FTVGirls

Must... rant... anger uncontrollable... faceless strangers on internet will sympathize... form army... help me gain revenge on all my... enemies.

On my drive to work just now, the following sequence of events occured:
1. I'm tailgated by a Ford Expedition (for the record, I was well over the speed limit, so it wasn't just me driving like a grandpa). Since it is high and big, and my car is not, the headlights reflecting off my mirror blinded me.
2. Said Ford Expedition passes me then cuts me off without signalling. Immediately slows down to slower than I was going while being tailgated, forcing me to slow down as well.
3. Ford Expedition decides they want to go fast again, so they take off and I lose sight of it briefly.
4. I pass Ford Expedition at a red light. It had decided to change lanes and found itself in the lane with the longer wait. As I pass, I notice that the Ford Expedition is being used to transport : 110 pounds of sorority girl. That is all. Well, that's not true, it was carrying her cell phone, too. (I hope it was her boyfriend dumping her on the other end of the line)
5. Light turns green. Ford Expedition changes lanes again to be in lane that is currently faster. Once again, I am tailgated.
6. You guessed it! Ford Expedition passes me and cuts me off AGAIN.
7. I reached the place where I had to turn, so my adventures with Ford Expedition were over. For now. Presumably, Ford Expedition has run into 4 or 5 other small cars by now, killing the owners and destroying the cars, but owner of Ford Expedition has not yet noticed.

I don't know how much people in other countries have to deal with these things, but SUVs are the bane of my driving existence (and my existence in general). They represent everything that is wrong with the US. Don't get me wrong, I'm suitably jingoist about the US, but if there was a God of International Perceptions of Americans, his Avatar would ride around in an SUV. Probably a Ford Expedition. They are bloated, greedy, represent a complete disregard for the rest of the world and stink of arrogance. It wouldn't be so bad if the drivers were park rangers or a mountain rescue team or something, but they're not. For the most part, they never even go off-road (of course if they did, there'd still be something wrong with it. Not being paved is Nature's way of saying "DON'T drive 10 tons of machine tooled steel on me!") SUV drivers come in three flavors :
1. "Daddy Bought it for Me" Teenager-early twenties. If male, plays really bad music really loud(remember, the louder the music and the deeper the base, the bigger his ***** must be). If female, generally isn't tall enough to see over the wheel, which causes all kinds of problems.
2. "I'm not a Soccer Mom, honest" Middle aged female. Large quantity of children is soccer uniforms in back seats. Thinks driving SUV makes her cooler than the soccer moms that drive minivans. Problem : minivans have a certain amount of "yeah, i've got a lot of people to move around, ya got a problem with that?" credibility. Conclusion: soccer mom in a minivan >> cooler than soccer mom in SUV. Less dangerous to the general populace as well.
3. "Wait, what do they say about guys that drive big cars?" this is the grown up version of type 1 males. Their current SUV was probably purchased by them. Has receding hairline and a combover. Uses SUV as proof that he must have an extraordinarily large member. My puny Honda and manhood are shamed by his presence.

And the other thing - just because you can afford a massive car doesn't mean you know how to drive it! Because you're higher up, you lose perspective. Also, just because you have a large enough engine in that monstrosity to accelerate faster than my Honda can, doesn't mean you can stop as fast as my Honda. It's called inertia. Massive object = lots of momentum. SO STOP TAILGATING ME!

Don't even get me started on the environmental issues.

If I have insulted anyone who drives an SUV, good.

Mr Dickovitch

Welcome to 1995 idiot.

Yes some people drive an SUV, get over it.

AndrewKanuck

I love SUV's - so therefor they rock

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boneprone

I agree.

Im sellnig my SUV tomorrow and buying a mini instead.

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strats

haha, Mr. DICKovitch probably bought his little wifey a SuV?

Manowar

let me guess, you drive an SUV ?

ProjectNaked

Sorry about that, my girlfriend was late for a girl on girl shoot, she gets so excited over those. Anyway she was on the phone complaining about a little p.o.s. in front of her driving really slow and holding her up. I made her give me oral three times that night for being late, THANKS

cherrylula

I see people almost kill other people just like that everytime I leave my house.

Just about anytime I see some asshole driving not just an suv, but an expensive car in general, they are on a fucking cell phone and driving like shit.

Sometimes we even yell shit at people it gets so annoying. Especially the suv mom's with a pack of kids in the back.

Peaches

In Atlanta, there are more horrible drivers in souped up Civics than in SUVs. Bad drivers don't pick particular cars to drive

trigger_bucks

moms on cell-phones while driving get a good dose of me cutting them off andstopping-short on their asses! Nothing more annoying.

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detroitiron

Personally I wonder about people that drive Exploders, they handle like crap, they have got to be the top 5 worst handling vehicles ever made, why do people drive them??? The "Command Position" is really nice, but just about all SUV's offer that and handle alot better, Explorers are shit thou imo....

jade_dragon

Husbands, dads and boyfriends put their women in SUVs so they can have a better chance of surviving the accidents they will inevitably be in because they lacked the want to learn proper driving skills.

It really angers me to think that a guy out there basically said "Fuck your loved ones, I know mine can not drive and since I think she will get in a wreck, better you and yours than my loved ones".

My shop gets Japanese cars that were destroyed by SUVs all the time and we make good bank selling parts to body shops, my very first japanese car fell to a Jeep Liberty when I was younger, stupid teen girl on the phone not paying attention.

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NoCarrier

Sorry, I really wanted to read your story but the layout was killing me..

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Fletch XXX

i laugh everytime one rolls over.

you cant drive in LA without seeing a Hummer or SUV on its side or insanely thrased from a rollover.

I hope they all die in them.

look up the accident and roll over rates, in LA these moms think they can go 100 on the freeway and not cause accident, well again, die slow motherfuckers

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Peaches

I have one and while out of every car I've ever owned, it's been in the shop more than all of them combined it really doesn't handle any worse than any other SUV or truck I've owned.

If you're comparing it against a sportcar, or really ANY car, then yes, it handles a LOT worse

JSA Matt

detoxed

I'm 21,bought my own SUV, and have a big penis. And I'll run your ass over if you ever bitch about me and my SUV.

JSA Matt

Peaches

LOL, JSA Matt! What do you drive?

JSA Matt

JSA Matt

Haha, i'm no better, just thought some of those were pretty funny... I drive a big ass Merc Grand Marquis

Peaches

detroitiron

Pussy

C_U_Next_Tuesday

I wouldnt mind trading mine in for a little subaru outback.. but I need 4 wheel drive to go where I go.

Its not the SUV you need ot be pissed at..its the brainless fuckhead girl behind the wheel gabbing on the phone.

I hate talking on the phone when I am trying to drive.. I hate talking on the phone when I am at home.

what I am sick of is SUV haters always hitting my SUV out of spite and causeing numerous dents and scrapes just because they hate SUVs..it happens often. I cant really help that hubby bought the SUV for me.

JSA Matt

I forget where, but there is another one that says "My SUV helps me feel better about my small penis"

Evil1

Instead of bitching, do what i did, buy a jacked up jeep that towers over most anything else on the road. You win!

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Fletch XXX

personally i like the shirt

"Soldiers are dying so soccer moms dont have to carpool"

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escorpio

Fuck off, hippies. I love my SUV.

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FTVGirls

I've got too many dents in my car doorsides due to SUV's... when I get my Mercedes SL, I aint parking no where near them.

I have a Mitsubishi 3000GT right now, it tends to be in a lot of my photos... but the dents are hard to avoid

retrograde

Amen.

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C_U_Next_Tuesday

I park so far away in parking lots its a wonder i dont get mugged to and from the vehicle.. but it never fails I come outside to find some inconsiderate fuck parked right up on my vehicle and paint scrapes and door dings. I should give them the favor back but I am considerate of others property , whether I like it or not...

it goes both ways my friend... the sad thing is my dings come from hatred of my vehicle and yours probably comes from people just not being able to see and carelessness.

great pics btw

Tom_PMs

If you buy a heavy enough vehicle for business usage, you can get a nice check from uncle sam to help pay for it. Check with your accountant.

SUV's suck when they only have a driver in them.

Do like I do. Go the speed limit with your seatbelt on, and realise that people are idiots.

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jonesy

grow up, get your shit together and deal with stress like a normal person.

LET IT GO ....

assholes drive all sorts of cars AND rice rockets too..

btw when that revolution comes you'll be lookin up at hanging out the window of my SUV while my boat or jet ski on the back fishtails all over the fucking highway between hits of pabst blue ribbon!.

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FTVGirls

And I thought I was raging haha!

Mr Pheer

tootie

I <3 SUVs

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jonesy

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korzon

i couldnt agree more

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Mutt

i have seen the FTV Mansion, now u need an FTVmobile

chodadog

The subaru outback is 4wd. In fact, there hasn't been a 2wd Subaru of any kind since the mid-90's.

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Thomas N

Translation: you are pissed that you can't afford a nice big SUV.

I'll drive nice HUGE SUV's my entire life. I hope that really pisses you off, whiner.

myjah

Haha. If my kid played soccer, I'd fall in the #2 category.

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chodadog

You may as well just have "Retard" tattooed on your forehead while you're at it.

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WarChild

I have two large dogs. Realistically, they're too big to fit in even the back seat of a 4 door car. Not to mention it'd make a mess, and be dangerous (licked in the face at highway speeds?!?).

So I bought an SUV.

rowan

I've had several semi-trailers tailgating me recently. Being less than a car length behind me at 100km/hr (60mph) is complete madness. If I had to stop suddenly they would be crushing my back seat before their foot was ever on the brake.