A man's guide to asking for a raise
 

Of course, this does not apply to me given my new employment in Guam. What a gig! Unfortunately, about 5 of you will get that joke :Graucho

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp
environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


>****************************************


Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
you have raised,the administration rejects your request for the
following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such
as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you
have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly
entering and exiting the work place carrying two
suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management

You're One Sick Puppy

hahaha funny