Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.

Q: If tennis players get tennis elbow, what do gynecologists get?
A: Tunnel vision.

Q: What do they call kids born in whorehouses?
A: Brothel sprouts.

Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
A: They're both meat substitutes.

Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony?
A: The guy who can carry two pitchers of beer and a foot of onion rings!

Q: Who is the most popular girl in a nudist colony?
A: The girl who can eat the last onion ring.

Q: How do you recognize a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: Its not hard.

Q: What do you call a homosexual dinosaur?
A: A Megasorarse!

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: A Lickalotapuss!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A: Fucks Funny!

A long one, and maybe an old one - sry - but I'm posting it anyway :D

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD ?

George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released eChicken 2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Martha Stewart's Answer:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway's Answer:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Ralph Nader's Answer:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been pollutedby unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Pat Buchanan's Answer:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Jerry Falwell's Answer:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.".

John Lennon's Answer:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Aristotle's Answer:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.


Captain Kirk's Answer:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.


Bill Clinton's Answer I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?


The Bible's Answer:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.


Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?


Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

L.A.P.D.'s Answer:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Richard Nixon's Answer:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Buddha's Answer:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Louis Farrakhan's Answer:The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.


The Pope's Answer:That is only for God to know.


Emily Dickenson's Answer:
Because it could not stop for death.

O.J. Simpson's Answer:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.


Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?

oracle porn

True Story! I was in Mexico last month on Vacation...It was late in the day and we were done buying useless shit so I asked a older Mexican sitting in front of a store what time it was. He reached over under the donkey next to him and lifted it's SACK! Then he said "6:30 Senior!" I couldn't FUKIN believe it! In amazement I asked him "You can tell that just by lifting that donkeys sack? He said "No, There is a clock over there on that wall"

i love you guys..................omg....this shit is tooooo funny....damn it.



ok.


i'm going out on the bike tonight for a few hours, keep posting. when i get back i will pick the week 3 winner.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh


brand0n wins week3 of my sig:thumbsup

you just happened to quote one of my favorite movies in that wav

:thumbsup

This two are the best in your list. ;)

movie looked so lame

Now this is priceless! :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh funny thread

http://teenpiccentral.com/images/tys.jpg

haha, this is classic...no matter what way you look at it...because he really said that!

http://teenpiccentral.com/images/soul.jpg


...he'll say it for all you white folk that love saying foshizzle...

we know how popular thats been...:ak47:

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Is it me or does it look like those cows were made for giving head?

omg.........juicy you fuck............your making me laugh



i'm gonna give this one last push here.......so lets see if anyone can top juicy's pics

juicy wins week 4 with this gem:1orglaugh :1orglaugh