having a bad day? Try THESE on for size! - GoFuckYourself.com

blakkfrogg · 03-30-2001, 08:26 AM

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section
of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased
male w as dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his

back, flippers, and face mask.

A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully
clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a
diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The
fire-fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible,
called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water
was
dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied.

You guessed it.

One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next
he
was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.
Apparently he extinguished exactly 5' 10" of the fire.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998

STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in
the
kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it
accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle

bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the
motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her
husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying
next
to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and
summoned the ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the
several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to
her
husband.

After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital,
the
wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper
towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.
The
man was treated and released to come home.

Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the
damage
done
to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat
down
on
the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he
flipped
it between his legs into the toilet bowl while
seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her
husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband
lying
on
the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns
on
the
buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin.

The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same
paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The

paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying
him
to
the street.

While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the

wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the
husband had burned himself.

She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them

slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell
down
the remaining stairs and broke his arm.

Taken from a Florida Newspaper.

STILL HAVING A BAD DAY?
Just remember, it could be worse...

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez
oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers

and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer
whale ate them both.

2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a
carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his
reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an
axe
leaving her mentally retarded.

3. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist
towards
the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current
she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking
his
arm
in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listeningto his
Walkman.

4. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs,
all
two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded,
trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally...
5. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a
letter
bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting
it
was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Your day's not so bad, is it... ?

------------------
Something New... http://www.americas-best.com/adult

Shocker · 03-30-2001, 08:44 AM

I once woke up in a bathtub full of ice, with a note next to the tub saying "call 911, we took one of your kidneys".

The ambulance taking me to the hospital flashed its highbeams at a car driving with no lights on. Turns out that it was a gang initiation, in which the occupants of the car were going to kill the first person who flashed their highbeams.

We would have all been killed, except that since I had forwarded a chain letter to 10 people the day before, I was blessed with good luck and we all made it to the hospital unharmed.

Too bad about my kidney, though.

blakkfrogg · 03-30-2001, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shocker:
I once woke up in a bathtub full of ice, with a note next to the tub saying "call 911, we took one of your kidneys".

The ambulance taking me to the hospital flashed its highbeams at a car driving with no lights on. Turns out that it was a gang initiation, in which the occupants of the car were going to kill the first person who flashed their highbeams.

We would have all been killed, except that since I had forwarded a chain letter to 10 people the day before, I was blessed with good luck and we all made it to the hospital unharmed.

Too bad about my kidney, though.

That summed up, like, at least THREE urban legends in one! You're good at this.

LOL

------------------
Something New... http://www.americas-best.com/adult

Jamdin · 03-30-2001, 10:32 AM

LOL...the only thing I found interesting was the fact that wife didn't flush the toilet after she put the paper towels in it. I could see her flushing it several times before it flooded...

------------------
Moongem Erotica Moongem Fiction

blakkfrogg · 03-30-2001, 10:38 AM

Paper towels in a toilet can lead to severe clogs from what I know of plumbing. That, too, may be an interesting point to consider.

------------------
Something New... http://www.americas-best.com/adult

X-Web · 03-30-2001, 12:03 PM

thanks for posting them.. i enjoyed reading them..

------------------
----------------------
[email protected]

JstTGpz · 03-30-2001, 12:18 PM

same here

dude

JstTGpz · 03-30-2001, 12:26 PM

I once knew this guy.

He and his friends got HIGH one day, and decided it would be cool to steal wheelchair's from disablied/elderly people. They stole one and decided to have fun with it, so they tied this one guy up, so he couldn't move to the wheelchair and rolled him down a hill. He crashed into some business, got several broken bones/ribs, and got sued.

Pretty funny, eh.

ElvisTG · 03-30-2001, 06:01 PM

That one about the scuba diver is in the movie "Magnolia". You should check it out if you havn't seen it.

NakedChik · 03-30-2001, 11:11 PM

I heard the one about the mail bomb on a radio station that has a daily "Stupid People Shouldn't Breed"
Still funny shit though

sandman! · 03-30-2001, 11:33 PM

webspider · 03-31-2001, 05:28 PM

Good reading, he, he, he!

robrage · 04-01-2001, 06:45 AM

I heard something like the scuba diver one on the news back in '94 when we had those bushfires in the blue mountains around Sydney. I only heard it once, but it was on the TV so it must have been true?

03-30-2001, 08:26 AM	#1
blakkfrogg Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: South of sobriety Posts: 582	having a bad day? Try THESE on for size! Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male w as dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire-fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5' 10" of the fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998 STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY? A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm. Taken from a Florida Newspaper. STILL HAVING A BAD DAY? Just remember, it could be worse... 1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both. 2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally retarded. 3. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listeningto his Walkman. 4. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death. And finally... 5. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. Your day's not so bad, is it... ? ------------------ Something New... http://www.americas-best.com/adult

03-30-2001, 08:44 AM	#2
Shocker Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: San Francisco Posts: 138	I once woke up in a bathtub full of ice, with a note next to the tub saying "call 911, we took one of your kidneys". The ambulance taking me to the hospital flashed its highbeams at a car driving with no lights on. Turns out that it was a gang initiation, in which the occupants of the car were going to kill the first person who flashed their highbeams. We would have all been killed, except that since I had forwarded a chain letter to 10 people the day before, I was blessed with good luck and we all made it to the hospital unharmed. Too bad about my kidney, though.

03-30-2001, 10:32 AM	#4
Jamdin Registered User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Kansas Posts: 3,560	LOL...the only thing I found interesting was the fact that wife didn't flush the toilet after she put the paper towels in it. I could see her flushing it several times before it flooded... ------------------ Moongem Erotica Moongem Fiction

03-30-2001, 10:38 AM	#5
blakkfrogg Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: South of sobriety Posts: 582	Paper towels in a toilet can lead to severe clogs from what I know of plumbing. That, too, may be an interesting point to consider. ------------------ Something New... http://www.americas-best.com/adult

03-30-2001, 12:03 PM	#6
X-Web Banned Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Langley, BC, Canada Posts: 357	thanks for posting them.. i enjoyed reading them.. ------------------ ---------------------- [email protected]

03-30-2001, 12:18 PM	#7
JstTGpz Registered User Join Date: Mar 2001 Posts: 35	same here dude

03-30-2001, 12:26 PM	#8
JstTGpz Registered User Join Date: Mar 2001 Posts: 35	I once knew this guy. He and his friends got HIGH one day, and decided it would be cool to steal wheelchair's from disablied/elderly people. They stole one and decided to have fun with it, so they tied this one guy up, so he couldn't move to the wheelchair and rolled him down a hill. He crashed into some business, got several broken bones/ribs, and got sued. Pretty funny, eh.

03-30-2001, 06:01 PM	#9
ElvisTG Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Raytown, MO USA Posts: 111	That one about the scuba diver is in the movie "Magnolia". You should check it out if you havn't seen it.

03-30-2001, 11:11 PM	#10
NakedChik Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Omaha, NE Posts: 112	I heard the one about the mail bomb on a radio station that has a daily "Stupid People Shouldn't Breed" Still funny shit though

03-30-2001, 11:33 PM	#11
sandman! Icq: 14420613 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: chicago Posts: 15,431

03-31-2001, 05:28 PM	#12
webspider Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Canada Posts: 340	Good reading, he, he, he!

04-01-2001, 06:45 AM	#13
robrage Registered User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: NSW Australia Posts: 5	I heard something like the scuba diver one on the news back in '94 when we had those bushfires in the blue mountains around Sydney. I only heard it once, but it was on the TV so it must have been true?