My gym pet peeves.
 

Raven's thread got me thinking. So I updated my blog about the gym.


My request of 24 Hour Fitness
http://midgetarmy.com/

---When you hire personal trainers, please hire ones that are in shape. You would think this to be common sense, however it is obvious to me that it isn?t common sense to you. If you went into to Hooters and a dude walked over to take your order, how would you feel? Slighted? What about a girl with a pancake rack serving you wings?

I actually witnessed one of your slob trainers out in the parking lot smoking a cigarette in his car, windows up, car off, temperature damn near 85 degrees here in Irvine.

If this isn?t common sense, here is a good scale for you to go by. If I can kick your personal trainers ass, don?t hire them.



---Can you please take Sean Paul?s ?I got da right temperature for you to get iiit ooon?? out of the music rotation? Honestly, that song has been on repeat since 2002, time for a change. You are running a gym, not the MTV Beachhouse. Anything else would be better at this point.

I know; I should have an IPOD. Well fuck you, I don?t, it broke. I pay my dues, please apply some of them to something else, even Nelly would be fine. If I hear that stupid song one more time while I am trying to flex my biceps in the mirror I may well beat up one of your personal trainers for sport.


---Please send out a memo to all the out of shape people in your gym that reads:

The reason you are out of shape is because when you go to the gym, you spend most of your time waiting behind Cory for him to leave his machine.

Seriously? These people need to understand, if a machine is taken, go grab a fucking dumb bell and do something else until that machine opens up. I assure you, the machine I am working out on isn?t the difference between where you are now and where deal a meal says you should be.

Burn calories. Don?t just stand there. And for god?s sake, don?t talk to me.

"Bro, how many more reps you got?"

"I am going to sit here until my body disintigrates into ash. Take your notepad down to the "stripper dance class."

---Please tell your personal trainers to stop racking and unracking the weights for people. They need to burn calories, yet you carry the big balls across the room for them and then you pull down 10-pound weights and clamp them to the bars?

Well lets not be bothered to actually do anything strenuous while at the gym! Hey, build them a fucking greek chariot while you are at it and loft them down the steps on your shoulders!


---Your locker rooms are starting to look like a Turkish bath. I realize people need to change and shower and this requires nudity, however, just laying around the locker room nude and blow-drying your pubic nest with the HAND dryers is totally beyond the point of the locker room. Somewhere, the concept of the locker room got lost in translation.


---There are several people that are simply in the way and I am encouraging you to revoke their memberships.

1) The weight droppers: These are the guys that load up a bar with a ton of weights and then pretend they are worthy of lifting it. Instead, they pick it up a quarter of the way (as far as they can) and just drop it obnoxiously while grunting hoping that the milfs will all turn around and go ?wooo, isn?t he strong, I should give him my number next time I see him in the steam room.?

2) The stag guys: Tell these guys to stop showing up at the gym and leaning on machines hoping to meet milfs. I have no issue with someone using the gym to get tail, but at least use the machines. This isn?t a MySpace luncheon.

3) The ponytail guys: I don?t need to go into detail here, this one is obvious. Revoke.

4) The dumb bell dummies: These idiots are the ones that grab dumb bells and lift them above the dumb bell rack from which they grabbed the dumb bells. Are you fucking kidding me? Because of this, we all have to form a line behind them while they ?pump iron? as close to the mirror as possible, waiting to get our own dumb bells that they are hovering over. Look, they need to step back like the rest of us and curl from an acceptable and polite distance from the mirror.



That should do it. The way I see it, you are just a few flaws away from making Magic and Cindy happy campers.

Until next time,

ha! I love the types of gym people, lol.
WG

HAHAHAH, a funny read. Definitely cover some of the pet peeves I have at the gym.

you forgot the grunters, the people who grunt way to loud just so people will turn their heads and be impressed with the amount of iron they lifted

and the people who try to talk to my trainer while he is training me.. i pay for his time..

hahahahahahahaha. fucin awesome!

thank god my gym is jsut a bunch of meat head roid boys. no one looks at each other, we all just make faces when we look arund between reps

LOL

too funny :)

Or how about the "Over weight housewife who brought a friend".

You know the one, they work with the exercise balls for 20 minutes showing their friend the "proper" way to do a really great work out. Hey, here's a thought: If they knew how to do a proper workout they probably wouldn't look like an eat creature.

The same people can be seen later burning 300 calories on a stepper machine until they're drenched with sweat and over heating, when it's off to the juice bar for 500 calories of gatorade.

Good read. I like your writing skills. I agree with you on the personal trainer thing.

My gym pet peeve... my ghetto gym has had the power out for the past two days... I've been a member since December and since then the power has been shut off twice and the water once (that I know of.)

Sure I signed up because it was relatively cheap ($30/month) and empty most of the time but come on! This guy has the money, just "forgets" to pay his bills, so I've heard.

The other day there were these three hugely overweight women standing around the machines I wanted to use chatting for over 30 mins... they left without even breaking a sweat and I never saw but one of them actually use a machine, and what she did definitely did not make a difference.

The funniest type of "gym person" is the "home gym person".

One machine to isolate one muscle group can cost the gym upwards of $10,000 without any weight. You really think your $500 bowflex is giving you the same type of work out?

I miss you Cory and you are a beautiful man...



Mr. Romance

Airek, do you work out at that little shitty gym down...maybe it is Golds near Burbank????

If so, I used to got there. Nothing but meatheads half run down, but honestly, it was the best gym I ever have been to!

My gym never has lines. When it gets busy the only bummer is when all the good tredmills are taken and I end up on the one where the read out is only in Italian for some reason.

Adding to your list: (which is friggen great by the way) The Sweater... if you leave any part of yourself on the bench you just used, wipe it the hell up. Your mom isn't here following you around with a little handy wipe.

That must be every golds? Our golds gyms changed names but it's still the same atmosphere. I still have a lifetime membership there but I rarely go.

no i work out at the little shitty world gym that is exactly the same. its the best because they have exactly waht i need and nothing else, i kinda like it that theres no women to distract me from what i'm supposed to be doing. ther are no showers, thats what my house is for. and sometimes the attendants arent even there. i swear its one of the oldest world gyms. maybe 5-6 people at a time there.

i do agree with every one of the peeves i used to go to 24 hour on grand avenue in glendale. talk about a my space convention.

Also: the Too Little Clothing Guy: Often seen wearing running shorts and a home made spaghetti strap tank top from his high school band team years. You will often find this guy doing bench press or decline press allowing him the most views at his junk possible.

I hate when people sweat all over the equipment and dont wipe it off

That is very funny, but so true.

This one is classic. I moved a while back and I go to check out a gym a couple of people told me about. So the gym itself is pretty cool. They actually have a lot of kids at this gym so they have two locker rooms for guys and two for girls. One is an all ages locker room and one is adults only. The adults only one has a TV room with some chairs and couches and a big screen TV. There is a hot tub and a steam room and a sauna. They tell me, as we are walking through, that they are trying to make it like a country club in here. So we walk by the hot tub and I see three dudes sitting naked in it. Then we pass the TV room and there are about 8 guys sitting around nude watching CNN. WTF? I want to join a gym not a sausage bar. I actually started laughing. Needless to say I didn't join.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I don't get that either. Some guys are living in the stone ages in concern with what turns women on.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

i saw an old man totally naked in the change room standing on a chair bend over drying his ass with one of the hand dryers.

I seriously do not get this.

It is called a Hand Dryer.

Where lies the confusion?

I always hated the huge guys that stood around one area for an hour doing reps as they pleased. if its just muscle maintenance, get some dumbbells at home, they know they are going to intimidate smaller people and they treat the gym like their second chance to be cool in highschool.

thats what i was thinking, i cancelled my membership right after that happened.

lol funny

yeah those guys who lift weights for like 2 inches go WOOOOOOOOOOOOO then put them back and look like they moved the world

too funny

I don't think it's the women those guys are going for.

Second the motion, informative and entertaining :thumbsup :1orglaugh :thumbsup

Your locker rooms are starting to look like a Turkish bath. I realize people need to change and shower and this requires nudity, however, just laying around the locker room nude and blow-drying your pubic nest with the HAND dryers is totally beyond the point of the locker room. Somewhere, the concept of the locker room got lost in translation.


Lol!!! I hear ya man.

There were lots of weird characters at Gold's in Oakland, CA:

-The anorexic girl who had "already comsumed all my oils for the day" by 11am. Then called the front desk with her cell phone to tell them the music is too loud. Even if 5 people in the gym, she'd HAVE to butt in to share equipment so she wouldn't break her routine.

-The fat old geezer who NEVER worked out. He'd sit on the stationary bike and read the paper then hit the locker room. He'd never shower, never change clothes, but he'd grunt and groan locking and unlocking his locker like he was having a heart attack.

-The Church lady who sing gospel music with her headphones and eyes closed.

-The ex-college football star and his entourage who is still think he's going to get into the pros 10 years later.

-The 70 year Chinese lady who works out with a ratty, dirty, frayed car SEAT BELT tied around her waist.

-The pimp daddy with the designer jogging suit with matching shirt, shoes, gym bag, sunglasses, hat, and cell phone case.

sounds familiar.

You forgot the "I pay my personal trainer to be my friend, not to push me to get fit" person. These are the ones that take twenty minutes to do three sets of eight reps on a machine because they spend five minute breaks between sets sitting on the machine telling their trainer about what club they went to last night or how their wife/husband doesn't understand them or what kooky workout/diet routine they plan to start next week et fucking cetera :)

wow so much hate, find a new fuckin gym

People actually dry their pubes with hand dryers? :helpme

I thought chewing with one's mouth open was bad, but if I saw that..... I dunno..... :1orglaugh Guess it couldn't be worse than the glory hole I spotted at a public restroom off the FL Turnpike when the womans room was busted and nobody else was in the Mens room so my Ex watched the door for me so I could go in with my roll of paper towel and Lysol. First and last time I saw one of those. ~ Don't know why, but this story reminded me ~

Lets just say this isn't an uncommon practice.

I hope you weren't aroused

Thanks for the visual spunky. :helpme

:1orglaugh This locker room talk is almost entertaining in a sick way. I never would have imagined people doing that.

Oh shit. Glory holes are real? LOL

Uh, yeah and you could tell they were used by the sticky matter dripping down from the hole. Why do you think I went in armed with paper towel and Lysol spray?

I would have just pissed outside but there was actually a sign on the building warning against urinating in public. :helpme

haha That is freakin' hilarious Cory. I love my condo gym, has everything I need and no one is ever there. It is like having my own personal gym that I don't even have to do maintenance on. :)

Cory that is hilarious! I would like to add a character to your list if I could.

Perhaps they are not a new character altogether but a sub-culture of your washroom nudists.

These are the erotic exhibitionists. It really happens.

My friend Katie and I were in a steam after working out all day. I guess we were being a bit chatty. There was another woman in there with us. When we started talking she started to sigh... I thought it was like an exasperated sigh because we were talking too much.

The thought of her being mad about us chatting made me & Kate giggle. This made the lady sigh more.

Before I could tell what she was trying to communicate to us the steam machine clouded up the room again & I couldn't see anything past my nose.

Then i heard a noise which could have been a wet sounding rubber duck... but less squeaky.

Nope that wasn't it... it sounded like it was a plunger sunctioning in and out, & in and out of something moist?

All of a sudden the steam started to dissipate and I was able to reconcile the noise I was hearing with a visual.

The lady, who I thought we disturbed, had in fact been turned on by it!

When I got a clear view she was hammering her fingers so far into her pussy her eyes were shut and she had no idea Katie and I were staring at her. Or maybe she did... So we ran out of the steam room naked, with our towels stuffed in our mouths to prevent us from cracking up (that in itself was weird).

When we got out of the steam room we took showers before we headed out to a party. When I opened my shower curtain to get out I found that same lady was standing there in the shower stall across from me; Fully naked, with the curtain wide open! She was taking her shower, her body turned to face me, lathering her body slowly with soap and staring at me.

I stopped at the front desk to comment on what had happened and to express my concern that the steam room be fully disinfected.

To my shock and horror the girl tells me that this happens all the time. That I had only just missed someone being sent to clean up jizz from the tanning booths.

I am sure this experience did however make my transition from mainstream to adult a lot easier LOL But definitly add the Masturbating Marauders to your list!

interesting...

sounds hot in theory, but i can't imagine any hot chicks doing that...

pics? :)

You missed a couple :winkwink:

The Donkeys
These guys attend the gym with a *big* mate - ie someone who obviously has been lifting weights for years.

They (the donkeys) seem to think that by standing close to their mate they'll be able to magically lift the same weights. :1orglaugh :1orglaugh Watching their heads nearly explode is a crack up.

^^ These jerk offs need to realise that their job is to load the weights on the machine for their mates....

so funny but all true.

Sissys who wine dont belong at a gym.
I hate people who complain. Go, bang, shut up, go home, repeat.

I hate the staredowns I get from the other large men in the gym. Like I'm infringing on their Alpha Male status due to my above normal size for an asian, or any other race for that matter.

AIR3K: I used to work out at the World's Gym up here in the great Pacific Northwest. You must have lucked out; because we rejoiced when they closed here.

Cory: That is hilarious and so so true. The line about the iPod cracked me up. I once asked why they played such crappy music..and the answer I got was they had to play music that offended no one. WTF? It offends me and I'm the one on this horridly boring Elliptical.

Actually, reading this thread makes me smile. A lot.

From those who drop weights to the ones who preen in front of the mirrors and whoever picks the music should be shot.

There are others who are trying to impress either the milfs or themselves because they're going to hurt their backs lifting the way they do. It hurts to watch them, knowing that injury is right around the corner. Learn form or don't lift. If you can't afford a trainer, watch them when they train. And, speaking of which, don't hire one that doesn't train. Even my trainer still does cardio. If I have to do it, so does he. Don't preach it if you don't do it.

I got lucky. When I started, I was fat and miserable, argumentative and probably untrainable. My torture man is very in shape....we established early on that I was a control freak...and he was being paid to take power away from me. So, as I said, I got lucky. I did the work, but his foot's been up my ass the entire time. AND. He knows nutrition.

Cory, he does get the weights for me. I don't know why. I'll have to ask him.

Our locker rooms are starting to look like harem rooms, with ladies lounging around naked. Ya know, I see enough nekkid women. I sure as fuck don't need to see them when they're out of shape with boobs hanging to belly buttons. Wear a towel. Better yet. Go home. I understand we break a sweat; well, some of us do. But there are showers at home. And, if you must shower at the gym, ladies, don't make me look at your stretch marks and your loose skin; or worse, your 350 lb. body.

My biggest pet peeve are those who DO hire personal trainers, who, by the way, are NOT cheap...and then complain about not losing weight. I just want to choke them. 1500 calories per day does NOT include a half of a pizza or a gallon of ice cream or seven drinks before dinner.

I don't care how you cut it up, eating healthy really is boring, especially when giving up processed foods, including salt and sugar.

Please do NOT tell me that artificial sweeteners are da bomb; and, I know for a fact that tofu ice cream does not taste like the real deal.

Buck the fuck up and diet, people. Complain all you want. Just do it. And, while you're at it, do some research. There is a plethora of information out there talking about nutrition and nutritious foods and the whys and whats and hows. Diet food doesn't have to be horrid; but, it sure as fuck isn't going to be creme brulee.

american perv:
I do admit I am a groaner by the way. Lactic acid buildup hurts like a bitch. I believe it's my G'd given right to scream.

You are so right about people talking to my trainer on my time. I would never do that to him when he's training someone. Don't do it on my time. I could get hurt. And, while we're on the subject, trainers should not talk to anyone during my time, either. Cameraderie between trainers can damned well wait until my hour is up.

WarChild: There are times when I delay my cardio, pretending to stretch when I really don't need to, just to watch what you're talking about. The over weight housewife who brings a friend and then shows them a work out. Ha Ha....that's a riot. My fave are the ones who buddy up on treadmills, side by side, talking about how hard they're working out, calling out how many calories they burned, when they're walking leisurely, gossiping, turning pages of a magazine, no incline, no sweat, just girlie day out at the gym. Go to lunch, ladies and order your cobb salad...I can't watch you anymore.
And, I've never seen them sweat.

The problem with Bowflex is not the machine. I've seen them and I've done workouts on them when I was out of town. They ARE pretty sturdy and you can get a decent work out from them. It's the owner of the Bowflex who is the problem, WarChild. They don't push themselves beyond beyond...they do a pussy work out....

Sean...you crack me up. Sweaters should be be forced to have their sweat glands surgically removed. And, how about the bodybuilders who are wearing thongs? Such a sight!

OzMan: If I tried that crap on my trainer, I do laps. As he says, if you want to talk, girl, wait until your hour is up. Until then, your ass is mine. For that, I blame the trainer. When they allow the client to be in control, the war is lost.

By the way, Cory, I sent you a long ass email....about what you asked in the 'why are americans so fat' thread.

I was never a blind follower, so my trainer has his hands full, explaining the whys of nutrition planning. I don't really call it dieting anymore, as it is such a lifestyle change and permanent. BUT. Just because he says it is so, doesn't mean I'm not going to look it up. The medical background from whence I came doesn't help a whole lot, as we were not exposed to bunches of nutrition, leaving it to registered dieticians and nurses to handle. So, I have a lot of learning to do...and, man, have I learned a lot about food and its relationship with our bodies as fuel....

wtf hahaha thats fucking gross if you ask me.... it sounds like a closet gay club