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Asked My Girl to Mary me Tonight - LONG POST!
Well, we have had our ups and downs.... ALOT of them, she met me when I was very well to do and has stuck with me through some serious financial down falls. She has also helped me alot getting through some things in my past and dealt with mental abuse that she never deserved.
Years have gone by and alot of healing has occured, I am becoming very close to my 2 year old daughter now and since I am also naturally spending time with her when I spend time with my daughter I have started to feel that feeling of 'Family' and started really falling for the girl again. I have felt like this for a couple months, and she said she has too ... She got back from going out of town for a bit for business today and I had 100 of those little 'tea cup candles' lit up throughout the room.... all around the coffe table with a single rose and baby breath in a very nice vase all setup... Candles in a circle formation around that, it was truly a breathtaking site and god damn romantic if you ask me! Anyways she walks down stairs, I tell her I have a suprise... She immediately says "Awwwwwwwwwwww you didn't have to do that, that's so sweet! And seemed very happy" A Quick note on both our stances on marriage - We have both told eachother for years we don't need tog et married and it's jsut a piece of paper. Well, lately I have been feeling like it's more and mentioned here and there marriage doesn't scare me any more she wouldn't reply anything. Me being the stupid ass I was - I took that as she felt the same way but didn't want to pressure me into getting married - Anyways... I ask her to Marry me - she is shocked, and I understand that. NOONE who knows me personally would have EVER epected me to ask anyone to marry me - seriously... it isn't the normal me. She fumbled for words and went over the "It's just a piece of paper" - I told her repeatedly, just consider it a promise ring then.. and we don't have t get married right away, we cna wait a year or longer.. I am FAR from being in a rush myself, LOL She eventually said "YES, of course!" We sat their and cuddled, and talked for a bit... We had about an hour and a half till we had to go pick up our daughter... No Sex!!!!!! WTF? OK, So we will later, right ? We get back and spend a family night together and enjoy ourselves.. She spens time with me, I give her an incredible back massge (which most women 'she even USED to be this way') melt in your hands if you give them the right kind of back massage.... Our daughter is in bed at this time so hey the sex door is open again... No Go ... Simply a Kiss Good Night After she said Yes, she did not talk abotu the proposal at all again period.. except to say she didn't really liek the ring - as if the night wasn't already bad enough.. Nothing, no thanks that was so damn romantic when she went to sleep... NADA. She didn't call her friends and family... NOTHING. What in the fuck ? I did this because i thought things were starting t go so well between us ... and truth be told this is exactly the sort of thing that has fucked up our relationship in the past many o times... Should I just be straight up with her - tell her how I feel.. Which is she is doing it cause she felt she had to .. even though I told her when I proposed and she was in shell shock not to say yes because she felt she had to... Fuck, I dunno ... But I picked up the god dman bottle for the first time in 2 months after hitting 3 AA meetings in less than 24 hours after this shit ... WOMEN FUCKING SUCK :mad: |
damn dude, sorry to hear that... looks like you spent a lot of time and effort.. talk to her about it tomorrow and be straight up with her about it, let her know its okay to be honest and to tell you how she really feels so she doesn't waste your time
also, if you used to have a drinking problem, don't pick up that bottle... especially during times of high stress - like this. good luck with everything |
she might be shocked and consider it abnormal behavior for you and not take it serious.. sorta like she is waitng for the "bomb" to drop and things be like they were before.
just be honest with her... |
Dude, don't drink on account of a woman. Put the bottle down. Pick up the fleshlight and rub one off to some good porn. Wake up and enjoy the weekend. Fuck a bunch of drama over falling off the wagon.
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Besides trust the main thing that will make a marrige work is communication. If you cannot communicate your feelings be it good or bad then you should not be married.
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Sam, I have drug and alchohol issues - and don't shy away from it when people ask... No drinking wasn't the right thing to do tonight, at all .. I should of called someone from my meetings. But it has been 2-3 months of wanting to drink every night, and I guess this ws finally a good enough of an excuse for me... It's bull shit and I will regret it in the AM but I am much less upset now (until tommorow morning anyways) then Iw as 2 hours ago.
Talking to her about it tomorrow is a good idea. Tongiht if I had done it after the way she dealt with everything - It would of been an argument where I wouldn't of let her get a word in I was so upset... She is not into romantic shit, and I undestand that (this women isn't your average girl) but for Christ Sakes... Marriage? That has to get everyone!!! CU, No ... She knew I was very serious, this girl knows me after 5 years Fetish, No stopping once the bottles up bud... Case wil get me through tomorrow morning and I am hitting an 11:00 meeting to start over. I don't feel as bad about it now as I will when I go to the meeting tomorrow. Adult, I did communicate my feelings about the porposal but not how it angered me that she wasn't acting giddy about being engaged.. I know it sounds stupid, but it's queer for a guy to do that man... I dunno - weird situation and I am a closed person alot of the time |
sorry to hear you had to go thru this. It takes alot of courage to take such a huge leap forward and you must feel hurt that she wasn't as estatic as you. Be honest with her when you are calm with your feelings and find out whats on her mind. I'm sure it was just shock and it will all work out for the best :-)
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sorry, I know you said it was going to be long . . . but I will have to return to it later . . . you are killing my buzz
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Damn Ed you army asshole... LOL
If it is the same Ed ?? From 98 ... R.L my initials |
What are you thinking dude?
Getting married? You asked? Pshhhh. Sorry you must be insane. Obviously "She" is not down with the whole idea. Ya better just move on, or ya gonna get really hurt. |
maybe she doesn't want to marry you cause she knows you'll pick up the bottle on any little emotional excuse
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Yeah Sleazy, that's it - Fuck Off !
She has told me so many times over the last few months "Oh You're doing good, you can have a beer while we're at dinner" and I had to explain to her why I couldn't And if this is "Any Old Excuse" Try living my life the last 3 months - Sorry dude but I didn't ask for a pompous fucking asshole's opinions. If you were indeed an alchoholic or understood the disease you NEVER would have made that post - you just don't get it nor will you ever.... |
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i know what i'm talking about. obviously you don't. |
Alien, I think you're right myself - which is why I am kind of hurting tonight...
Possible she is just confused herself? Of course, but unlikely... Women... are just different and if u really love a man as a women and want to spend your life with them, you would be estatic if they proposed to you. Unfortunately, she wasn't ... |
emotions are just that - drinking is a problem inside and no outside influence should be an excuse to drink if you have a problem with drinking.
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Talk your self righteousness elsewhere... The FIRST thing I learned at MY first AA meeting when someone had just slipped that morning, was not to judge them but to HELP them.. Not to hinder them or berate them... You think you know something cause a relative went to AA, FUCK OFF with all due respect and quit preaching ! |
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My post was How the fuck do I handle the situation with the chick... I am really close to giving up on her, but the history... and the kid... keep me here |
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it's not my place to help you. i don't give a fuck about you. You have to understand that. Only your AA buddies will help you to not drink - the rest of the world WANTS you to drink. you will never be able to controll your problem if you can't controll yourself. Time to REALIZE that. you can't recruite strangers to help you not to drink. I have no obligation to help you to quit drinking. hell I'll have a drink with you - wana get drunk? sounds like you need it |
shiiiiiiiiittttttttttt
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Sleazy, sorry bro ....
But I won't answer your post any more tonight. Most likely I won't asnwer them in the future in regards to this subject. Keep in mind, you were the one who cased on my drinking and then allof a sudden "I'm not here to help you sto drinking, Hell I'll buy you a drink" Great, I'll talk a triple tall Long Island man ... for Starters Seriously, drop the alcoholic shit!! Not what this thread is about ... Just cause your pissed cause dad or mom couldn't get through their problems doesn't mena I am them. I am only 27 and working hard to quit - and you wil NEVER have any idea what it is liek to be in my shoes so don't judge. That's all I ask, nothing else... Call me an idiot all you want in ANOTHER THREAD, just not here... K ? |
Do you carry your monthly and or weekly chips with you in your pocket and did you read and re-read AA's 12-steps over and over before you made the decision to drink?
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I don't know how I would react after being with soemone for that long and having a kid only to get a ho-hum responce froma marriage proposal.
I'd prolly drop intoa depression |
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It wouldnt be your fault or anything and it is not worth it. Maybe let it ride a couple days, if she plays it down or is not so chatty about the matter ya might consider an alternative to save yourself alot of pain. |
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I have been in and out of AA meetings for 9 months now, and honestly they help alot.. They help me stay sober through times like this. But there is ALOT of other things going on besides this ... compounded I caved - Know what? RIGHT NOW, I don't regret it... even though I KNOW I will tomorrow. I just have to make sure I get to sleep before 2 or 3 in the afternoon and avoid my daughter drunk now :( If we want to start an AA thread - I'll gladly post there otherwise that REALLY is not why I posted what I did, seriously.. I have help lined up all over nowadays - was my choice not to take it! And no I haven't taken the AA program totally seriously - And even though I have lived the life of a 50 year old at 27 .... I realize I have alot to learn and I WILL NOT DENY IT... But again, that is not what this thread was aabout guys... :( |
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Thanks Alien and everyone else who has posted ....
It's given me a good idea on how to progress the next time I am 'myself' and am able to speak to her about how I feel. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't so much I was "scared" of confrontation tonight - It was more "I don't feel like dealing with it on top of everything else" LOL And yeah, I got the feeling more and more ..... We just weren't meant to be, it's isn't just me changing.. me changing is hurting the relationship because I think she LIKED the emotional abuse I put her through. We "ALL" "ALL" "ALL" "ALL" (can I repeat that 100 times to get the point across please?) know women who "NEED" emotional abuse to be happy (or physical). Maybe she is one of them, and sinceI quit becing a dick and have turned into a nice guy since I laid of 'da shit' ...... Maybe she isn't happy any more because that? Alot of ways to go here but even though alot of this was off-topic bullshit I ahve an idea where to go tomorrrow.. Whenever I wake up sober, lol ... |
Everyone Repeat
"Fuck Phil, Fuck Phil, Fuck Phil, .... " ;) |
of COURSE you should talk to her!
how could you contemplate spending the rest of your life with someone you won't even talk to? sure, the situation sounds disappointing - to say the least. but you have no idea why she responded that way. perhaps she's had to put her feelings about marriage on hold to be with you, and can't reconnect to those feelings right off after years. perhaps she really doesn't believe in marriage, but wants to please you - and just doesn't know how to feel yet. who knows what plans she had for the evening? maybe you just totally derailed her. the only person who knows why she acted the way she did is her - IF she even knows. realize that you and she love each other, so no matter how it seems, neither of you want to hurt each other. get on the same page with each other - you can't beat honesty! i'm going on year 7 with the only person i've ever been comfortable being totally honest with, and real communication sure does keep big fights from happening. good luck to you, and go get your newcomers chip today - don't wait! if you have a sponsor, call him. some people beat themselves up so bad after a relapse that they spend months punishing themselves with drugs or alcohol, and it makes it so much harder. if you need to, maybe you can make an amends to yourself :) maybe you can try some related reading to help you out at home when the urge hits - there's a book called children of trauma that really helped me years ago. |
10 bottles on me and sleazy
Where do we paypal you the monies |
Communication and honesty... that's all you need right now.
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Em, go to alchoholicsanonymous or aa dot com
Send the money there if u aren't a typical GFY Asshole... One thing about non havign a sponsor program or an employee that I enjoy.............. I can speak MY god damn Mind :))) Thanks for those of u that have been supprotive tongiht, wrong... but bars open soon.. and I gotta roll... R |
thats crazy man
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If you and this woman have a child and she is basically freaked at the idea of marrying you. There are very serious issues there.Also how long have you been sober? Maybe she feels you will fall and doesnt want to be married to that situation but I assume your living together so that wouldnt make sense. I would take her for a cup of coffee and have a come to Jesus.
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Sleazy is such a pos.
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She said yes. She wants to change the ring. umm where is the issue? These are good signs. If she changes teh ring it is because she wants to wear one she likes. "wants to wear one". And you get drunk over that? Work on the AA and after a year retry this.
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Meh.... sounds like she has some serious reservations if you ask me.
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She obviously has reservations and your getting drunk just added another real big one.
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coming from a chick who dated an addict at one point in my life... I never and I mean I never could rely on him for shit. I was always waiting for him to slip back into old habits once he was clean. Way too much stress and basically there was no relationship..I was just somewhere for him to come sleep after being up for 15 days.
She obviously has reservations about being permantly hitched to you.as would any woman that is with an addict. I highly reccommend the book "A million little pieces" |
if you do decide to marry her .....
never let her go to walmart...thats important |
Here's the TRUTH:
You should have cut her loose after she hesitated on your proposal. No real woman that is genuinely interested in you would need a moment to hesitate about you asking what has been known to be the ultimate 'sacrifice' for men for thousands of years - hand in marriage. To make it worse it sounds like you practically begged her to say yes - showing this sign of weakness to her was a very bad thing to do.. She wants to marry a man, not a fucking pansy who needs to beg and thus has no respect in her eyes. Save yourself the emotional heartache now and down the road by growing a backbone and creating some respect for yourself from her (begging for it wont work). You're the man and if she has to think twice about being with you "forever in marriage ..(whatever that means these days)", there WILL be complications down the road. What percentages of marriages fail these days again? Wonder why??? Cut the booze and take up a new hobby...a sport (you might actually impress her doing this)...something other than the gutless drinking routine. If you didn't have a kid with her Id say cut the frigid bitch loose (can you handle 40 years of not knowing when you'll get laid?) Starting 2 years ago you were a role model for your son. For the kids sake, grow the fuck up and start acting like a man. |
So, let me get this right.
1) You're an addict 2) Your daughter is 2 and you are "starting" to get close to her 3) You have been having this "family" feeling for "a couple of months" 4) You have mentally abused this woman and put her through hell for years (which means you have probably done the same to your daughter) 5) You are an addict 6) She STILL said yes and you're pissed because she didn't have sex with you? You're pissed because she wasn't ecstatic and calling her family and friends? Did you ever stop to think for one minute that she didn't call anyone because they might say "What the fuck are you thinking"???? Who gives a shit if you were nice 1 fucking night and lit some candles? Then, you EXPECT to get some pussy for your efforts? Sorry, not trying to bust your balls or anything, but you have a lot of growing up to do. Your immediate retreat to the bottle should send her running for the hills. |
Sounds like you two have a LOT of water under the bridge and a shakey foundation at the very least. I would recommend some personal counselling before even considering taking your baggage into a relationship.
Besides, aren't you supposed to avoid romantic relationships during the initial stages of your recovery and focus solely on YOU and getting better from this disease? Also "let's get married!" fixes a realtionship just about as fast as "let's have a baby!" - I know lots of people do these things to try to 'fix' a relationship but it sounds like you're holding on to the scraps of something that's been over long ago. You don't have to live with this girl to be a dad to your kid. Keep that in mind when making decisions about your future. |
Give her some time dude ... she's still under the shock
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Dude, I'm sorry you're going through this. Really, you just need to sit down and talk to her. You, nor anyone else in the thread, truly knows what's going through her head, and you don't want to act on hypothesis. This is just to serious an issue. Good luck with it, bro.
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Every fucking relationship councilor will tell you to sit down and talk it through - this is the worst possible thing you could ever do. All she will think about is your past history and how she does not want a part of it....and why would she? Seems like a step backwards for her. If the councilors have the right idea with talking things out....why are there soo many breakups and divorces? Shouldn't we all be happy in our big homes with our 2.3 kids enjoying a perfect life? Things are exactly the opposite and you my friend will be going down that same disaster road if you think anything but taking control YOURSELF will work. Can you tell I'm passionate about females? :) |
Thanks for the advice everyone...
I agree with alot of the points, including the one about me being unreliable. However the women who feel that is the problem need to realize this women has been pushing me to drink when we go out together... Telling me I can have a couple drinks I have been doing so well ... etc Her serious issues with me when I was emotionally abusive were NOT when I was drunk, it was when I was tweaked out of my mind and I have been clean from them shit for wel... 18 months which seems like a life time to me. I have NO DESIRE to go back to that - It cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars and two failed businesses... I also became a person I am not. The fact that I am just coming around to being closer with my family is sad and wrong that it wasn't sooner... But as an addict and alchoholic I have dealt with alot the last couple of years quitting drinking and I am starting to appreciate the little things in life more. She herself said she has realized this and it means alot to her.... Why would she still tell me it's OK to do Coke though after all the shit I put her through on it ? "You can buy a gram and I'll do a couple nummies - you just can't do foiles or snort 1/2 gram lines" is what I ahve heard over and over from her. "You can drink, You have done so well" is also what I have heard. I really don't think it has anything to do with my drugging and/or drinking in the past... I'm going to talk to her frankly about it tonight and see how it goes - Right now I have to sober up entirely since I woke up stil drunk :( |
you are pretty fucked in the head
i prescribe 2 joints before bed for a week |
Sounds like it hasn't sunk in..congrats
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