Single Father Question

[muchmoreporn]

The ex has a new boyfriend for the last year or so, and my daughter goes from me to her 50/50, the problem I have is this..
my ex has my daughter calling me danny daddy and the other guy xxxxxx daddy, deep inside it really gets to me and hurts but i dont think much of it, please tell me im not alone here!

[AdultKing]

I feel for you. This is not an uncommon thing, if it's being encouraged on the other side it is quite unfair on the child.

The best thing you can do is to make sure your daughter knows that you love her, that you'll always be her dad and to never forget that.

Tell your kids you love them every day of the year. Make sure your kids know that your love is unconditional no matter what happens.

If you child can go through his/her childhood knowing that you love them unconditionally then they will thank you as an adult

[jaYMan]

at least your ex has something to do with her child.

count your blessings and be good family.

[jennym]

A couple of questions before I answer:

How old is your daughter?

Does the mom's boyfriend have his own children that your daughter is around?

[muchmoreporn]

yeah she definatly knows i love her, hate this compatation thing thou, and the i want .xxxxx daddy shit, or i dont love you stuff.

i know she dont mean it, causes i did the same to my parents when i was younger..

she is 4 btw

[boardersweetie]

sweetie, you need to talk to mommy asap. it hurts you, but it's going to royally screw up your daughter. she's too young to understand the whole step-father issue. Parents are so important to a child's development. not having you as a strong father figure will screw up the way she interacts with guys in the future... and if this new bf leaves, then she'll develop daddy abandonment issues. you need to let the ex know that she's not just hurting you, but her daughter too.

[muchmoreporn]

Originally posted by jennym
A couple of questions before I answer:

How old is your daughter?

Does the mom's boyfriend have his own children that your daughter is around?

no other kids, they are expecting thou. and she is 4

[fuzebox]

When my father remarried, I would get grounded and stuff if I didn't call my stepmother "mom". They would play psychological games with my mother and refuse to let her see me...

I moved out years ago, and I still resent them (for a lot of reasons). Thing is, I was probably a little older than your daughter at the time, and I knew inside who my real parent was.

Sorry to hear about your problem. Growing in a divorced family sucks sometimes

[jennym]

If there are no children of his around, then the ex is playing games with your child. If other children were around calling him daddy, then a 4 year old would probably do that. If your relationship is good with your ex, or if it would not cause problems with your ex, then I would bring it up with her. But, if you think for one minute that your daughter will "catch it" if you bring this up with your ex...then by all means just suck it up. I know that is hard to do, but you don't want your daughter to catch any shit because of it.

Good luck.

[MakeMeGrrrrowl]

Originally posted by muchmoreporn
The ex has a new boyfriend for the last year or so, and my daughter goes from me to her 50/50, the problem I have is this..
my ex has my daughter calling me danny daddy and the other guy xxxxxx daddy, deep inside it really gets to me and hurts but i dont think much of it, please tell me im not alone here!

Not a single dad, but I am a single mother who has a boyfriend living with me. Even IF I marry my boyfriend, I will NEVER encourage my children to call him dad or anything of the sort. His name is Brian and they have a dad.

I think that you should discuss with your ex that it makes you uncomfortable (unless she is unreasonable) and perhaps she will rethink her parenting skills and make sure your daughter understands that SHE (your ex) acknowledges you as your childs only father.

It's pretty awful when parents start playing this game. She needs to grow up.

[MakeMeGrrrrowl]

Originally posted by muchmoreporn


no other kids, they are expecting thou. and she is 4

Maybe you should have a talk with the boyfriend, Man to Man. Let him know how it makes you feel, I would hope he understands, especially since he's expecting, and she's doing this to your daughter....what's going to stop her from doing the same thing to their child should they break up. He probably would not like it very much either.

[jennym]

Originally posted by MakeMeGrrrrowl


Not a single dad, but I am a single mother who has a boyfriend living with me. Even IF I marry my boyfriend, I will NEVER encourage my children to call him dad or anything of the sort. His name is Brian and they have a dad.

I think that you should discuss with your ex that it makes you uncomfortable (unless she is unreasonable) and perhaps she will rethink her parenting skills and make sure your daughter understands that SHE (your ex) acknowledges you as your childs only father.

It's pretty awful when parents start playing this game. She needs to grow up.

I am also a single mother living with a boyfriend. I would also NEVER let my child call another man daddy. It pisses me off when parents act like assholes.

[AdultKing]

Take what little personal comfort you can in the fact that this is a worldwide problem and you are not alone.

Unfortunately the alienation of men from their children in western society is becoming all too commonplace.

Guys in Australia, England, Europe, Canada, the US deal with this every day.

Alot of focus in relationship breakup seems to be on the mother and children.. too few people spare a thought for fathers who desperately miss their kids or have diminished relationships with them.

There isn't a simple answer... the only solution is for adults to act like adults and think of the kids first. Unfortunately , usually with custodial parents, using the kids as weapon in a form of punitive emotional attack is an all too common occurance.

[Sly_RJ]

Damn, that's rough. I'd be pretty pissed if I were in your situation.

What happens if this new guy bails? Will she suddenly have another daddy?

It never felt right calling my step-dad "dad", and I was never encouraged to. Frankly, I think that's the mother giving the father a real low blow.

[muchmoreporn]

mother and i get along very good, its just the daddy thing that bugs me, and in my eyes he is not the fucking father, when we broke up i took things very hard and only for my daughters sakes, seeing her for the first time brought tears to my eyes, and there isnt shit i wouldnt do for her, sure he wants to play the father role but he is not her fucking father, and its as simple as that..

I made a point once that when they have their new kid, will he/she come with me for 50% of the time? can this kid call me daddy danny? and how will she feel when i let jada call the girlfriend xxxxx mommy?

they dont understand the feelings that i feel and things will only change when its upon themselves.

besides men dont have feelings remember.....

[jennym]

The fact that you have your child 50/50 is an awesome thing.

As far as her saying she wants someone else, or she hates you...it only gets worse as they get older. If my daughter gets mad at me and says she wants her daddy...blah, blah, blah, I say "Good, that means I am doing my job". Of course when her daddy pisses her off she says she wants her mommy. So she probably does the same thing to your ex. That is just a kid thing.

Like I said, if you think your ex will be a bitch about it...don't give her the satisfaction. Be the better person, and your daughter will thank you for it later.

[Rochard]

I feel for you.....

My case was very different. My father died when I was nine months old, and my mother remarried by the time I was four or so. I was too young to know the difference. My step father became my father, but mostly because that was all I had. I was confused when I discovered that I was the only one in my family with a different last name.

[muchmoreporn]

Originally posted by jennym
The fact that you have your child 50/50 is an awesome thing.

As far as her saying she wants someone else, or she hates you...it only gets worse as they get older. If my daughter gets mad at me and says she wants her daddy...blah, blah, blah, I say "Good, that means I am doing my job". Of course when her daddy pisses her off she says she wants her mommy. So she probably does the same thing to your ex. That is just a kid thing.

Like I said, if you think your ex will be a bitch about it...don't give her the satisfaction. Be the better person, and your daughter will thank you for it later.

yeah i think its cute when she says all them harsh words, but when im alone at night I just double think them and wonder if im doing anything wrong, playing this parent role of rules and standing on special squares on my rug and going to bed untime makes me the bad guy, I could just spoil her to death and I would be loved but what would she learn from this?

[MakeMeGrrrrowl]

Originally posted by muchmoreporn
I made a point once that when they have their new kid, will he/she come with me for 50% of the time? can this kid call me daddy danny? and how will she feel when i let jada call the girlfriend xxxxx mommy?

they dont understand the feelings that i feel and things will only change when its upon themselves.

besides men dont have feelings remember.....

I think allowing or encouraging your daughter to call your girlfriend mommy in any sense of the word is a bad move on your part.

As much as I HATE my ex, I still would not encourage this type of thing. I have always told my children, they only have ONE father. Hopefully you can make a plea to your ex girlfriend, and ask her to please understand that it hurts your feelings. You're probably going to get a better response if you discuss your true feelings rather than anger and threats of you doing the same thing to her.

For your daughters sake, just let her do what feels natural, but make her aware that she only has one father and she does not have to call this other person daddy...I do think at four she may be old enough to understand, my daughter was. I think it depends on the intelligence and maturity of your child. You'd have to make that decision. Perhaps if you have a court order, you can call your attorney and have it modified that your daughter is not to be encouraged to call your ex's new man daddy.

[Sly_RJ]

Originally posted by muchmoreporn


yeah i think its cute when she says all them harsh words, but when im alone at night I just double think them and wonder if im doing anything wrong, playing this parent role of rules and standing on special squares on my rug and going to bed untime makes me the bad guy, I could just spoil her to death and I would be loved but what would she learn from this?

Nah, can't ever forget that you are her parent and you are responsible for her upbringing. Bed times, rules, consequences... all lead to good kids and she'll thank you for it when she's older.

[jennym]

Originally posted by muchmoreporn


yeah i think its cute when she says all them harsh words, but when im alone at night I just double think them and wonder if im doing anything wrong, playing this parent role of rules and standing on special squares on my rug and going to bed untime makes me the bad guy, I could just spoil her to death and I would be loved but what would she learn from this?

Like I said, if your kids "hate" (using it as the kids do, cuz they really don't hate ya') you sometimes, then you are doing your job. Mine "hates" me a few times a week at least. But, at almost 10, she still talks to me about EVERYTHING. She will say "I know you're gonna be mad, but.....". At that point, I know I have done the right thing.

[PersianKitty]

When I got married to my 2nd husband (now ex) my boys were 5 and 2. They called him by his first name. Their natural father came to visit 'when he felt like it' and would disappear for months and months at a time. I never encouraged my kids one way or the other. After two or three years they would call him dad some of the time and by his name some of the time. I also noticed that when referring to their natural father it would be dad some of the time and his name some of the time. I always..*always* referred to them both by their first names and left it to them whether they called one or the other dad.

[muchmoreporn]

I would never let my daughter call anyone mommy besides her mommy, its just not right in my eyes, she has even done so to other girls that come around but i would make it clear to her.

we dont have any kinda court thing, its all mutual, we are friends and agree on most things.

[BVF]

Nothing wrong with feeling like that. Those are YOUR kids. They came from YOUR nutsack.

My divorce was finalized in October and to have my kids calling some other man daddy is my worst nightmare. If a man ever feels like committing suicide is to get up in my face and try to claim my children as his. His life would end on the spot.

I feel for you.

[Sly_RJ]

Originally posted by BVF
Nothing wrong with feeling like that. Those are YOUR kids. They came from YOUR nutsack.

My divorce was finalized in October and to have my kids calling some other man daddy is my worst nightmare. If a man ever feels like committing suicide is to get up in my face and try to claim my children as his. His life would end on the spot.

I feel for you.

Ahaha I could totally see you kicking the living shit out of someone your kids called dad.

[SurfDog]

The main thing to keep in mind is

a) This is _your_ child & you love her to death
b) Never bad-mouth your ex
c) Your ex is only taking care of your daughter for you

My ex had my son and remarried etc. I always told him - 'Your mom is the greatest but it's you and me, my boy" He always knew I respected and liked his mother, (which I really did), but he also knew that he was my boy. When they get the feeling that both parents know how important and valuable they are they feel secure & loved.

[muchmoreporn]

Originally posted by BVF
Nothing wrong with feeling like that. Those are YOUR kids. They came from YOUR nutsack.

My divorce was finalized in October and to have my kids calling some other man daddy is my worst nightmare. If a man ever feels like committing suicide is to get up in my face and try to claim my children as his. His life would end on the spot.

I feel for you.

well in the beginning i took it very hard, didnt want to stick around or had enough anger to want to force harm upon him, thou i dont blame him for wanting to take my place and its just wrong, I make all attempts to get along with everyone and wish that the best will always come about, I never do give up. I think that im glad he isnt just another asshole that treats sarah and jada like crap. but really all i got to worry about is this, and probably just something jada will figure out for herself.

[Mutt]

your ex is either an idiot or a fucking *unt or both. she has NO right to present her bf or husband to your 4 year old as another 'Daddy' - YOU are that girl's one and only father - when she gets older she might grow close to that guy and might want to call him 'Daddy' too - that's her decision when she is old enough to understand.

u guys all live in trailers?