My gym pet peeves.
 

Raven's thread got me thinking. So I updated my blog about the gym.


My request of 24 Hour Fitness
http://midgetarmy.com/

---When you hire personal trainers, please hire ones that are in shape. You would think this to be common sense, however it is obvious to me that it isn?t common sense to you. If you went into to Hooters and a dude walked over to take your order, how would you feel? Slighted? What about a girl with a pancake rack serving you wings?

I actually witnessed one of your slob trainers out in the parking lot smoking a cigarette in his car, windows up, car off, temperature damn near 85 degrees here in Irvine.

If this isn?t common sense, here is a good scale for you to go by. If I can kick your personal trainers ass, don?t hire them.



---Can you please take Sean Paul?s ?I got da right temperature for you to get iiit ooon?? out of the music rotation? Honestly, that song has been on repeat since 2002, time for a change. You are running a gym, not the MTV Beachhouse. Anything else would be better at this point.

I know; I should have an IPOD. Well fuck you, I don?t, it broke. I pay my dues, please apply some of them to something else, even Nelly would be fine. If I hear that stupid song one more time while I am trying to flex my biceps in the mirror I may well beat up one of your personal trainers for sport.


---Please send out a memo to all the out of shape people in your gym that reads:

The reason you are out of shape is because when you go to the gym, you spend most of your time waiting behind Cory for him to leave his machine.

Seriously? These people need to understand, if a machine is taken, go grab a fucking dumb bell and do something else until that machine opens up. I assure you, the machine I am working out on isn?t the difference between where you are now and where deal a meal says you should be.

Burn calories. Don?t just stand there. And for god?s sake, don?t talk to me.

"Bro, how many more reps you got?"

"I am going to sit here until my body disintigrates into ash. Take your notepad down to the "stripper dance class."

---Please tell your personal trainers to stop racking and unracking the weights for people. They need to burn calories, yet you carry the big balls across the room for them and then you pull down 10-pound weights and clamp them to the bars?

Well lets not be bothered to actually do anything strenuous while at the gym! Hey, build them a fucking greek chariot while you are at it and loft them down the steps on your shoulders!


---Your locker rooms are starting to look like a Turkish bath. I realize people need to change and shower and this requires nudity, however, just laying around the locker room nude and blow-drying your pubic nest with the HAND dryers is totally beyond the point of the locker room. Somewhere, the concept of the locker room got lost in translation.


---There are several people that are simply in the way and I am encouraging you to revoke their memberships.

1) The weight droppers: These are the guys that load up a bar with a ton of weights and then pretend they are worthy of lifting it. Instead, they pick it up a quarter of the way (as far as they can) and just drop it obnoxiously while grunting hoping that the milfs will all turn around and go ?wooo, isn?t he strong, I should give him my number next time I see him in the steam room.?

2) The stag guys: Tell these guys to stop showing up at the gym and leaning on machines hoping to meet milfs. I have no issue with someone using the gym to get tail, but at least use the machines. This isn?t a MySpace luncheon.

3) The ponytail guys: I don?t need to go into detail here, this one is obvious. Revoke.

4) The dumb bell dummies: These idiots are the ones that grab dumb bells and lift them above the dumb bell rack from which they grabbed the dumb bells. Are you fucking kidding me? Because of this, we all have to form a line behind them while they ?pump iron? as close to the mirror as possible, waiting to get our own dumb bells that they are hovering over. Look, they need to step back like the rest of us and curl from an acceptable and polite distance from the mirror.



That should do it. The way I see it, you are just a few flaws away from making Magic and Cindy happy campers.

Until next time,

ha! I love the types of gym people, lol.
WG

HAHAHAH, a funny read. Definitely cover some of the pet peeves I have at the gym.

you forgot the grunters, the people who grunt way to loud just so people will turn their heads and be impressed with the amount of iron they lifted

and the people who try to talk to my trainer while he is training me.. i pay for his time..

hahahahahahahaha. fucin awesome!

thank god my gym is jsut a bunch of meat head roid boys. no one looks at each other, we all just make faces when we look arund between reps

LOL

too funny :)

Or how about the "Over weight housewife who brought a friend".

You know the one, they work with the exercise balls for 20 minutes showing their friend the "proper" way to do a really great work out. Hey, here's a thought: If they knew how to do a proper workout they probably wouldn't look like an eat creature.

The same people can be seen later burning 300 calories on a stepper machine until they're drenched with sweat and over heating, when it's off to the juice bar for 500 calories of gatorade.

Good read. I like your writing skills. I agree with you on the personal trainer thing.

My gym pet peeve... my ghetto gym has had the power out for the past two days... I've been a member since December and since then the power has been shut off twice and the water once (that I know of.)

Sure I signed up because it was relatively cheap ($30/month) and empty most of the time but come on! This guy has the money, just "forgets" to pay his bills, so I've heard.

The other day there were these three hugely overweight women standing around the machines I wanted to use chatting for over 30 mins... they left without even breaking a sweat and I never saw but one of them actually use a machine, and what she did definitely did not make a difference.

The funniest type of "gym person" is the "home gym person".

One machine to isolate one muscle group can cost the gym upwards of $10,000 without any weight. You really think your $500 bowflex is giving you the same type of work out?

I miss you Cory and you are a beautiful man...



Mr. Romance

Airek, do you work out at that little shitty gym down...maybe it is Golds near Burbank????

If so, I used to got there. Nothing but meatheads half run down, but honestly, it was the best gym I ever have been to!

My gym never has lines. When it gets busy the only bummer is when all the good tredmills are taken and I end up on the one where the read out is only in Italian for some reason.

Adding to your list: (which is friggen great by the way) The Sweater... if you leave any part of yourself on the bench you just used, wipe it the hell up. Your mom isn't here following you around with a little handy wipe.

That must be every golds? Our golds gyms changed names but it's still the same atmosphere. I still have a lifetime membership there but I rarely go.

no i work out at the little shitty world gym that is exactly the same. its the best because they have exactly waht i need and nothing else, i kinda like it that theres no women to distract me from what i'm supposed to be doing. ther are no showers, thats what my house is for. and sometimes the attendants arent even there. i swear its one of the oldest world gyms. maybe 5-6 people at a time there.

i do agree with every one of the peeves i used to go to 24 hour on grand avenue in glendale. talk about a my space convention.

Also: the Too Little Clothing Guy: Often seen wearing running shorts and a home made spaghetti strap tank top from his high school band team years. You will often find this guy doing bench press or decline press allowing him the most views at his junk possible.

I hate when people sweat all over the equipment and dont wipe it off

That is very funny, but so true.

This one is classic. I moved a while back and I go to check out a gym a couple of people told me about. So the gym itself is pretty cool. They actually have a lot of kids at this gym so they have two locker rooms for guys and two for girls. One is an all ages locker room and one is adults only. The adults only one has a TV room with some chairs and couches and a big screen TV. There is a hot tub and a steam room and a sauna. They tell me, as we are walking through, that they are trying to make it like a country club in here. So we walk by the hot tub and I see three dudes sitting naked in it. Then we pass the TV room and there are about 8 guys sitting around nude watching CNN. WTF? I want to join a gym not a sausage bar. I actually started laughing. Needless to say I didn't join.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I don't get that either. Some guys are living in the stone ages in concern with what turns women on.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

i saw an old man totally naked in the change room standing on a chair bend over drying his ass with one of the hand dryers.

I seriously do not get this.

It is called a Hand Dryer.

Where lies the confusion?

I always hated the huge guys that stood around one area for an hour doing reps as they pleased. if its just muscle maintenance, get some dumbbells at home, they know they are going to intimidate smaller people and they treat the gym like their second chance to be cool in highschool.

thats what i was thinking, i cancelled my membership right after that happened.

lol funny

yeah those guys who lift weights for like 2 inches go WOOOOOOOOOOOOO then put them back and look like they moved the world

too funny

I don't think it's the women those guys are going for.

Second the motion, informative and entertaining :thumbsup :1orglaugh :thumbsup

Your locker rooms are starting to look like a Turkish bath. I realize people need to change and shower and this requires nudity, however, just laying around the locker room nude and blow-drying your pubic nest with the HAND dryers is totally beyond the point of the locker room. Somewhere, the concept of the locker room got lost in translation.


Lol!!! I hear ya man.

There were lots of weird characters at Gold's in Oakland, CA:

-The anorexic girl who had "already comsumed all my oils for the day" by 11am. Then called the front desk with her cell phone to tell them the music is too loud. Even if 5 people in the gym, she'd HAVE to butt in to share equipment so she wouldn't break her routine.

-The fat old geezer who NEVER worked out. He'd sit on the stationary bike and read the paper then hit the locker room. He'd never shower, never change clothes, but he'd grunt and groan locking and unlocking his locker like he was having a heart attack.

-The Church lady who sing gospel music with her headphones and eyes closed.

-The ex-college football star and his entourage who is still think he's going to get into the pros 10 years later.

-The 70 year Chinese lady who works out with a ratty, dirty, frayed car SEAT BELT tied around her waist.

-The pimp daddy with the designer jogging suit with matching shirt, shoes, gym bag, sunglasses, hat, and cell phone case.

sounds familiar.

You forgot the "I pay my personal trainer to be my friend, not to push me to get fit" person. These are the ones that take twenty minutes to do three sets of eight reps on a machine because they spend five minute breaks between sets sitting on the machine telling their trainer about what club they went to last night or how their wife/husband doesn't understand them or what kooky workout/diet routine they plan to start next week et fucking cetera :)

wow so much hate, find a new fuckin gym

People actually dry their pubes with hand dryers? :helpme

I thought chewing with one's mouth open was bad, but if I saw that..... I dunno..... :1orglaugh Guess it couldn't be worse than the glory hole I spotted at a public restroom off the FL Turnpike when the womans room was busted and nobody else was in the Mens room so my Ex watched the door for me so I could go in with my roll of paper towel and Lysol. First and last time I saw one of those. ~ Don't know why, but this story reminded me ~

Lets just say this isn't an uncommon practice.

I hope you weren't aroused

Thanks for the visual spunky. :helpme

:1orglaugh This locker room talk is almost entertaining in a sick way. I never would have imagined people doing that.

Oh shit. Glory holes are real? LOL

Uh, yeah and you could tell they were used by the sticky matter dripping down from the hole. Why do you think I went in armed with paper towel and Lysol spray?

I would have just pissed outside but there was actually a sign on the building warning against urinating in public. :helpme