This has got steak & a blowjob day beat by a mile
 

THE PERFECT DAY according to both sexes:


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants
open presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds
1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle
hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full
length mirror
7:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/dancers.
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:05 Blow job
6:30 Massive satisfying sh-- while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine - 2 under
11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine - 4 under
2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who
also bend over a lot displaying growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin ( 1234 lbs.) - on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over,
naturally).
6:45 sh--, Shower and Shave
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you
watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over)
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 A night cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep



Ain't in the truth?

her growler :1orglaugh

That is the best day I could ever imagine in my life! :thumbsup

DH

haha did u make that up?!

Amen, heaven indeed.

:1orglaugh

Only this part.....

"11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep"


:D

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh thats awesome, but predictable

:1orglaugh :thumbsup

awsome... by week 5 of that i would die from a heartattack

You've never shopped with a woman if she only needs 2 hours. Let alone if she has unlimited credit, this will take at least 8 hours :)

WG

..and it was definitely the funniest part :thumbsup

:1orglaugh

Yes, and to think all it takes is a good chunk of cash and it happens.

I guess there were only so many hours to play with.

I love going shopping with women who have unlimited credit. :D

Holy shit that was funny :1orglaugh

As long as that unlimited credit card isn't under my name, its all good :)

WG

I've had better days :glugglug

o man thatone alsmo laughed me to sleep! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Seriously? I was just about to quote those two lines and say that those alone would make my day perfect.

Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section :1orglaugh

Michael Jackson assasinated :1orglaugh

22 second fart :1orglaugh

That was great!!! Thanks!!!

if a woman had an unlimited CC they wouldnt leave the mall.

sounds like heaven. :)

Haha first time i heard the word "growler" used in that context

HAHAHAHA Growler!

I will have to use that in my daily regime of pissing girls off.

That would be perfect

If I could just get head when I wake up my days would be a lot better than they are and you can skip the next 20 steps.

thats sounds like a fucking awesome day to me! ahh... head in the morning what a way to start the day!

I couldn't fuck that many times a day :(

Amen

steak and eggs for breakfast = Perfect

Plus micheal jackson out of the map ... couldn't have a better day .


Only thing I don't like is golf

Yeah, the only times I want it twice are when I haven't had it once yet.

So simmilar. not. thats funny as hell.

That is mostly true and way too funny! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Totally mon.

A 22 second fart like that would have such an equlization effect...

it would be a near orgasmic experience I'm sure. :fart

This thread should be bumped every spring

to remind us there are still goals we can shoot for.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

that could not have been written any better at the end hahahahahaha good job man

fixed that 4u :thumbsup
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:05 roll over take the blue pills :( :1orglaugh
6:07 your girlfriend/wifes friend yells out the shower is warm lets make gravy :1orglaugh
6:09 what? two minutes im finished
6:10 im watching them do it :1orglaugh
6:30 Massive satisfying sh-- while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine - 2 under
11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine - 4 under
2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who
also bend over a lot displaying growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin ( 1234 lbs.) - on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over,
naturally).
6:45 sh--, Shower and Shave
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you
watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over)
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 A night cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

Showers

TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
- Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
- Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
- If you see husband along the way, cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
- Look at your womanly physique in mirror and stick out gut so you can complain and whine even more about getting fat.
- Get in shower.
- Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
- Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
- Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
- Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.
- Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
- Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
- Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
- Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure it has all come off).
- Shave armpits and legs.
- Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
- Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you lose the water pressure.
- Turn off shower.
- Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.
- Spray mold spots with Tilex.
- Get out of shower.
- Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.
- Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
- Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit.
- Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
- Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
- If you see husband along the way, cover up exposed areas, then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
- Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave them in a pile.
- Walk naked to the bathroom.
- If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her and make “woo”sound.
- Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no).
- Admire size of wiener in the mirror, scratch “privates” and smell fingers for one last whiff.
- Get in the shower.
- Don’t bother to look for washcloth (you don’t use one).
- Wash face, then armpits.
- Crack up at how loud fart sounds in the shower. Wash privates and surrounding area.
- Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
- Shampoo hair (do not use conditioner).
- Make a shampoo Mohawk.
- Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
- Pee (in the shower).
- Rinse off and get out of the shower.
- Fail to notice water on floor because you left curtain hanging out of tub the whole time.
- Partially dry off.
- Look at self in the mirror, flex muscles.
- Admire wiener size again.
- Leave shower curtain open, wet bath mat on floor.
- Leave bathroom fan and light on.
- Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
- If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go “Yeah baby” and thrust your pelvis at her.
- Throw wet towel on the bed.
- Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

more on my blog

Come to think of it any reference to "growler" was mine as well. :D

very funny!

when an alarm clock goes off at 6 am, nothing can make that day perfect anymore.

i would not change this time scale

i LOLd, I love the term growler! its stored!

"7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;"

lol,lol,lol

7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;

I laughed at the coldness and randomness of this.

I thought my day was going damn good till I read this, some of the starting elements are there, but I know I have to work today!

I tried starting today with the 22 second fart. It worked great.

Not only for nighttime, it's a refreshing way to start your day.

Throw it in the lexicon

:thumbsup:thumbsup

Your bot-like randomness reminds me of Tranza. But at least you've made yourself useful here.

Thanks for the bump.