FTVGirls

Must... rant... anger uncontrollable... faceless strangers on internet will sympathize... form army... help me gain revenge on all my... enemies.

On my drive to work just now, the following sequence of events occured:
1. I'm tailgated by a Ford Expedition (for the record, I was well over the speed limit, so it wasn't just me driving like a grandpa). Since it is high and big, and my car is not, the headlights reflecting off my mirror blinded me.
2. Said Ford Expedition passes me then cuts me off without signalling. Immediately slows down to slower than I was going while being tailgated, forcing me to slow down as well.
3. Ford Expedition decides they want to go fast again, so they take off and I lose sight of it briefly.
4. I pass Ford Expedition at a red light. It had decided to change lanes and found itself in the lane with the longer wait. As I pass, I notice that the Ford Expedition is being used to transport : 110 pounds of sorority girl. That is all. Well, that's not true, it was carrying her cell phone, too. (I hope it was her boyfriend dumping her on the other end of the line)
5. Light turns green. Ford Expedition changes lanes again to be in lane that is currently faster. Once again, I am tailgated.
6. You guessed it! Ford Expedition passes me and cuts me off AGAIN.
7. I reached the place where I had to turn, so my adventures with Ford Expedition were over. For now. Presumably, Ford Expedition has run into 4 or 5 other small cars by now, killing the owners and destroying the cars, but owner of Ford Expedition has not yet noticed.

I don't know how much people in other countries have to deal with these things, but SUVs are the bane of my driving existence (and my existence in general). They represent everything that is wrong with the US. Don't get me wrong, I'm suitably jingoist about the US, but if there was a God of International Perceptions of Americans, his Avatar would ride around in an SUV. Probably a Ford Expedition. They are bloated, greedy, represent a complete disregard for the rest of the world and stink of arrogance. It wouldn't be so bad if the drivers were park rangers or a mountain rescue team or something, but they're not. For the most part, they never even go off-road (of course if they did, there'd still be something wrong with it. Not being paved is Nature's way of saying "DON'T drive 10 tons of machine tooled steel on me!") SUV drivers come in three flavors :
1. "Daddy Bought it for Me" Teenager-early twenties. If male, plays really bad music really loud(remember, the louder the music and the deeper the base, the bigger his ***** must be). If female, generally isn't tall enough to see over the wheel, which causes all kinds of problems.
2. "I'm not a Soccer Mom, honest" Middle aged female. Large quantity of children is soccer uniforms in back seats. Thinks driving SUV makes her cooler than the soccer moms that drive minivans. Problem : minivans have a certain amount of "yeah, i've got a lot of people to move around, ya got a problem with that?" credibility. Conclusion: soccer mom in a minivan >> cooler than soccer mom in SUV. Less dangerous to the general populace as well.
3. "Wait, what do they say about guys that drive big cars?" this is the grown up version of type 1 males. Their current SUV was probably purchased by them. Has receding hairline and a combover. Uses SUV as proof that he must have an extraordinarily large member. My puny Honda and manhood are shamed by his presence.

And the other thing - just because you can afford a massive car doesn't mean you know how to drive it! Because you're higher up, you lose perspective. Also, just because you have a large enough engine in that monstrosity to accelerate faster than my Honda can, doesn't mean you can stop as fast as my Honda. It's called inertia. Massive object = lots of momentum. SO STOP TAILGATING ME!

Don't even get me started on the environmental issues.

If I have insulted anyone who drives an SUV, good.