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brassmonkey 08-22-2011 07:26 AM

Why I am now divorced
 
wanna get away? reminds me of that southwest commercial :helpme :1orglaugh

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast, hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.'

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...they will remember!

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word...

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and, by the way, Happy Birthday!'

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me...'

I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'

'Ok.' I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake...followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked!

nico-t 08-22-2011 07:29 AM

every bitch is a ho

cherrylula 08-22-2011 07:30 AM

Well, at least she didn't have a german shepherd licking peanut butter off her snizz. :1orglaugh

L-Pink 08-22-2011 07:31 AM

I had no idea you had a husband.

.

brassmonkey 08-22-2011 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrylula (Post 18371642)
Well, at least she didn't have a german shepherd licking peanut butter off her snizz. :1orglaugh

ewww a nasty 3 way id be scared the dog would bite off my hotdog :uhoh

brassmonkey 08-22-2011 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L-Pink (Post 18371645)
I had no idea you had a husband.

.

you got jokes

cherrylula 08-22-2011 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brassmonkey (Post 18371647)
ewww a nasty 3 way id be scared the dog would bite off my hotdog :uhoh

It's an old urban legend story that yours reminded me of. I don't remember the beginning, but they turn the lights on and fido is getting his jiffy on. :1orglaugh

Choopa Phil 08-22-2011 07:36 AM

haha nice one! :D

brassmonkey 08-22-2011 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrylula (Post 18371652)
fido is getting his jiffy on. :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Double trouble 08-22-2011 07:41 AM

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh good one

Klen 08-22-2011 07:46 AM

Hmm i would swear i heard version with male as main character.

ilnjscb 08-22-2011 08:00 AM

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6...87aa970b-600wi

HomerSimpson 08-22-2011 08:10 AM

http://blogs.westword.com/showandtel...tory%20bro.jpg

CurrentlySober 08-22-2011 08:47 AM

1 up the bum... no harm done...

seeandsee 08-22-2011 08:50 AM

nice joke, i bet bitch got fucked by all guys that came out

Rochard 08-22-2011 09:29 AM

Your married to the wrong person.

I'm in now way shape or form pussy whipped, but my birthday is coming up this weekend and yet I went out and bought my wife a gift that will knock her socks off.

brassmonkey 08-22-2011 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rochard (Post 18371895)
Your married to the wrong person.

I'm in now way shape or form pussy whipped, but my birthday is coming up this weekend and yet I went out and bought my wife a gift that will knock her socks off.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...8L._SS500_.jpg

:1orglaugh ?

BAKO 08-22-2011 10:03 AM

omfg so funny lol

Chosen 08-22-2011 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KlenTelaris (Post 18371682)
Hmm i would swear i heard version with male as main character.

So would I :2 cents:

nico-t 08-22-2011 10:28 AM

marriage is for suckers.

JamesGw 08-22-2011 10:46 AM

Gang bang?

brassmonkey 08-22-2011 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamesGw (Post 18372102)
Gang bang?

i think the police would show up kids were in the room

Vendzilla 08-22-2011 10:57 AM

I've tried Marriage, not doing that again

TurboAngel 08-22-2011 11:11 AM

LMFAO!


:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

Prestige Worldwide 08-22-2011 11:12 AM

AKA you're divorced because you are a small peen cuck boy?

ThunderBalls 08-22-2011 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prestige Worldwide (Post 18372192)
AKA you're divorced because you are a small peen cuck boy?

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll...5qfgo1_500.gif

Sid70 08-22-2011 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L-Pink (Post 18371645)
I had no idea you had a husband.

.

Jezuz, I thought he ( SHE!!! ) is a guy!

My Pimp 08-22-2011 01:11 PM

That is a funny joke ... May be it really happened to someone ...

thickcash_amo 08-22-2011 01:24 PM

So then what happened......?

Lykos 08-22-2011 01:28 PM

Hahaha good one:)

brassmonkey 08-22-2011 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThunderBalls (Post 18372288)

:1orglaugh

V_RocKs 08-22-2011 04:04 PM

Nice one!


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