The Ode To Oral Sex

Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what's your revenge, your on the rag.

The Pickled Penis

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS"

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.
The bear says "dont you hate how shit sticks to your fur?"
Rabbit says, "I've never had that problem, shit never sticks to my fur"
Bear says "really? wow thats great"
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with it.

A priest, rabbi, Jesus and a beggar are playing golf.
Priest tees off and hits the rough.
Rabbi tees off and hits the sand trap.
Jesus tees off and the ball lands on top of the water and sits there.
Beggar tees off and hits a tree, bounces off the cart path, bounces off a spectator and lands right on the green
Priest turns to Jesus and says "I hate playing with your dad."

Train Set

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we're going down the tracks"

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now, I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train... but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember to take all of your
belongings with you. We thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She heard her little darling continue... "for those of you just boarding, remember there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen..."

Some good stuff here will have to take time to read it and see which ones might get an extra prize.

This is our best selection of sets on an offer YET. 20 sets for $25. Over 1700 pictures. Solo, girl/girl, boy/girl, teen, amateur, DP, anal, vibrators and more...

click here for more
http://www.paulmarkham.com/bitmaps/2992.gif

If you buy the set and like it, come back and say THANK YOU.

A quick look at some samples.

http://www.paulmarkham.com/temp/2992cat.jpg

As I said this is our best selection of sets so far, but then WTF do I know about pictureS??

Sorry about the quality and size had to reduce the images from 1024 each and compress them, to save on B/W.

This ones in the running.

So is this one.

Another good one.

Good one :thumbsup

Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?


A: A pimp.

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"

Any winners?

Q: "Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?"

A: "He was dead"


love that one:glugglug

Yes, but keep posting the jokes. I love them. :1orglaugh

The big one?

"Best Come Back Line Ever "

This was apparently in the Washington Post... the title of the
article was "Best Come Back Line Ever."

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white
male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public
indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County
courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing
a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and
squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles.
At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose,
cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"Guess I was really into it, you know?"
he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process,
Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car
approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda
Taylor approached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's for sure,"
said officer Taylor "I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just pumping
away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize
that you're having sex with a pumpkin?". " He froze and was clearly
very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the
face and said ... "A pumpkin? F*** me, is it midnight already?"


:winkwink: