This one's for all the husbands who have been shot down by the wifey....

[chase]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire
gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I
do."

For example, one evening last week, my wife and I were getting
into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!!

What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads
to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."


She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love
me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went
to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy
them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said
lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing
me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I
said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this
is all dear,let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

[iFliPcEss]

whahahahaha nice bounce back bro

[chase]

Originally posted by iFliPcEss
whahahahaha nice bounce back bro

Can't can't credit for it, actually..got it in an email, lol.
And I'm a chick, anyway, lol.

[C_U_Next_Tuesday]

good one

but seriously..are there women out there that really act like that?

If I want something.. I buy it myself.

[Doctor Dre]

Ownage ... bookmarked this thread

[MandyBlake]

Originally posted by C_U_Next_Tuesday
good one

but seriously..are there women out there that really act like that?

If I want something.. I buy it myself.

No shit.

[chase]

Originally posted by C_U_Next_Tuesday
good one

but seriously..are there women out there that really act like that?

If I want something.. I buy it myself.

I hear ya...I'm a SAHM, and having newly ventured into the industry, I don't have much income of my own, but still, I pay the bills and buy for the kids with my husband's money, and in exchange for having him cover the majority my share of the family's expenses, I do the majority of the housework, shopping, kid-rearing, cooking, etc. Not that he doesn't help, too, when I ask for help. I don't even use his money to invest in my biz, I use what I earn. The only jewelery he's bought for me is our wedding set; I am far from spoiled. I don't like that "I owe him" feeling, so I'd rather sell stuff on eBay, make porn sites, or do camshows and get the things I want, but don't need, by myself.
But, there are women who value external security over independence. to each his, or her, own, lol.

[VirtuMike]

PWN3D

Wait. Who was owned? I think the girl was - she had it coming. And if it's just about sex, he should get really drunk and not shave or shower for a couple days and hold out when she ovulates. Rack up some nice ball cheese.

[Preacher]

ha ha ha... that is sooo cruel... fucking funny!

[BuckLover]

True!

[Oracle Porn]

OMG THAT'S HILARIOUS!

[Tom_PMs]

Thats a good one, lol

[Rochard]

Ouch.

(I just fell out my chair fucking laughing!)

[Brujah]

LOL I love this one.. got a friend this will be perfect for.

[the_wizz]

Thats too funny and too true.....

My wife goes apeshite crazy spending on ebay and stuff and she's the queen of tease.....

the one time I buy something for me (which she had been meaning to get for my birthday two months ago) I don't hear the end of how little money we have....

[dig420]

I've never had this problem, most women I've gone out with are sex machines. I thought they all were.

My current girlfriend is doing her best to fuck me to death.

[Fletch XXX]

Originally posted by dig420
I've never had this problem, most women I've gone out with are sex machines. I thought they all were.

My current girlfriend is doing her best to fuck me to death.

studs will be studs

[dig420]

Originally posted by Fletch XXX
studs will be studs

I don't know that I'm such a stud... girls have dirty, dirty minds and maybe I'm just perverted enough to make them feel free to express themselves without fear of condemnation lol

[Slickcash Lisa]

LOL....Thats was good!!!!

[Syl]

Originally posted by dig420
I've never had this problem, most women I've gone out with are sex machines. I thought they all were.

My current girlfriend is doing her best to fuck me to death.

You must be doing something right. We need more like you.

[hydro]

she said no?

women were only put on this earth to be fucked and cook for men.

[xxxoutsourcing]

Too funny - great story....

[n3in]

hahaha that was hilarious!