Some Funny Marriage Jokes For The Guys - GoFuckYourself.com

GTS Mark · 01-31-2007, 10:56 PM

By all Means... MARRY!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

-DavidBissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

-Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

-Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

-Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

-Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

-MiltonBerle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

-Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Bods4Mods · 01-31-2007, 11:00 PM

Very funny DH

martinsc · 01-31-2007, 11:00 PM

hehehhe
good ones

WWC · 01-31-2007, 11:06 PM

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.
No nagging.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.
If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

SteveLightspeed · 01-31-2007, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrinkingHARDEST

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield

I'm stealin' that one!

tony286 · 01-31-2007, 11:10 PM

very funny stuff

RyuLion · 01-31-2007, 11:58 PM

lol! Sooooo true..

macker · 02-01-2007, 02:00 AM

I never found marriage jokes funny until I became married myself and now I find them ironically hilarious

Bake · 02-01-2007, 02:55 AM

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

I like that one

Being married once I cant get over the fact that my ex wifes new husband is such a chicken shit he hides when I go to thier place and wont even talk to me.
I want to buy the guy a beer and thank him for taking her and making sure she cant come back.

E$_manager · 02-01-2007, 07:32 AM

I like this one:

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

TG Rebecca · 02-01-2007, 07:53 AM

haha! these are great!

i liked the angel one.

MsWild · 02-02-2007, 06:11 AM

funny stuff...great one

aico · 02-02-2007, 06:12 AM

There is no bigger joke than getting married.

UncutBucksMike · 02-02-2007, 06:41 AM

Good ones!

Himuro · 02-02-2007, 07:22 AM

awesome, I'll use some on my married friends

gornyhuy · 02-02-2007, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by macker

I never found marriage jokes funny until I became married myself and now I find them ironically hilarious

Macker!!!

How you doin' man!?

Last I spoke with you, you were getting $10 massage+sex from beautiful nubile asian girls, tell me you didn't get married!?!?!?!

01-31-2007, 10:56 PM	#1
GTS Mark Vrume Mark Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 20,912	Some Funny Marriage Jokes For The Guys By all Means... MARRY! I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. -DavidBissonette When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. -Hemant Joshi By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." -Henny Youngman "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." -Sam Kinison "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. -Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -MiltonBerle Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. -Anonymous A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

01-31-2007, 11:00 PM	#2
Bods4Mods Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 904	Very funny DH __________________ [BODSFORTHEMODS][B4TM][BODS LIST]

01-31-2007, 11:00 PM	#3
martinsc Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: 127.0.0.1 Posts: 27,047	hehehhe good ones __________________ Make Money

01-31-2007, 11:06 PM	#4
WWC #1 Adult Content Provider Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Glendale, Ca Posts: 11,577	A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied. __________________ [email protected] ICQ : 494-353-230 Follow WWC on Twitter CLICK HERE! " CONTENT PROVIDER OF THE YEAR! " ~ 2007 , 2008 & 2009 XBIZ AWARDS WINNER! .......www.WorldWideContent.com / www.WorldWideFeeds.com...... WWC Nominated " Content Licensor of The Year " 2010 XBiz Awards !!!

01-31-2007, 11:58 PM	#7
RyuLion ClubDomCash.com Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: San Diego Posts: 32,220	lol! Sooooo true.. __________________ Adult Biz Consultant A tech head since 1995

01-31-2007, 11:10 PM	#6
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	very funny stuff

02-01-2007, 02:00 AM	#8
macker Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: www.FetishAssets.com Posts: 2,161	I never found marriage jokes funny until I became married myself and now I find them ironically hilarious

02-01-2007, 02:55 AM	#9
Bake Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Outback of bumfuck Aussie Posts: 5,099	"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray I like that one Being married once I cant get over the fact that my ex wifes new husband is such a chicken shit he hides when I go to thier place and wont even talk to me. I want to buy the guy a beer and thank him for taking her and making sure she cant come back. __________________ Buy great domains from drunken burned out old webmaster CHEAP bullseyeporn.com art-met.com and more. Learn how to make a easy extra $500 per week

02-01-2007, 07:32 AM	#10
E$_manager Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: pink adult dreams Posts: 13,557	I like this one: Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. __________________ Enjoy more sales with EnjoyBucks! Homemade: Asian : Ebony : GFs : Voyeur : Nudist : Public : 3D

02-01-2007, 07:53 AM	#11
TG Rebecca Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,450	haha! these are great! i liked the angel one. __________________ ICQ: 263-993 \| AIM: TG Rep Rebecca Email: [email protected]

02-02-2007, 06:11 AM	#12
MsWild Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 2,803	funny stuff...great one __________________ Always the biggest checks: [img]http://****************/sig/fhv3_j2_624x80_2.gif[/img]

02-02-2007, 06:12 AM	#13
aico Moo Moo Cow Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Washington State Posts: 14,748	There is no bigger joke than getting married.

02-02-2007, 06:41 AM	#14
UncutBucksMike Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: NOWHWERE NEAR Northern KY USA Posts: 405	Good ones! __________________ [email protected] ICQ: 328265145 Promote Naughty Wife Next Door Jen Madison

02-02-2007, 07:22 AM	#15
Himuro Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: GO HABS GO!!! Posts: 934	awesome, I'll use some on my married friends