AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE

Anxiety.
Stress.

Not able to sleep...

Things are going ok bill wise, most of ya know I just get by in this business.

But I must wonder will I always be just getting by?
It seems inevitable that I am really not getting ahead.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me it seems.
Its like Hope is dead.

Maybe I am stupid.
Maybe I just do not get it...

No matter the case I know I am gonna end up just a washed up designer, there is no way I will be a "High Roller" or "Elite" and not even close to a "Blinger" in my lifetime now.
There is no way, it won't happen. I have been trying for years.
Years of getting burned, years of getting cheated, years of never even being recognised for the things I have done.
Not to sound Egotistical however I feel that I have done many great things for this industry for some really great people.

But through it all...
Never once has it paid off.

I guess thats just the way its gonna be.
Friends of mine make money barely even trying, I try and try and try and only turn up pennies...

We live in an age where owning a word can literally change your destiny its been proven many times through out the nets history to think about that brings admonishment making me feel even stupider for not taking a shot in hindsite.

I can only think of the times when I thought I had a shot at making somthing kool...
I've tried so many times that trying once again is only another defeat in the making in my mind.

Any suggestions?

Sorry my posts been on a big down low but then I guess I oughtah explaine why and hope it passes...


Gonna try and sleep again.

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$5 submissions

Working out and a good long nature walk always works in getting the occassional blues out. Works for me.

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BradM

Hook up with a company who treats you right. Go salary.

rip raster

Beer and strippers

=^..^=

rub one out and you'll sleep better

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hova

Amen!!

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Sarah_Jayne

okay, I recognize myself a year and half ago in your post. Especially, the tunnel statement. If you honestly do feel depressed then go to the doctor. It seems like their is no way out of that tunnel but what I know now is that there is but it takes some work and someone to support you.

People that haven't been in an honest depression just don't understand so when they say just to sleep it off realise they are only trying to help.

kelly

Go and see a doctor - get some meds that will work for you, I'm taking a guess that Cipramil may be good for you - get some advice and get well

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Mikey_219Inc

If the bottom fell out tomorrow, id pick up a weedwhacker, cut peoples yards for $9 an hour and stand in the sunshine and be glad for what i have ... money does not = happiness

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BlazeBank

Refresh your stats every 20 minutes or so, That always cheers me up

LiveDose

AlienQ,

Break up your routine. Try something new or outrageous that takes you out of your comfort zone.

Or maybe you just need a little time away from the computer.

We've all been there. Keep your head up bud.

If you have your health, that is something to be thankful for every single day.

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BiggleJones

man I never felt like beating off when I was depressed. And let me tell you...nothing more pathetic than beating off and crying at the same time. you just can't get lower than that.

But seriously man....all you should do is turn off the tv (if you got it on), Listen to some good psych-up music (Rocky IV soundtrack does me good) and just get to work. I wouldnt suggest going to a strip club as said before...that always made me feel worse. And don't think about all the debt youre in or whatever. Just think about the minimums you gotta pay each month. Thats the only thing that matters. I was goin ape-shit last week, cause I realized I'm around 50k in the hole, and I had no clue how to pay it off. My brother told me to shut up because he has about 120k in student loans. Everyones got problems, and you'll get outta this, soon enough.

And don't worry about being '3R337' or anything. Youre time will come....And if it doesnt, change jobs. I went to film school for 4 years, and as soon as I graduated, I moved to Houston to design pornsites. You never know whats around the corner.

Get some sleep

BiggleJones

haha....dont take that way out unless its an absolute last resort. I mean seeing a Dr. is fine...but I think meds in a lot of cases are just a cop-out. This is gonna be a good life lesson for you.

Va2k

hey man I feel your post 100% hit me up lets do something together. Not saying Ill make you rich or anything but I can at least help ya out. Ya seem like a nice enough guy. For real hit me up lets chat etc..

TOM

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Va2k

Man I agree and disagree when I went through my divorce and lost my job as a firefighter I was down and REAL down I don't know if the meds the quacks gave me really helped but I know when taken them for over 2 years I couldnt even watch a commercial on tv without crying. Hell the wind would blow the wrong way and I would bust out crying.. I got tired of something controlling my emmoitions and got off them.

God damn that made me dizzy sick feeling and the tears for about a month just flowed. Im glad to be off them now for the last 2 years but to this day don't know if it really helped or not. IM still alive so its possible it did help *shrugs*


Tom

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Sarah_Jayne

I was lucky that I didn't go on meds. I had a good doctor that told me that if I went on meds it was atleast a six month commitment. Drugs are not the answer for everyone but NEVER tell a depressed person to put off seing the doctor.

SomeCreep

Hey, chill out a bit. Life isnt about being a high roller, its about enjoying yourself and enjoying what you have. Remember everyday is a new day with potential for anything to happen. One day you may be depressed, alone, and feel like life sucks, and then next you meet the love of your life and start new relationship. You never know.

Just do the best you can and at the end of the day, dont feel depressed that you didnt accomplish what you wanted, take satisfaction in knowing you did your best.

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chupachups

Alien... I recognize everything you are saying there but, not to sound cliche, remember its definetely NOT a bottomless pit. Just hang in there and you´ll get over it. Take a refreshing walk every morning, hang out with your pals and, go get some Zoloft - really works in these cases!

Theo

i feel shit as well the last days.....

let me know if you plan to suicide, we can arrange funerals at discount prices

strats

I personally think your putting into words what you think som are feeling so you can cath them in some psuedo requiem for a dream

strats

Why? I dunno. I just want my own place and 7 computers. why cannot I just do that for myself, then i can stop coming onto internet boards and ripping you retards to shreds.

Shoehorn!

That's great advice. I've been diagnosed with depression for a few years now, medication has definately helped. I am on Zyprexa and Lexapro, ask about them, they work well for me. If you ever need to talk about shit or anything feel free to ICQ me, 72458277. Good luck man, hope everything works out for you.

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B40

I know that feeling....hope you feel better soon....just give it some time

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Kicker

You need time

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ADL Colin

A lot of us have had our ups and downs over the years. Most of the guys that are in your words, elite, had had their share of down periods. Over the years, I've heard some real failure stories from some of the top program operators. They got back up and did it again. There is something to be said for persistence.

What kind of business are you building? What are your chances of "success"? How do you know that? What are you missing that the other guys have? What did they do that you didn't?

If you're consistently missing the mark there is probably something you are doing wrong over and over again. Are you too risky, too cautious, too early, too late, too creative, working in a saturated market? Whatever it is, you probably already know. Think about which traits you possess that might be causing you problems and then go the opposite way until you are deeply unsettled and nervous.

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schiz

Paxil and exercise!

Find a level that YOU are comfortable with and stay there. Being rich isn't everything in life. Most people never get the opportunity.

jacobt

Try deep relaxation. I'm sure there are guys over in the USA that do that kinda shit. I've had anxiety/panic attacks for a few years now, went to this guy and listen to a CD for 30 minutes a day. I don't know if it will help depression particularly, but other things might - if you take into consideration all the beautiful things in the world that you don't even need money to experience it might cheer you up. I always go out and have a look at the stars every night - just to look at what I have got to live for.

Also a lot of depression is due to poor self image - if you don't like the way you look start working out as everyone says. Eat better as well, your diet might be prompting these lows (lack of sugar for example). If you really can't stop feeling bad though, see your doctor and he'll fix you up with something, though I wouldn't rule out just trying to sort it out by yourself

angeleyes

Welcome to Club Insomnia.

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Joesho

Man, AlienQ..... all bullshit aside, I will post serious ..

I Hope things workout for you, I would be innterested in talking with you further... I would say take some time to clear your thoughts, but that is not always easy when time is not on your side, so I will spare you the generalities on some good advice.. there has been several posted. i.e.

Take a nature walk (hike)
go to gym
etc.....

You seem to be a really good guy here, (I of course do not always agree with your point of view) but you seem very geniune, and have been very candid (if your post is real, I believe you do not try the fake shit, so I believe it is)

Good luck bro.....

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Head

Bro;
You keep telling yourself this shit and you now beleive it!!
Tell yourself that you're the best and ask yourself everyminute; 'how can this be better' and your brain will give you an answer!
Read Tony Robbins or better yet get to cd's! Best investment you'll ever make!
Head the Goru has spoken!

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Maximillion

Ask yourself this question.

Am I better off than I was 6 months ago, or a year ago.

If you notice even a slight improvement in your quality of life since those times then you are on the right track.

Success can be a slow process.

Also remember Self Deceit is the easiest thing anyone can do. If it has already conquered you then there is no hope of success at all.

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maxjohan

I was very depressive years ago. I realised that it was just
me feeling bad about myself for no reason.

I had no friends blah blah blah...

I live the same life now and I dont fucking care about
friends and shit... life is good lol.

My story is true.

Cry doesnt help it just makes it worse...
solve the problem instead.

Whats even funnier is that Ive spent four years of my
life, trying to make money from the internet. I started
when I was like 16.

I'm not rich now... Ive just learned 1 million things
of my failures... maybe you should analyze why you
fail or maybe this business isnt for you. Maybe
you can strike gold in another biz.

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runaway

maxjohan

Maybe you have seen Dr. Phil.....

He is very to the POINT, and I think every one that
have some kind of drug or depressive problem
needs to get fucking real... and realise things.

Things that are there for a reason...

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I went from 100 to 313,000 satoshis in 2 days! Lots of daily freerolls...

Joesho

The key is to be true to yourself, do not just act in some way to please others, or try to make them respect you cause you agree with them,)i.e. NO ASSKISSING) and you will find that you are much happier in the long and short runs this way

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maxjohan

wow, do I agree with you on that one... kissing ass was the only thing I could in high school. Was with my geek friend(only friend I had). And I feelt that I needed to be happy with her. If I left her, who the fuck had taking care of her.... I felt very bad in high school those years.. shy for people. Because my little world was only her and me... I just wanted to scream somtimes.. that's how boring it was some moments.

Shore, we had lots of fun... but I didnt gain as much as
I could if had lived it different.

Feelt so outside of the world... I cant imagine
going through that shit one more time.

- No one cares about you if you dont care about them.
- No one will come and save the situation for you.
- No one cares if you are the nicest guy in your class lol.
- No one cares if you are the funniest guy in your class.


In the end we all get chicks and dicks so... be
yourself and stop kissing ass, at least for a while.

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I went from 100 to 313,000 satoshis in 2 days! Lots of daily freerolls...

maxjohan

She asked those funny questions too, stupid questions like "whats advertising" lol.

She's fucking unreal.

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I went from 100 to 313,000 satoshis in 2 days! Lots of daily freerolls...

AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE

Wow.

I will have to catch up on this got early stuff to do.
At the top though I saw the reccomendation of drugs or prescriptions.

I can't bring myself to taking drugs.
But a huge thanks to ya all I really appreciate it.

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maxjohan

good luck :=)

You will be fine. There is always those that
are a bigger failure than yourself...like me.

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I went from 100 to 313,000 satoshis in 2 days! Lots of daily freerolls...

Ironhorse

Hmm..I was under the impression you were doing real well, at least according to some of your previous messages, you were talking about new design biz and how you owned everyone??

In any case I've been where you're at before and I'm still struggling with collecting overdue bills, paying my own bills, getting steady work etc but I have a rather optimistic look on things, I am seeing a counseller for anxiety and to work out through a 1.5 year separation from my wife. This helps alot, also I set a regular schedule and treat my design business as a business with daily routines and a very precise task manager, just like a job, I leave 'work' at 7pm and that's that, I may still fuck around on the boards past that time but I find keeping a solid routine really helps. I've been doing the crazy spinning sleep schedule for the past 4 years and I just put my mind to it and changed all that. Make short and longterm plans, write them down on paper and then do what it takes to make them happen.

Also in my case I had issues with pot and anxiety so I said goodbye to that almost a month ago, stopped drinking except once a week, pay more attention to eating right and work out 3 times a week, all this really helps remove the stress..it's true.

In any case, I know it's tough when you're in that dark place, but try to keep positive and find something in the future you can work towards and reach out for it. Good luck.

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Unplug.

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Tofu

When the pendulum swings in favor of one, it will soon swing in favor of its opposite. Times are trying, believe me. I had court fees to pay, over due bills, final notices, and a couple of warrants....then when I thought it couldnt get any worse, my friggin car broke down. But since then, Ive cleared those warrants, Im paying my student loan verrry slowly, Ive contested some of those bills and they were cleared, and just last night I got my car back. Baby steps man. Knock your problems out one by one and at a pace youre comfortable with. Keep your head above water, even when youre exhausted. It may not be your time to shine yet.

and most improtantly (if she's alive):
CALL YOUR MOTHER!


(from a bi polar negro)

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