Why I am now divorced - GoFuckYourself.com

brassmonkey · 08-22-2011, 07:26 AM

wanna get away? reminds me of that southwest commercial

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast, hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.'

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...they will remember!

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word...

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and, by the way, Happy Birthday!'

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me...'

I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'

'Ok.' I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake...followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked!

nico-t · 08-22-2011, 07:29 AM

every bitch is a ho

cherrylula · 08-22-2011, 07:30 AM

Well, at least she didn't have a german shepherd licking peanut butter off her snizz.

L-Pink · 08-22-2011, 07:31 AM

I had no idea you had a husband.

.

brassmonkey · 08-22-2011, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrylula

Well, at least she didn't have a german shepherd licking peanut butter off her snizz.

ewww a nasty 3 way id be scared the dog would bite off my hotdog

brassmonkey · 08-22-2011, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L-Pink

I had no idea you had a husband.

.

you got jokes

cherrylula · 08-22-2011, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brassmonkey

ewww a nasty 3 way id be scared the dog would bite off my hotdog

It's an old urban legend story that yours reminded me of. I don't remember the beginning, but they turn the lights on and fido is getting his jiffy on.

Choopa Phil · 08-22-2011, 07:36 AM

haha nice one! :D

brassmonkey · 08-22-2011, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrylula

fido is getting his jiffy on.

Double trouble · 08-22-2011, 07:41 AM

good one

Klen · 08-22-2011, 07:46 AM

Hmm i would swear i heard version with male as main character.

ilnjscb · 08-22-2011, 08:00 AM

HomerSimpson · 08-22-2011, 08:10 AM

CurrentlySober · 08-22-2011, 08:47 AM

1 up the bum... no harm done...

seeandsee · 08-22-2011, 08:50 AM

nice joke, i bet bitch got fucked by all guys that came out

Rochard · 08-22-2011, 09:29 AM

Your married to the wrong person.

I'm in now way shape or form pussy whipped, but my birthday is coming up this weekend and yet I went out and bought my wife a gift that will knock her socks off.

brassmonkey · 08-22-2011, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rochard

Your married to the wrong person.

I'm in now way shape or form pussy whipped, but my birthday is coming up this weekend and yet I went out and bought my wife a gift that will knock her socks off.

?

BAKO · 08-22-2011, 10:03 AM

omfg so funny lol

Chosen · 08-22-2011, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KlenTelaris

Hmm i would swear i heard version with male as main character.

So would I

nico-t · 08-22-2011, 10:28 AM

marriage is for suckers.

JamesGw · 08-22-2011, 10:46 AM

Gang bang?

brassmonkey · 08-22-2011, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamesGw

Gang bang?

i think the police would show up kids were in the room

Vendzilla · 08-22-2011, 10:57 AM

I've tried Marriage, not doing that again

TurboAngel · 08-22-2011, 11:11 AM

LMFAO!

Prestige Worldwide · 08-22-2011, 11:12 AM

AKA you're divorced because you are a small peen cuck boy?

ThunderBalls · 08-22-2011, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prestige Worldwide

AKA you're divorced because you are a small peen cuck boy?

Sid70 · 08-22-2011, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L-Pink

I had no idea you had a husband.

.

Jezuz, I thought he ( SHE!!! ) is a guy!

My Pimp · 08-22-2011, 01:11 PM

That is a funny joke ... May be it really happened to someone ...

thickcash_amo · 08-22-2011, 01:24 PM

So then what happened......?

Lykos · 08-22-2011, 01:28 PM

Hahaha good one

brassmonkey · 08-22-2011, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThunderBalls

V_RocKs · 08-22-2011, 04:04 PM

Nice one!

08-22-2011, 07:26 AM	#1
brassmonkey Pay It Forward Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Yo Mama House Posts: 77,246	Why I am now divorced wanna get away? reminds me of that southwest commercial Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast, hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.' I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...they will remember! My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word... So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and, by the way, Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me...' I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!' We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?' I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?' He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.' After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied. He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake...followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'. And I just sat there... On the couch... Naked! __________________ TRUMP 2025 KEKAW!!! - The Laken Riley Act Is Law! DACA ENDED - SUPPORT AZ HCR 2060 52R - email: brassballz-at-techie.com

08-22-2011, 07:36 AM	#8
Choopa Phil Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 3,965	haha nice one! :D __________________ AIM - Choopa Phil Email - [email protected] A World Wide Leader In Hosting! * CHOOPA.COM *

08-22-2011, 07:41 AM	#10
Double trouble So Fucking What? Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 22,251	good one __________________

08-22-2011, 08:10 AM	#13
HomerSimpson Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield Posts: 13,826	__________________ Make a bank with Chaturbate - the best selling webcam program Ads that can't be block with AdBlockers !!! /// Best paying popup program (Bitcoin payouts) !!! PHP, MySql, Smarty, CodeIgniter, Laravel, WordPress, NATS... fixing stuff, server migrations & optimizations... My ICQ: 27429884 \| Email:

08-22-2011, 08:47 AM	#14
CurrentlySober Too lazy to wipe my ass Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: A Public Bathroom Posts: 38,677	1 up the bum... no harm done... __________________ My AI Handywork... My Dream Gal... XXX 👁️ 👍️ 💩

08-22-2011, 07:29 AM	#2
nico-t emperor of my world Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: nethalands Posts: 29,903	every bitch is a ho

08-22-2011, 07:30 AM	#3
cherrylula lol Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 15,969	Well, at least she didn't have a german shepherd licking peanut butter off her snizz.

08-22-2011, 07:31 AM	#4
L-Pink working on my tan Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Florida/Kentucky Posts: 39,151	I had no idea you had a husband. .

08-22-2011, 07:46 AM	#11
Klen Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Little Vienna Posts: 32,235	Hmm i would swear i heard version with male as main character.

08-22-2011, 08:00 AM	#12
ilnjscb Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 8,873

08-22-2011, 08:50 AM	#15
seeandsee Check SIG! Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Europe (Skype: gojkoas) Posts: 50,945	nice joke, i bet bitch got fucked by all guys that came out __________________ BUY MY SIG - 50$/Year Contact here

08-22-2011, 09:29 AM	#16
Rochard Jägermeister Test Pilot Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: NORCAL Posts: 74,250	Your married to the wrong person. I'm in now way shape or form pussy whipped, but my birthday is coming up this weekend and yet I went out and bought my wife a gift that will knock her socks off. __________________ “The choice is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal and crazy.” - Sarah Huckabee Sanders YNOT MAIL \| THE BEST ADULT MAILING SOLUTION

08-22-2011, 10:03 AM	#18
BAKO Etology.com Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Hollywood CA Posts: 18,406	omfg so funny lol __________________ Telegram: @bakokaye

08-22-2011, 10:28 AM	#20
nico-t emperor of my world Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: nethalands Posts: 29,903	marriage is for suckers.

08-22-2011, 10:46 AM	#21
JamesGw Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 1,237	Gang bang? __________________ Giggles.com has a huge selection of sex toys. Need backlinks? Ask to guest post on our adult blog.

08-22-2011, 10:57 AM	#23
Vendzilla Biker Gnome Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: cell#324 Posts: 23,200	I've tried Marriage, not doing that again __________________ Webair died? Carbon is not the problem, it makes up 0.041% of our atmosphere , 95% of that is from Volcanos and decomposing plants and stuff. So people in the US are responsible for 13% of the carbon in the atmosphere which 95% is not from Humans, like cars and trucks and stuff and they want to spend trillions to fix it while Solar Panel plants are powered by coal plants think about that

08-22-2011, 11:11 AM	#24
TurboAngel H.B.I.C. Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: NC Posts: 30,122	LMFAO!

08-22-2011, 11:12 AM	#25
Prestige Worldwide So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 21	AKA you're divorced because you are a small peen cuck boy?

08-22-2011, 01:11 PM	#28
My Pimp Confirmed User Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,201	That is a funny joke ... May be it really happened to someone ...

08-22-2011, 01:24 PM	#29
thickcash_amo Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 3,847	So then what happened......? __________________ - Skype: jim_3rdshiftvideo Petite18.com, MeanMassage.com TeasePOV.com, SeeMomSuck.com TugPass Network - includes access to 9 Sites Elite Webmasters Earn 70% Revshare!

08-22-2011, 01:28 PM	#30
Lykos Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: World Posts: 31,027	Hahaha good one __________________

08-22-2011, 04:04 PM	#32
V_RocKs Damn Right I Kiss Ass! Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Cowtown, USA Posts: 32,421	Nice one!