A little ditty, 'bout Jack & Dianne... - GoFuckYourself.com

CDSmith · 10-29-2003, 03:14 PM

Jack & Dianne were attending a dinner party so that Jack's mother could meet Dianne for the first time. Towards the end of the evening, Dianne approached Jack and asked if there was a problem, as Jack's mother seemed to be avoiding her after their first introduction.

"Honestly, my dear," Jack said, "Mother finds you to be, how should I put it, a bit on the crude side."

"Crude? Doesn't she know that I come from one of the most respected families in Boston? That I was educated in Switzerland? That I attended the finest finishing schools on the East Coast? That I obtained a master's degree at Vassar, graduating Magna Cum Laude?" Dianne asked.

"Yes, yes, my love, I told her all that," Jack replied.

"Then where in the fuck does that snooty c-unt come off with
that 'crude' bullshit?"

Sarah_Jayne · 10-29-2003, 03:17 PM

thanks, now I have to play the song

CDSmith · 10-29-2003, 03:23 PM

An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank.
There were two teenage boys in line behind him.

They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man
was. After five minutes of this the man turned to the
boys and asked them politely to stop, as he couldn't
help his weight problem.

With this the boys asked: Oh, and why are you so fat
Mister?

The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I
screwed your mother, she gave me a cookie."

hyatla · 10-29-2003, 03:25 PM

Crude jokes.

CDSmith · 10-29-2003, 03:26 PM

More from Jack & Dianne....

Jack and Diane were in a terrible accident and Diane's face was severely
burned.

The doctor told Jack that they couldn't graft any skin from her body
because she was too skinny. So Jack offered to donate some of his own
skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was
suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at Diane's new
beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her
friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day they were enjoying a quiet moment together when Diane was
overcome with emotion at Jack's sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want
to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay
you?"

"My darling," Jack replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I
see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

CDSmith · 10-29-2003, 03:32 PM

How can you tell I just got a fresh batch of jokes in?

A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a
steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when
he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, making love. He
blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them.
Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammed on
his brakes and stopped just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to
the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and
yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me
blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned,
looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were
coming. You were the only one with brakes."

10-29-2003, 03:14 PM	#1
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	A little ditty, 'bout Jack & Dianne... Jack & Dianne were attending a dinner party so that Jack's mother could meet Dianne for the first time. Towards the end of the evening, Dianne approached Jack and asked if there was a problem, as Jack's mother seemed to be avoiding her after their first introduction. "Honestly, my dear," Jack said, "Mother finds you to be, how should I put it, a bit on the crude side." "Crude? Doesn't she know that I come from one of the most respected families in Boston? That I was educated in Switzerland? That I attended the finest finishing schools on the East Coast? That I obtained a master's degree at Vassar, graduating Magna Cum Laude?" Dianne asked. "Yes, yes, my love, I told her all that," Jack replied. "Then where in the fuck does that snooty c-unt come off with that 'crude' bullshit?" __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

10-29-2003, 03:23 PM	#3
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two teenage boys in line behind him. They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After five minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them politely to stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem. With this the boys asked: Oh, and why are you so fat Mister? The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I screwed your mother, she gave me a cookie." __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

10-29-2003, 03:25 PM	#4
hyatla Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 1,720	Crude jokes. __________________ <a href="http://click.dtiserv2.com/Click/1125-99-us979" target="_blank">DTI cash: Top Asian Sponsor, $75 to new affiliates</a><br> <br> ICQ: 274731765

10-29-2003, 03:26 PM	#5
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	More from Jack & Dianne.... Jack and Diane were in a terrible accident and Diane's face was severely burned. The doctor told Jack that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So Jack offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at Diane's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day they were enjoying a quiet moment together when Diane was overcome with emotion at Jack's sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" "My darling," Jack replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

10-29-2003, 03:32 PM	#6
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	How can you tell I just got a fresh batch of jokes in? A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, making love. He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them. Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!" The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes." __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

10-29-2003, 03:17 PM	#2
Sarah_Jayne Now with more Jayne Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 40,077	thanks, now I have to play the song