Dear President Bush,
 

Dear President Bush,

I have been reading the Bible and hope you can shed some light on the following.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Signed,

The OTHER Almighty.

hmmmm shellfish is bad? that sucks...

i guess ill have to start eating more shellfish

Heh, originally directed at Dr. Laura, but I love that piece. I have shut up a number of pablum pukers in usenet by simply throwing a few verses back at 'em:)

Plagiarism in academia? Bad.

Plagiarism in marketing? Good.

hehe, good shit! :thumbsup

oh wow..i have to read the bible one day

especially the Leviticus part..sounds good,

:1orglaugh
Amazing how they take it out of context!

Leviticus is the best book in the bible .. for anti-bible thumping.

Absolutely. For every verse that a funkamentalist can throw at you from Leviticus there are a dozen you can throw back harder:thumbsup

so fucking true :1orglaugh :helpme

My favorite site on the net

http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/

enjoy..

Wow nice

The above is from the Old Testament, deals with Jewish law, and is better posed to a Jewish leader. Bush is a Christian, and might answer thus:

(Mark, 7:5)"And the Pharisees and the scribes asked him, 'Why do your disciples not live according to the tradition of the elders, but eat with hands defiled?'" (7:6)" And he said to them, 'Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written, ''This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me;(7:7)in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.'"

very good letter

stolen and reposted

thanks =]

Ahh, this is some good stuff. Thank you!

colin/moron.

its actuly a book on how priests should live. not you or bush.

So thats how priests should live????? :eek7

nice shit!;)

Very good read

I dont think Bush reads GFY :upsidedow

Its OK for Priests to have slaves, cool :thumbsup

Awewome post!

LOL good one.

this has been on the web for 5 years.

And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye?

Wow, i didn't even know some of those things listed.