Some Funny Marriage Jokes For The Guys
 

By all Means... MARRY!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

-DavidBissonette


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

-Hemant Joshi



By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud



I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous


"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

-Henny Youngman


"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

-Sam Kinison



"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran



"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray



Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash



The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous



You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

-Henny Youngman



My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

-Rodney Dangerfield



A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

-MiltonBerle



Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

-Anonymous



A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Anonymous


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Very funny DH:thumbsup

hehehhe
good ones :thumbsup

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.
No nagging.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.
If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

I'm stealin' that one!

very funny stuff

lol! Sooooo true..:1orglaugh

I never found marriage jokes funny until I became married myself and now I find them ironically hilarious :1orglaugh

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

I like that one

Being married once I cant get over the fact that my ex wifes new husband is such a chicken shit he hides when I go to thier place and wont even talk to me.
I want to buy the guy a beer and thank him for taking her and making sure she cant come back.

I like this one: :)

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

haha! these are great! :)

i liked the angel one. :)

funny stuff...great one :thumbsup

There is no bigger joke than getting married.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh Good ones!

awesome, I'll use some on my married friends

Macker!!!

How you doin' man!?

Last I spoke with you, you were getting $10 massage+sex from beautiful nubile asian girls, tell me you didn't get married!?!?!?!