Cheating Girl - How do you catch the resourceful ones?
 

I have been with this girl for years now, we have a 2 year old daughter together. Over the years I have caught her in 4 or 5 major slip-ups which led me to believe she was cheating, but never any proof :( She is slick or innocent. I'm going to have to say slick

First of all, I know it doesn't mean alot.. But my gut has always sided on her cheating on me. Every once in a while I will think she isn't because she does stuff to make me believe she isn't.

For example, she will call me multiple times per day. Certain days during her lunch break she makes it a point to call me and ask me things she has already asked me once or twice earlier in the day. Like do I need anything from the store she is going to for lunch... At first glance you think she is just makign sure I am taken care of and for some reason it made me feel she wants me to know where she is.

She makes it a point to call me and say she is there and wants to make sure again that I don't need anything after already telling her no just hours before. Typically I have noticed if I try calling back 10-15 minutes later there is no answer there or at her work phone. She always conveniently 'left the phone in her purse and didn't hear it' or some other excuse. That's weird she always hears her phone ring in her purse when she isn't banging someone.

I have done detailed checking on her cell calls... no evidence of cheating.. I have done all the obvious things including installing spyware. When she found it with an anti key logging thing she was using to clean her computer she has made sure she regularly scans her computer for spyware since. She never did before then just happened to download something cause her computer was boged down from spyware - which it really was I remember using it..

That being said I never got anything from that or her history and she doesn't appear to erase her internet history. Her e-mail accounts she knows I would have access to so I think she has another e-mail setup to use for this type of thing... She makes it a point to leave her e-mail on so I can check it any time.

She basically is flaunting the fact I can't catch her is what I get from it. She gets off on it I am prettty sure..

I wrote her a very very long e-mail going over how I think she is a great mother but I am not going to keep living with her and the sex life we have. I told her I will leave her period... if things stay like they are.

I also stated I thought she was cheating on me and I didn't think it was with a random guy... but someone she sees regularly and is giving her something I can't. I told her I didn't even care but if she was she had best quit if she wanted to save our relationship.

her response to the e-mail was "I have just now seen you start to change the last month, and I agree.. Things need to change. No I am not cheating on you and never have"

Since then she has tonight brought up when a friend was over and I needed her to check her e-mail to look for something I ordered with her e-mail addess.. Jokingly 'Don't check my e-mail what if my boyfriend e-mails me' I told her she had bigger problems than that if they were that stupid.. she just chuckled

Threw me for a loop as she typically doesn't joke about cheating at all, especially not after I brought up I thought she was a day or two before. I really think she was in her own way shoving it in my face I haven't caught her and probably never will.

Years ago I even had a PD watch her one night when I was out for the night and thought something would happen. Nothing did...

Our sex life is shit because when we sleep together she claims it is painful.. And has ever since we had our daughter. It's possible this is legit but she said herself a year ago or so it was getting better.. and mentions it less now just acts as if she has no sex drive. She does not give blowjobs and throws such a fit I don't even ask any more.. Hell she gags when she looks at cum, literally.. I will say she isn't faking that. Yeah I know, none of you would ever live with her cause of that alone.

I think this girl either has severe emotional problems or is cheating on me and gets off on not being able to be caught. Please understand I am strapped financially so I can't afford to have her followed but .. She now has a business conference she is going out of town for tomorrow morning and won't be back until late at night. She has a friend watching our daughter through the whole night and day. She offered to take her supposedly. Now it's possible she really did offer but I dunno.. it just seems weird. And yeah it is actually possible she is at a conference. But i have no way of verifying

She supposedly has another one of these conferences for a couple days up state again in a couple weeks. She is supposedly making advancements but another thing that throws me is .....

There were issues in her work place a bunch of people got fired. Now the person that originally got her the job , Craig.. is effectively her boss. Craig is the brother of one of her good friends. She hasn't talked about conferences or nada until Craig started to be her boss. Actually they came up once but then it was 'cancelled'

There have been multiple times where I felt I had effectively caught her because she would call me repeatedly letting me know where she was and what she was doing during the day .. calling excessively like she does some times. Like she wants to make sure I feel comfortable with where she is. Then I called back 5 or 6 times over 20 minutes with no answer.. No answer on the work phone either. These two times that stick out are the two times i have come the closest I feel.. to catching her cheat on me. Far from a lock though.

I think she is very good... She knows I am suspicious and knows i am net/computer savvy so she has to be careful in everything she does. I think she is, and I think she is real good at it now.

My guess is it is either a couple different people she has had affairs with for extended periods of time or she is seeing the same person now for an extended period of time Either way it isn't your average Joe one time flings.

I also don't think this person can leave their SO as I think they are married most likely with kids as well. I also think she knows them very well and is able to arrange meetings without the use of telephones, e-mail, or credit cards most likely as he has a credit card he is putting everything on.

I really want to catch her... I pretty much have no doubt in my mind she is cheating on me. I would be able to leave her even in the financial ruin I am in now.. with much more peace and I would feel better about it. She would be out on the street basically with a $1500 job and $400 a month in child support from me.. Not the life for my kid, I want her to be well taken care of.

I know it is excuse making pretty much but I WANT TO CATCH HER

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do ? I have done it all... Keep in mind this girl is being careful as she knows I am suspicous and is the only one who has a car so it's not like I can really just drive by the office and keep an eye on her.

Too long to read, but call cheaters! They'll bust her ass.... on National TV!

Hire a PI, but if you think she is cheating you are probabley right! they all cheat lol.

bro, imma say it like this... if you feel she is cheating to the point you would have her followed.... the ya need to cut your losses and move on... even if she aint cheating...

thas a good idea... they do go all over the country.... and besides, if shes cheating, it would be the shit to get her busted on that level.... can you say " nationaly known ho?"

You're right about her calling you right before she probably hooks up, this way you don't have any reason to call her for anything.

I dunno man, if you feel so shitty and convinced you might just want to leave. I know catching her would be sweet but is it worth sticking around just for that reason alone? You don't sound happy.

I think it is natural to start new families after the first couple of kids are born. It is time to start fresh every few years.

Two things I didn't understand. You sent your wife an email to tell her how you feel? And why do you keep referring to your wife as "this girl"?

Yeah man, fuck that surveillance shit -- save your cash and find a new woman. ;)

bitches aint shit but heartache and drama bro

Join AMC, I'll take care of ya ;]

Not my wife... Just long time girlfriend... Practically married through common law marriage or whatever the hell that is called.

Cutting my losses and leaving because I have myself convinced isn't enough for me. I know it is lame but it is easier to say then to do, believe me I have told other people the same thing you guys are telling me when they were in similar situations. Either way I look at it she is still the mother of my child and if she actually was being faithful I would try to make it work again.

I think as someone else has already posted the calling me thing is the best sign I have she is cheating evidence wise. It's more the fact that she has been temporarily unavailable after I called her back multiple times and has also been very short a few times when I called her back after that type of situation came up.

Being her lunch break it fits in with my gut telling me it's someone from her office as it has to be someone she has a way of being in contact with and not leave a trace...

One other thing that has been throwing me for a loop lately.. She has been mentioning a movie called The Warriors and told me she can't believe I haven't seen it being the movie Buff I am .. Told me it was a great movie.

Some of these cheating websites talk about mentioning things she has done and you weren't there. Well I know she isn't much of a movie fan and doesn't bring up movies much but she said the reason she brought it up was because a playstation 2 game was coming out for it. Told me sort of in detail how it was etc.. and over and over how she cna't believe I haven't seen it.

One guy she works with let us borrow Amityville a while ago and when imet the dude she introduced him as being into movies as much as me.. So it could be she watched the movie with this dude.. If it's a new movie out in the last year or two something's up as she is not a movie fan and never goes to the movies.. She could of HEARD about it from this guy and mentionedit to me but she has definitely seen the movie the way she talks..

exactly... checking cellphones etc then youre fucked, move on and try to maintain a healthy relation with her for your daughters sake

I think you should trust you gut-feelings.

The reason you are suspicious of her is because she is acting suspicious.

Trust your instincts - they seldom lie.. :2 cents:

i can't believe i read all that... geeze..

either way... save up and hire a private investigator :)

If you are that paranoid. Hire a PI, plain and simple. He will get the truth for you.

This is good advice.

In the time it took you to write all that, she slipped out the back door and cheated on you again, then came back and you didn't even notice.

Unless you strangely get off on feeling like she is cheating on you.. I'd break it off immediately.

Actually that's not true. I'd personally start fucking around on her, let her suspect THEN dump her... but I am evil.

Actually, The Warriors is an old 1979 movie. The original DVD came out in 2001, but there was a directors cut released just this month (Oct 4th, I think). If she's just now talking about it, chances are she just watched it. Does she have opportunities to watch movies when you're not around? Where would the movie have come from for her to watch? ...Since you hadn't heard of it, chances are you didn't own it for her to watch when she was bored. Do you have cable? Is she into games? How did she hear about the PS2 version coming out?

If she's not into games and doesn't have opportunities to watch movies, she probably watched it with someone else who knows more about it. And if she's watching movies with some dude, rather than having sex, then it's someone she's been with a while, is comfortable with and likes to enjoy time with (this does not have to be a relationship person). However, there's not a chance that she's going to be watching an hour and a half movie with some dude she's having an affair with if she only has her lunch hour arranged with him. If she is having an affair, she's got a heck of a lot more time with him than her lunch hour.

As for your other comments, I'll list both pro and con:

The phone calls are unusual and I would suspect something based on that.

I really doubt she's married with kids, because I doubt she'd be living with you unmarried if that was the case. It usually works the other way around.

If she's cheating, it's less probably that she'd joke about it, because cheaters don't want anymore attention towards them on that subject than necessary, unless she's really throwing it in your face.

Anti-spy software doesn't mean anything. Did you ever find anything from it before it got removed?

If you're not having sex, she's probably getting it somewhere else. Fact of life...we're sexual creatures.

Has she ever accused you of cheating? Cheaters almost always think their partner is cheating.

If the conferences are in differing, widespread locations, then that could mean either (1) she's going to conferences or (2) she's going with the guy she's cheating with (probably her boss). This assumes she actually does travel for the conferences.

Can I get the Cliff notes on this post please?

I read that entire thing and I feel the exact same way about my girlfriend, the mother of my daughter.

I am also computer savvy and she knows to be careful with her cell phone and on the computer. I social engineered her cingular account over the phone and called over 20 phone numbers in her call logs, the results were inconclusive.

What I recommend doing is using your most attractive male friend, get drunk with him and your girlfriend and take off for awhile. Have him record the conversation that takes place while you are gone, have him try to put the smooth moves on her, see if she's a slut. But then again, she'd probably assume this was a setup.

Scratch that, I'm starting over, you need to hire a very attractive and rich looking business man to "accidentally" meet your wife and try to arrange a date with her.

and dude, be honest with me, have you ever cheated on her? just so when you find out she cheated on you it wont break your heart as bad? that's what a lot of guys do in relationships with slutty girls.

I can feel your heartache and pains dude. I just want to say that the truth will really come out and if she is really cheating you there will come a time that she's gonna pay what she did and Karma is very true.

One more thing.... get a DNA test for your daughter and make sure she's really yours :(

ok dude you got me I have been fucking your wife.. buts its all your fault

she says youre a wimp and you spend too much time on the net

she said your dick small and you always looking at porn sites

she said you bitch made and proably gone post your realtionship problems on a porn webmaster chat board :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I will tell you this she looks cute walking around in nothing but my contruction shirt and socks

but if you beg I want fuck her anymore, ok twerp

:1orglaugh

For any ladies who read this what if this guy postin was your husband would you think he a girly man :1orglaugh :error

one more thing do what I did and click the line in my sig have a new girl in no time

I was once a weakling just like you but now thanks to the people in my sig

my pimp hand is wayyyyyy strong

Holy crap, this in like unreal. If you think a girl is cheating then dump her. Why go in to so much trobble over this?

agree 100% :thumbsup

You have a child together so for those saying dump and move on. I understand why you might not want to do that.

Don't find people to hit on her. She is probably hooking up with a co worker and not your entire town.

Did she loose weight? Does she dress better? Does she have more energy? In other words does she look like someone in the early part of a realtionship? Then you know you have an issue.

I don't own it ... One of the 2 guys I think it is possible it would be that I would know of (the one I was actually leaning more towards anyways) is the guy who is a 'movie buff' I was talking about. She said she had seen it a while ago.. but didn't define how long ago.. I will slyly slip it into conversation, possibly rent it and see what her reaction is when I ask her to watch it.

She could stretch her lunch out but I definitely agree... I don't see her watching the movie with him unless she was hanging out with him for the night, which I am having a tough time thinking of when she would do that unless she has lied about going to one of her hockey games she goes to. There were 4 over 2 weekends and even though she loves her hockey.. I am guessing she would give up 1 of 4 nights she was supposed to be at a hockey game to spend it with this person.. Especially if she has been in it for a while and it is becoming more than just a fling as I suspect. The hockey games are really the only time she would be able to get away with something like that.. and I hadn't even thought of it till just now as she is so hard in hockey and usually calls me from the games. Not sure if she did that night, or not..

Never found anything with the spyware... Yeah she has acused me of cheating a few times.. She hasn't ever caught me not even been on target but she has accused me of it a few times. Yes I have cheated on her a total of 4 times, most recnt 7 or 8 months ago.. I'm past the point where it would break my heart. I'm not a massochist but I am hoping I am wrong and she isn't cheating on me although it is highly unlikely. Even if she isn't cheating on me the fact that I have been convinced she is for so long is a concern initself and may mean there is no way in hell we would ever work out regardless. As weird as it is, I think the only way I could move on is if she admitted to me she had... and it was over for a while. If she told me she was currently, it would be over though. Bizzare 'eh ?

I'm going to start keeping a log of all the small things like the stuff Iposted about tonight. And a couple other small things I have since thought about. And see if it adds up to anything over time..

Thanks to everyone who has been supportive, a welcome suprise

Yes, she has lost weight but hasn't been working out.. When she went off the pill pounds started shedding. But definately looking better again...

You need to really end this shit!! I feel you man, this shit can eat you up inside....
End it now... you will be glad you did in the long run.

Dude you have some serious issues and that is why I posted what I posted. More then likely you are just insecure because you dont have a real Job and she can do better then you

My advice from a real man is to hit the gym\
get a real job
comb your fuckin hair
take a bath
read one of those sex books
stop lookin at gay porn
get a life ---- with her in it

and get off a message board for pimps talkin bout a broad pimpin you

I would slap you with my biggest pimp hand if you were my friend

snap out of it

I'll tell ya', bro. If you let it plague your mind so much, it'll kill you. It might seriously be best to just cut your losses and go. That's really hard, I know, but sometimes you have to go through pain to heal yourself.

Yeah... Or YOU are the crazy one... Either way...

This place is starting to look more and more like a Jerry Springer show.
I think it's about half and half webmasters / surfers here now.

Use the FORCE Luke.....TRUST your feelings.....

Sounds like you all ready know for sure she is.

sounds like you are already cheating on her

To be honest, YOU sound like the crazy one. If my boyfriend was installing key logging software on my computer, hiring a PI to follow me around, and checking my cell phone all the time, I would be PISSED and then I would dump you. Just the thing with you calling her 5 or 6 times in the space of 20 minutes while she's AT WORK is enough for me to suspect that you have some mental issues. Of course she's calling you in advance so you won't call her again at work. Maybe she'd like to actually keep her job and get some work done. Sheesh.

If you've cheated on her and you think she's cheating on you (possibly guilt?) its time to move on. One thing you need to get into your head that "staying for the child" is a complete load of bullshit. Staying for the child does more harm than good.

Fix the relationship or move on. Staying with things the way they are isn't healthy for you, her or the child.

If you can't trust a woman than she definately shouldn't be your wife.

Bro, if you think she is cheating you, she is probably. :(

blowmyass,

do you have ICQ?

I have to say, this hits home for me. I've been through it. It sucks.

I have to say to trust your gut, but I also know that you need confirmation.

When it happend to me, not only did I begin to believe that I was crazy, my friends and family began to think that as well. she would talk to my friends and family and tell them that I was a paranoid jealous person. She projected who she had become at the time on to me and had everyone convinced. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I'm still dealing with it now, however, due to it all, I'm so much more of a person, so much more myself and much stronger now.

If you want, give me you icq.

Ironically, the guy my girl was fucking was named...craig...and was/is her boss.

Dude you are in the worst relationship, ever.

If that guy is her boss, she's fucking him.

lol why do people feel obligated to people they despise or really do not get along with? cut your losses and move the fuck on.. by the way your accusing your girl of all this yet you have no evidence what so ever. i don't know you just sound like a over controlling stalker dude to me.

and you are wondering why she doesn't want to take you inside her? or why she might be looking for someone/thing else?
You may think you were slick and got these past her, but I think you need to give women more credit, they just know these things.

How old is your kid? Why does she feel the need to leave your kid with a friend while she is out of town? You are unable or unwilling to take care of your own?

Hire a private investigator. Or just end it I guess. But end it because it's over for *you*, not because of unsubstantiated suspicions. You'd kick yourself later if you ended it and it was a mistake. And quit spying, hire a pro, lol :)