A tale of two monkeys - GoFuckYourself.com

CDSmith · 11-20-2003, 09:22 AM

Just received this from one of my joke guys this morning....

<img SRC="http://members.shaw.ca/billy1-99/pics/monkeyjoke.jpg">

CDSmith · 11-20-2003, 09:36 AM

k, fine, here's more.....

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight.

While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness as he suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.

The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money.

He paid for the new golf clubs I bought you. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our
house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"

The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold."

theharvman · 11-20-2003, 09:36 AM

OK I got a good laugh out of that!

CDSmith · 11-20-2003, 09:47 AM

Alabama Quarter Recall -

For you coin collectors out there.
This should make for a good opening story everywhere but in
Alabama. The U. S. Treasury has announced they are recalling
the new Alabama quarter. According to the Treasury officials
the quarter will not work in parking meters, toll booths or
vending machines. Apparently the duct tape holding the two
dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the machines...

SWEET BURN ON A COP

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a
little girl on a shiny new bike stopped beside him. "Nice
bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes," the little girl said, "he sure did."
The cop looked the bike over and handed the little girl a $20
ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell
Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you
got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell
Santa the dick goes underneath the horse not on top."

CDSmith · 11-20-2003, 10:12 AM

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to
the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented. "Hardly worth going
home, isn't it?"

rooster · 11-20-2003, 10:14 AM

heres one i made up.

What did the jewish kid get for christmas ?

A really good present with the money that their father overcharged my parents for a bike.

CDSmith · 11-20-2003, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by rooster
heres one i made up.

What did the jewish kid get for christmas ?

A really good present with the money that their father overcharged my parents for a bike.

My dad, being from Verdun, the poor part of Montreal, always refers to a cash register as a "Jewish Pianno".

11-20-2003, 09:22 AM	#1
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	A tale of two monkeys Just received this from one of my joke guys this morning.... <img SRC="http://members.shaw.ca/billy1-99/pics/monkeyjoke.jpg"> __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

11-20-2003, 09:36 AM	#2
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	k, fine, here's more..... A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness as he suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the new golf clubs I bought you. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold." __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

11-20-2003, 09:36 AM	#3
theharvman Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 1,366	OK I got a good laugh out of that! __________________ Email:[email protected] Site: http://TheScreamingO.com Program: http://http://www.idevaffiliate.com Skype: theharvman ICQ: 150092593

11-20-2003, 09:47 AM	#4
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Alabama Quarter Recall - For you coin collectors out there. This should make for a good opening story everywhere but in Alabama. The U. S. Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Alabama quarter. According to the Treasury officials the quarter will not work in parking meters, toll booths or vending machines. Apparently the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the machines... SWEET BURN ON A COP A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on a shiny new bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes," the little girl said, "he sure did." The cop looked the bike over and handed the little girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse not on top." __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

11-20-2003, 10:12 AM	#5
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. "Hardly worth going home, isn't it?" __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

11-20-2003, 10:14 AM	#6
rooster Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 2,384	heres one i made up. What did the jewish kid get for christmas ? A really good present with the money that their father overcharged my parents for a bike.