Noobs: How to succeed on GFY (and thus in the Adult industry). 10 easy rules.
 

1: Most important rule: Pucker up. Kiss as MUCH ass as you can. Be sure and post a ":1orglaugh" or "lol" in EVERY thread started by someone who either has a post count of 5k or higher, or joined before 2003. Although you're certain that "Super Uber Pimp Daddy Pants" is actually a 19 year old surfer named "Ethan" you must treat him as though he is Hugh Hefner. It's all about sucking on that post count titty. Be sure and act like every word that comes out of his mouth is pure genius, even though he is drunk and discussing the merits of the new "Rancid" cd.


2: This relates intimately to rule #1. Under NO circumstances should you EVER disagree with, or god forbid "call out" someone who meets the post count or join date criteria I just gave you; or who has the name of a "program" in front of their nick. Example: BukkakeBucksDave, or BloodyRectumCashBob. Remember: These people are by nature, cooler than you, try to ignore that fact that the AVERAGE affiliate manager is just a failed webmaster who kissed the right ass at a show once.


3: Never be the FIRST to tell a model that she looks like a low rent crack whore or tranny. Let one of the "top posters" initiate that. Once he or she does, by all means, jump on that bandwagon both feet first. The "Top poster" will love you for it, since most of them require constant stroking of their fragile egos. In fact, ANY "bandwagon" made available to you should be taken advantage of. See rule #1.


4: You MUST attend at least one show a year. Mortage your home if you have to, sell your children, whatever it takes. You simply are NOT "cool" until you've spent 10 grand on an open bar to get 47 idiots drunk. This also presents the opportunity to get those ALL IMPORTANT "event pics". Again, you aren't cool OR successful until you've made an appearance on FUBAR. Plus, this gives you a real life chance to follow rule #1. Make sure to remember some names. Dropping them in a thread will make you look fucking AWESOME. Example: "Hey Marvin, remember when I puked on you in that elevator at the Venetian?" etc.


5: Once a week, start each of these threads:

"Would you hit it? (pic)"
"Klik Whores suck!"
"Right now I am listening to:"
"George Bush is evil."
"Spam me with single girl sites."
"Good morning GFY."
"Epassporte fucked me again!!!11111"

Etc, etc. You get the point. Thread topics like these will allow you to post, while not offending the Elite with your temerity in starting a "business thread".


6: If you purchase a new tv or car IMMEDIATELY start a thread with a picture of it. If you can't afford a new tv or car, rent one for a day.


7: Everytime theres a new skin, start a thread with your opinion of it. I think theres a contest going on or something.


8: For obvious reasons; wether your a sig whore or not, try to get a post in on the first page of the following sorts of threads:

Every thread started by Lensman.
Any drama involving a major program.
Fansign request threads started by anyone whos ever been in Penthouse.
Threads started by Juicy or Ramos when they're hopped up.
Any thread started by Tassy.
Any thread started by Pimpdog with the word "Lensman" in the title.
Any thread started by Jimthefiend with the words "Arika" or "Mob Bucks" in the title.

These are some suggestions, I'm sure you can think of others.


9: Sell your sig as soon as you can. You aren't anywhere NEAR cool unless you have one, and you might as well make a few bucks.

10: Go back, read rule #1. Print it out. Stick it on your 'frig. It is the gospel you must live by if you are to succeed.





Thank you, I hope I've helped.

6a: If you purchase anything, IMMEDIATELY start a thread with a picture of it.

hahahhahahaaa awesome :thumbsup :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Jim, .01% of your threads are business related. Pot, this is the kettle, you're black.

Stfu jackass, when I want your opinion I'll give you one.

Sorry, I don't feed the trolls. Have a great night Jim :frenchman

OK, I think I have got the hang of this. Would it be OK for me to jump on this bashing bandwagon cuz someone else has already bashed someone? If so consider yourself bashed. I wish I could be more to the point, but I forgot who we're bashing already.

You forgot about starting a thread with "Noobs: How to succeed on GFY (and thus in the Adult industry). 10 easy rules. "

Wow I ruffled feathers. Good on me.

Off to do some boarding now. Fresh powder and all that. Carry on. :thumbsup

This thread seems familiar somehow :winkwink:

http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=311237

As you can clearly see via the PPC (post count coolness) Theorem, Jim is 376.5% ((9,383/2,492)*100) cooler than dissipate therefore I hope you bashed the correct person.

HA HA didnt see that. Well facts are facts. :1orglaugh


Great minds think alike. :thumbsup :thumbsup

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh





Ok I'm off to break a limb now.

hahaha thats awesome

:glugglug

Everyone, come suck on my postcount titty.


ooooo.....AAAAAAAH......OOOOOooooH

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I dont want any ass kissed, wouldnt mind a blowjob though :upsidedow

mmmmh postcount titty :jerkoff

lolololol

I'd better do some ass kissing.....

Jim, Polish, Manowar, Shemp, Stuart and all you 5,000+ers, you guys rock, I totally agree with you!

How am I doing?

you forgot about platinumfeedspaul, see rule no 2

So sub 5,000 but program before name still equals ass kiss?

I need to polish up on my board manners.

Sorry platinumfeedspaul, no disrespect intended. You also rock, and I agree!

looks like someone needs a hug.

who the fuck cares about post count? Nobody except people with high post counts, and those are usually nobodies anyway.

Juicy et al are GFY fabulous because they're funny, there are people with higher post counts who nobody pays any attention to. There are a lot of GFY posters who post outrageous or offensive shit in a desperate bid to get attention, and they get it. The problem with that is that people like me remember who these people are and go out of our way to NEVER do anything to help them succeed, in fact we'll fuck them over if we get the opportunity. It doesn't really pay to be a professional asshole.

Sexsitesurfer, get back to work, will you?:p

you forgot to tell them to post the GFY official mascot

THE EMU

http://www.airek.com/gfy/birdy.gif

Sorry Gandalf, I have to respect you as you have DDF before your name!

Consider me gone!

funny shit man

So making it on GFY = making it in the Adult webmaster world?

highly doubt it.

i'D HIT IT.

Oh wait... wrong thread.

Hahaha thats funny, I cant believe you wrote all that though

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Was thinkin' the exact same thing.

lol great post to start the morning haha

:kisskiss hehehe.... :1orglaugh

That basically sums it up.

I love you jimthefiend. May I blow you now?:winkwink: :love2suck :love2suck

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh Good stuff!

You missed #1...

you crack me up dude, bookmarked!

:smokin

LMAO :1orglaugh

Sig for sale. LOL

Great post...missed the first like this one so this one does the trick.
:thumbsup

I'm sorry...that shit is absolutely hilarious. I can't stop frigging laughing because it's ALL SO TRUE!!!!

Jim, this is one of the best threads ever.

lmfao.............

scribbling this gold down

Just following the rules and trying to get on the first page....

nice one!

thats fuckin great!