| Cory W |
01-08-2009 10:37 PM |
How to properly cover a minor earthquake in Los Angeles.
First and foremost, its important that you put a big graphic up that reads EARTHQUAKE BREAKING NEWS COVERAGE. Surrounding this verbiage with broken bricks is usually spot on.
Next, you send out a chopper to fly over the area that felt the 3 seconds of shaking. This is ubber important that you have someone in the sky filming people carrying groceries to their cars while he talks about how their was just an earthquake.
After this, you request that people send in pictures of minor damage, which is basically picture frames laying on the floor.
Then, you ask the old guy at the Earthquake News Conference if this is a precursor to a larger event, at least 30 times. If you are good, you reword the question several times, but make sure you keep using the word "event" in place of "quake." You also need to ask him what kind of quake it is and if its an aftershock of the '94 quake, which is located roughly 57 miles northwest of the recent quake and 10 fault lines over.
Once you figure out that no one is dying in a collapsed toolshed, you start talking to building experts and they will tell you that all the buildings in LA can withstand a 4.5 quake. Act amazed.
Make sure that you keep that seismograph thingy going at all times, even in a pip screen in the corner.
Give out the red cross number, remind people to donate blood.
When all else fails, warn people that they should expect aftershocks. If any aftershocks are reported, try to make them out like they are new "events." Then repeat everything.
After all is done, make sure your segway to the weather girl is a question about her opinion on the quake, because, as we all know, she's a fucking earthquake expert.
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