,831	Yeah but who is she getting it from? Dank? Better yet, have her gargle my name. I wonder what that would sound like? grgwedgoo I'll hit her up soon on ICQ, once I have enough traffic to trade. Oh, and tell her I said Hello.

07-19-2001, 03:57 PM	#16
Scoobs Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Out back Posts: 492	That was funny!... Imagine what you would do when you had sex for the first time if you grew up watching porn (from age 18 of course)?

07-19-2001, 03:59 PM	#18
RedShoe 赤い靴 call me 202-456-1111 Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: The Valley Posts: 14,831	So then should I change my posts as well? What's it worth to you? Some traffic maybe?

07-19-2001, 10:15 PM	#19
tha_timinator Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Amsterdam, the Netherlands Posts: 590	(no need to 'say' more) ---- Tha Timinator www.sxonic.net - premium hosting "We're the best so fuck the rest!"

07-20-2001, 09:38 AM	#21
Muffy Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Toronto and Italy Posts: 494	I think there should be a radio station that played porn background music all day everyday...it is sooooooooooo perverted.

07-20-2001, 01:33 PM	#23
bauhaus Confirmed User Join Date: May 2001 Location: Costa Rica Posts: 773	This is for sure one of the funniest posts. Should be a prize for this