The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)
 

I have to share these ?funniest analogies? with you. They came in an e-mail from my sister. She got them from a cousin, who got them from a friend, who got them from? so they are circulating around. My apologies if you have already seen them.

The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writers. What do you think?

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife?s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn?t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you?re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan?s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

:1orglaugh Nice.Thx for sharing.

my favs :)

lol - nice

that actually made me lol!

very funny. :)

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

^---I love it.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.


This one is very similar to a Douglas Adams quote, but I can't think of it right now and it's driving me crazy.

Ah, found it with a little bit of Googling...

"It hung in the air, in the same way that bricks don't" - Douglas Adams

thats classic... nice find

some of those are great

LOL good stuff

These are awesome!

"11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30."

They gave me a chuckle

Haha, I like it very much, thanks for sharing:)

Awesome list.. thanks for sharing mate

lmaoooo

nice i LOL'd

i love this thread like i love riding on corvette's sails. yay!
and thank you reckless abandon!

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

haha, i know that feeling, like WHat The Fuck?? it hits in the groin and leaves you standing feeling betrayed and hurt and suckered. like the only thing in the world that doesnt change is yourself though you still rely on things that are changing. jesus thats a great analogy. fucking genius.

this thread makes me giggle the way corvette chuckles like elmer fudd!

out hunting rabbits... wascally wabbits!


lol f.f.

Most of those are great.

Hahah, this one rulez :D

lol good ones

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

lol) liked this one the most )

My favorites.....

number 6 was taken from an essay about paris hilton.

:1orglaugh :thumbsup

those made me laugh
I love the hefty bag and vegetable soup one.

I found these very funny, like watching a Seinfeld rerun again for the first time.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

Brilliant.

they are so good.....

great stuff..for some reason I was always good at analogies and thought they were the easiest part of tests while other people hated doing them

lol

Got some funny quotes there, man. :thumbsup

I would have to agree.. good analysis too.

number 6 is pretty funny!

that one was my favorite .. but i like this one also

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

Some great stuff there. Thanks for sharing

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

I like, totally get it. lol :)

:1orglaugh

nice post buddy :thumbsup

some good ones there :1orglaugh

Unlike a lot of the crap on GFY these are actually bloody funny. :1orglaugh

Thanks for sharing mate. :thumbsup

I love this thread. :-)

great...now everyone in the office was looking at me odd cause I was laughing out loud.

some are funny..but i also worry about some of the writers..lol

lol!!! :1orglaugh

This thread is funny, as funny as watching kids with down syndrome play ice hockey without skates.

not bad at all,so funny :1orglaugh