chase

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire
gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I
do."

For example, one evening last week, my wife and I were getting
into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!!

What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads
to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."


She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love
me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went
to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy
them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said
lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing
me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I
said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this
is all dear,let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.