THE GUMP-Y HORROR PICTURE SHOW

Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, what people talk about.

or........... forrest gump :glugglug

"GUMP-Y"??

LMFAO:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

LoL

Dude, they're going to sodomise you with corn on the cob!

:eek7

[Forrest is sitting on the park bench. A short, balding man is
sitting next to him...]

OTHER MAN: Well, you've surely told me every antecdote of
your life by this point, so I should really be going...

[The man starts to stand up. Forrest pulls him back down.]

FORREST: Wait! Ah fergot ta tell yew about mah most excitin'
adven-tyoore of awll. It was nahnteen-hunnert and sev'nty fowr.
Ah remember that real well, 'cause that was when that nice
President Nixon, who Ah got ta meet jes fer playin' ping pong in
China, had ta quit his job. He'd robbed some sorta ho-tel or
somethin'. Anyway, Ah was awll outta chawk-lits, which is mah
fave-o-rite food. Have yew ever had chawk-lits?

[The man has fallen asleep. Forrest shakes him.]

FORREST: Hey, Mister! Wake up

[The man snaps out of it and looks around.]

MAN: Who? What? I must have ... nodded off... Go on with
your story.

FORREST: Ah was jes askin yew if yew'd ever had chawk-lits.

MAN: Yes! Yes, I have. Now, go on with your story.

FORREST: Ennyway, Ah was awll outta chawk-lits, so I jes had
to run to the store fer some more. Ah ran from store to store to
store to store. An' yew know what? They was awll outta
chawk-lits. Ever' single one of 'em. So yew know whut Ah did?

MAN: (rubbing his eyes, yawning) No, what did you do?

[Scene shifts to flashback: Forrest is lost in the woods.]

FORREST'S VOICE: (over) Well, Ah jes kep' on runnin'.
'Cause Ah wasn't about to go back home without mah chawk-
lits. Ennyway, Ah ran, and Ah ran, and then suddenly Ah
realized somethin'. I didn't know where Ah was was no more!
Just as Ah was about to turn around, mah shoelace broke. Kin
yew believe that? An' on toppa that, it done started to rain.
Well, Ah was in a heap a trouble now, so Ah looked around for
the nearest house, and as luck would have it, Ah found one.

[We see Frank's castle. Forrest walks up to the front door.]

FORREST'S VOICE: It was the strangest house Ah had ever
seen. It lood lahk somethin' from wunna them scary pitcher
shows. Mah momma never let me go to those scary pitcher
shows, 'cause she said they would give me naht-mares. An'
yew know somethin'? She was right. That house has given me
nighmares ever' night since.

[Forrest's narration trails off. Scene continues as a flashback....]

FORREST (ringing the doorbell): Hello! Ennybuddy home?
Hello!

[Riff Raff slowly opens the door and peaks out, suspiciously.]

RIFF-RAFF: Hello.

FORREST: (extending his hand) Hello. I'm Forrest Gump.
People call me Forrest Gump.

[Forrest grabs Riff's hand and shakes it vigorously.]

RIFF-RAFF: You're wet.

FORREST: Well, sure Ah'm wet, mister. It's rainin' to beat the
band out here. Kin yew let me in the house, so's Ah kin call
mah momma?

RIFF-RAFF: This way.

[Riff turns and enters the house. Forrest follows. Forrest walks
into the entrance hall and gawks at what he sees. Riff shuts the
door behind him.]

FORREST: This shore is a purty house yew got here. Did yew
decorate this yerself?

[Riff does not answer.]

FORREST: Ennyway, as Ah was sayin' it shore is purty.
Diff'rent, too. The fella that owns this house mus' feel real
lucky.

[Suddenly, Magenta, a strangely dressed maid, appears from
the shadows.]

MAGENTA: I'm lucky, you're lucky, he's lucky. We're all lucky!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

FORREST: It shore is nice ta meet someone who's mental
attitude is as pos'tive as mahne is.

[Music begins. Riff and Magenta move around weirdly and
sing.]

RIFF-RAFF: It's astounding.

FORREST: It shore is. This is the fanciest house I ever seen!

RIFF-RAFF: Time is fleeting

FORREST: Oh, Ah ain't in no hurry. Take yer time.

RIFF-RAFF: Madness... takes it's toll

FORREST: Ah'm sorry. Ah don't want yew ta be mad at me.

RIFF-RAFF: But listen closely....

MAGNETA: Not for very much longer.

RIFF-RAFF: I've got to... keep control
I remember doing the Time Warp

FORREST: Ah remember doin' the Watusi, the Twist, the Jerk,
the Funky Chicken, the Mashed Potato, the Frug, the Walking
the Dog, the Pony...

RIFF-RAFF: Drinking... those moments when

FORREST: Yew shouldn't drink so much, y'know.

RIFF-RAFF: The blackness would hit me.
And the voice would be calling....

FORREST: That reminds me. Kin Ah call mah Momma now?

[Riff and Magenta lead Forrest through double doors leading to
brightly-decorated ballroom full of Transylvanians.]

ALL (except Forrest): Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp agian

[Scene shifts back to present; Forrest is now alone on the park
bench.]

FORREST: Them people was dahncin' lahk them thar folks on
that "Ah-merry-kin Bahndstahnd." Yew ever watch that show?
(looks around, sees that the other man has left) Hey, mister!
Whar'd yew go? 'Tain't polite t' walk off in the middle of
some'un else's story. Oh! Thar yew are!

[Camera pulls out to show man standing in the middle of the
street, waving his arms at the oncoming traffic. Drivers are
swerving to miss him.]

MAN: Please, somebody run me over! Put me out of my
misery! Save me from this nutcake with his endless stories!

FORREST: (getting up from bench) Don't worry, mister! Ah'll
save yew!

MAN: What are you doing, you big nut?!? Get away from me!

[Forrest runs out into the street, pounces on the man, and drags
him back to the park bench, all against the man's will.]

MAN: I'm telling you: I don't *want* to be saved! Leave me
alone!

FORREST: That wuz a close cawll. Yew coulda been killed.
Momma always said, "Don't yew play in traffic now." Say! That
remahnds me of another story...

MAN: Oh, God...


--{The End}--

Why do they look so freaky? Does Lowell reverse engineer people's souls?

fucking pricks indeed.

Eating eggs is like eating unborn fetuses--look, you dropped fetus on your lap!

:(

Where I live? Not in England! ... It's cause they give you a choice, where you live, and they showed a map of England.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Drug movies are so in right now. It's such a fad.

She's like that Justice Brandeis guy come back as a Turkish girl!

I'm the kind of guy who would pour acid on my hand to see how fast it burns.

Carolyn Burnham: Are you trying to look unattractive?
Jane: Yes.
Carolyn Burnham: Well, congratulations. You've succeded admirably.

[During sex.]
Stifler's Mom: Oh, Finchy. Finch.
Finch: Oh, Stifler's Mom, whoa!

Did you just say 'Robo Williams'?

Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

Good morning [spiderplants?]. Have we photosynthesised our breakfast today?

I just wanna remind everyone what you said.

Michelle: What's my name? SAY MY NAME, BITCH!
Jim: Michelle! Michelle.

I am the better Roma! Screw you!

I like purple grapes. Green ones are awesome too, but preferably without seeds, cause seeds suck.

thx :Graucho

You're up late aren't you dear?

Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers, rodents!
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.

Tiki, Tiki, bobiki, banana bana...

A classic:thumbsup

Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.

^^is a post whore^^

^^is a^^

We don't need no inspiration. We don't need no firewalls.

Harry Callahan: I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

If that bounces up and hits me I'm going to bounce up and hit you.

That is cool !! :)

"I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is."

^^is struggling to keep this thread alive^^