Help! I think I knocked up a hooker!
 

been having fun with this girl off and on for about 6 months, now she says she is pregnant and is gonna fuck my shit up unless I take care of her ($$$$$)... waiting for the tests..

any advice?:helpme

run as fast and far as you possibly can

My father always had a good work for these kind of situations.

Bring her for a little trip to the Niagara Falls... an accident may happen so quickly. :Graucho

Watch The Shawshank Redemption.

That should give you enough motivation to cash out, change your name, and move to a small coastal town in Mexico.

File a police report:

"Hello officer, this hooker stole my sperm. Who KNOWS what she's gonna do with it!!!!"

If I were you I would remove the sock from your right foot, place the gun barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger with the big toe of your right foot.

Or get a good lawyer.

dumb dumb da dumb...

Also if you have the baby, get your self checked for STD's, it would be a terrible thing if this baby has some disease.

ROFL!

Umm I agree RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

if its your kid you're gonna be fucked again but this time wont be so much fun....

#1 get checked for std's
#2 bang your head against the wall 10 times for being an idiot
#3 get a lawyer
#4 repeat #2

Great another diseased baby to a mom who feeds her child by using her pussy ass and mouth.

Moms are such wonderful people these days.

Youre a fool for even fucking her.

Condomless? Geez man.

Razors are cheaper than this is gonna cost you.

nobody will miss a hooker...snuff her

I'm glad you could find some humour...:(

Oh shit haha

I can't figure out why you weren't using a fucking condom?? Did you just fall off the hay wagon from 1940's Iowa?

You are gonna get so screwed by this.

Dooooooooooh!

DH

Well said

:1orglaugh

Couldn't have said it better myself...

You can't test for paternity before a baby is born.

Do you keep a loaded gun in the house?

Now is the time to use it..

i'd pull all my money, and leave the country.

doing a hooker with no condom was amazingly fucking stupid. do you have a tendency to put yourself on self-destruction paths? did she tell you she was 'on the pill'?

I used a condom everytime, but I didnt like carrying them in my pockets so I used the ones she had in her place, I can remember them breaking only 3-4 times.


ALWAYS USE LUBE!!!!!

Is she really a hooker - or just a slut? Does she have a drug problem? Can she get dust? Hit me up.

157711456

coat hanger and queludes

If you're serious and not fucking around, try to talk to her and ask her if she'll get an abortion. Even if you have to pay her off. Give her $10,000.

That sounds sick I know, but just think of the life this kid would have with a hooker for a mother. Unless of course you want to start a legal battle to gain custody when the child is born. If she's really a hooker it shouldn't be too hard to prove her unfit.

If you're out fucking hookers I can't imagine that you would want to start looking after a child. You're in for rough times no matter what you do.

Chessy-

I'm talking about STD tests..

doh. You beat me to it.. I was scanning the thread to see if someone mentioned this slight oversight.

Perhaps he meant waiting for the pregnancy results? Though I would think shes going to come up pregnant irregardless of if she is or not. I mean if hes messing around with a hooker, without a condom... my bet is this girl is going after some quick & easy money, "I'm preganant! Pay me!".

Shes a hooker for fucks sake... you think your the only person she has unprotected sex with?

When ever I fuck hookers, (which is every night) I never use condoms. I welcome AIDS, Crabs, and the plethora of fun and exciting blotches and sores that form around my privates. After I screw them I slap them around a bit so their pimp comes and beats me with in inches of my life. In the event that they get pregnant, I ask for full custody of the child and raise them myself. I am usually able to work a deal out for compensation. Most of the time, it involves crack, power tools, and a plastic Santa clause.

:BangBang:

You can get prenatal paternity testing done via amniocentesis

Just kill her and feed the body to the pigs. No body + no murder weapon + no witnesses = no case.

Failing that a few good kicks to the stomach should do the trick, or you could just kill yourself instead.

Just imagine the poor child going through life knowing it's mother was a whore.

She just needs some money for something and is playing you. Did she recently ask you for a loan or something (maybe within the last couple months) or mention any recent financial hardships (like hinting that she might be open to a loan?). Unless shes totally fucked up in the head, she would probably try one of those more passive attempts to snatch your cash first.

In any case, tell her you are going to hire a PI to track and get in touch with all her John's to make sure that she isn't pulling the same thing on any of them as well :thumbsup

Yeah... invite her home, shoot her, break your door and call the police for self defense kill following a home intrusion :BangBang:

And for future reference:

Up the bum = no babies.

:thumbsup

HOOKER:

Hey baby, here's our new son..

http://www.rikky.net/news/babypants.jpg

:Kissmy

Urmm. Try again.