This one's for all the husbands who have been shot down by the wifey....
 

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire
gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I
do."

For example, one evening last week, my wife and I were getting
into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!!

What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads
to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."


She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love
me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went
to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy
them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said
lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing
me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I
said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this
is all dear,let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

whahahahaha nice bounce back bro :thumbsup

Can't can't credit for it, actually..got it in an email, lol.
And I'm a chick, anyway, lol.:1orglaugh

good one :1orglaugh

but seriously..are there women out there that really act like that?

If I want something.. I buy it myself.

Ownage ... bookmarked this thread

No shit.

I hear ya...I'm a SAHM, and having newly ventured into the industry, I don't have much income of my own, but still, I pay the bills and buy for the kids with my husband's money, and in exchange for having him cover the majority my share of the family's expenses, I do the majority of the housework, shopping, kid-rearing, cooking, etc. Not that he doesn't help, too, when I ask for help. I don't even use his money to invest in my biz, I use what I earn. The only jewelery he's bought for me is our wedding set; I am far from spoiled. I don't like that "I owe him" feeling, so I'd rather sell stuff on eBay, make porn sites, or do camshows and get the things I want, but don't need, by myself.
But, there are women who value external security over independence. to each his, or her, own, lol.

PWN3D

Wait. Who was owned? I think the girl was - she had it coming. And if it's just about sex, he should get really drunk and not shave or shower for a couple days and hold out when she ovulates. Rack up some nice ball cheese.

ha ha ha... that is sooo cruel... fucking funny! :thumbsup

True!:winkwink:

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh
OMG THAT'S HILARIOUS!

Thats a good one, lol :)

Ouch.

(I just fell out my chair fucking laughing!)

LOL I love this one.. got a friend this will be perfect for.

Thats too funny and too true.....

My wife goes apeshite crazy spending on ebay and stuff and she's the queen of tease.....

the one time I buy something for me (which she had been meaning to get for my birthday two months ago) I don't hear the end of how little money we have....

I've never had this problem, most women I've gone out with are sex machines. I thought they all were.

My current girlfriend is doing her best to fuck me to death.

studs will be studs

I don't know that I'm such a stud... girls have dirty, dirty minds and maybe I'm just perverted enough to make them feel free to express themselves without fear of condemnation lol

LOL....Thats was good!!!!

You must be doing something right. We need more like you. :thumbsup

she said no? :feels-hot

women were only put on this earth to be fucked and cook for men.

Too funny - great story.... :1orglaugh

hahaha that was hilarious!