haha That is freakin' hilarious Cory. I love my condo gym, has everything I need and no one is ever there. It is like having my own personal gym that I don't even have to do maintenance on. :)

Cory that is hilarious! I would like to add a character to your list if I could.

Perhaps they are not a new character altogether but a sub-culture of your washroom nudists.

These are the erotic exhibitionists. It really happens.

My friend Katie and I were in a steam after working out all day. I guess we were being a bit chatty. There was another woman in there with us. When we started talking she started to sigh... I thought it was like an exasperated sigh because we were talking too much.

The thought of her being mad about us chatting made me & Kate giggle. This made the lady sigh more.

Before I could tell what she was trying to communicate to us the steam machine clouded up the room again & I couldn't see anything past my nose.

Then i heard a noise which could have been a wet sounding rubber duck... but less squeaky.

Nope that wasn't it... it sounded like it was a plunger sunctioning in and out, & in and out of something moist?

All of a sudden the steam started to dissipate and I was able to reconcile the noise I was hearing with a visual.

The lady, who I thought we disturbed, had in fact been turned on by it!

When I got a clear view she was hammering her fingers so far into her pussy her eyes were shut and she had no idea Katie and I were staring at her. Or maybe she did... So we ran out of the steam room naked, with our towels stuffed in our mouths to prevent us from cracking up (that in itself was weird).

When we got out of the steam room we took showers before we headed out to a party. When I opened my shower curtain to get out I found that same lady was standing there in the shower stall across from me; Fully naked, with the curtain wide open! She was taking her shower, her body turned to face me, lathering her body slowly with soap and staring at me.

I stopped at the front desk to comment on what had happened and to express my concern that the steam room be fully disinfected.

To my shock and horror the girl tells me that this happens all the time. That I had only just missed someone being sent to clean up jizz from the tanning booths.

I am sure this experience did however make my transition from mainstream to adult a lot easier LOL But definitly add the Masturbating Marauders to your list!

interesting...

sounds hot in theory, but i can't imagine any hot chicks doing that...

pics? :)

You missed a couple :winkwink:

The Donkeys
These guys attend the gym with a *big* mate - ie someone who obviously has been lifting weights for years.

They (the donkeys) seem to think that by standing close to their mate they'll be able to magically lift the same weights. :1orglaugh :1orglaugh Watching their heads nearly explode is a crack up.

^^ These jerk offs need to realise that their job is to load the weights on the machine for their mates....

so funny but all true.

Sissys who wine dont belong at a gym.
I hate people who complain. Go, bang, shut up, go home, repeat.

I hate the staredowns I get from the other large men in the gym. Like I'm infringing on their Alpha Male status due to my above normal size for an asian, or any other race for that matter.

AIR3K: I used to work out at the World's Gym up here in the great Pacific Northwest. You must have lucked out; because we rejoiced when they closed here.

Cory: That is hilarious and so so true. The line about the iPod cracked me up. I once asked why they played such crappy music..and the answer I got was they had to play music that offended no one. WTF? It offends me and I'm the one on this horridly boring Elliptical.

Actually, reading this thread makes me smile. A lot.

From those who drop weights to the ones who preen in front of the mirrors and whoever picks the music should be shot.

There are others who are trying to impress either the milfs or themselves because they're going to hurt their backs lifting the way they do. It hurts to watch them, knowing that injury is right around the corner. Learn form or don't lift. If you can't afford a trainer, watch them when they train. And, speaking of which, don't hire one that doesn't train. Even my trainer still does cardio. If I have to do it, so does he. Don't preach it if you don't do it.

I got lucky. When I started, I was fat and miserable, argumentative and probably untrainable. My torture man is very in shape....we established early on that I was a control freak...and he was being paid to take power away from me. So, as I said, I got lucky. I did the work, but his foot's been up my ass the entire time. AND. He knows nutrition.

Cory, he does get the weights for me. I don't know why. I'll have to ask him.

Our locker rooms are starting to look like harem rooms, with ladies lounging around naked. Ya know, I see enough nekkid women. I sure as fuck don't need to see them when they're out of shape with boobs hanging to belly buttons. Wear a towel. Better yet. Go home. I understand we break a sweat; well, some of us do. But there are showers at home. And, if you must shower at the gym, ladies, don't make me look at your stretch marks and your loose skin; or worse, your 350 lb. body.

My biggest pet peeve are those who DO hire personal trainers, who, by the way, are NOT cheap...and then complain about not losing weight. I just want to choke them. 1500 calories per day does NOT include a half of a pizza or a gallon of ice cream or seven drinks before dinner.

I don't care how you cut it up, eating healthy really is boring, especially when giving up processed foods, including salt and sugar.

Please do NOT tell me that artificial sweeteners are da bomb; and, I know for a fact that tofu ice cream does not taste like the real deal.

Buck the fuck up and diet, people. Complain all you want. Just do it. And, while you're at it, do some research. There is a plethora of information out there talking about nutrition and nutritious foods and the whys and whats and hows. Diet food doesn't have to be horrid; but, it sure as fuck isn't going to be creme brulee.

american perv:
I do admit I am a groaner by the way. Lactic acid buildup hurts like a bitch. I believe it's my G'd given right to scream.

You are so right about people talking to my trainer on my time. I would never do that to him when he's training someone. Don't do it on my time. I could get hurt. And, while we're on the subject, trainers should not talk to anyone during my time, either. Cameraderie between trainers can damned well wait until my hour is up.

WarChild: There are times when I delay my cardio, pretending to stretch when I really don't need to, just to watch what you're talking about. The over weight housewife who brings a friend and then shows them a work out. Ha Ha....that's a riot. My fave are the ones who buddy up on treadmills, side by side, talking about how hard they're working out, calling out how many calories they burned, when they're walking leisurely, gossiping, turning pages of a magazine, no incline, no sweat, just girlie day out at the gym. Go to lunch, ladies and order your cobb salad...I can't watch you anymore.
And, I've never seen them sweat.

The problem with Bowflex is not the machine. I've seen them and I've done workouts on them when I was out of town. They ARE pretty sturdy and you can get a decent work out from them. It's the owner of the Bowflex who is the problem, WarChild. They don't push themselves beyond beyond...they do a pussy work out....

Sean...you crack me up. Sweaters should be be forced to have their sweat glands surgically removed. And, how about the bodybuilders who are wearing thongs? Such a sight!

OzMan: If I tried that crap on my trainer, I do laps. As he says, if you want to talk, girl, wait until your hour is up. Until then, your ass is mine. For that, I blame the trainer. When they allow the client to be in control, the war is lost.

By the way, Cory, I sent you a long ass email....about what you asked in the 'why are americans so fat' thread.

I was never a blind follower, so my trainer has his hands full, explaining the whys of nutrition planning. I don't really call it dieting anymore, as it is such a lifestyle change and permanent. BUT. Just because he says it is so, doesn't mean I'm not going to look it up. The medical background from whence I came doesn't help a whole lot, as we were not exposed to bunches of nutrition, leaving it to registered dieticians and nurses to handle. So, I have a lot of learning to do...and, man, have I learned a lot about food and its relationship with our bodies as fuel....

wtf hahaha thats fucking gross if you ask me.... it sounds like a closet gay club

I bet Cory does not even sweat at the gym....


:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Big B

Beautifully written, totally captivating.....but wow!

The big problem at my gym is the owner is a cheap bastard. He took out one of the water coolers to save a few bucks, but worse, when a machine breaks down it's out of commission for months.

I'm sure he gets one of his Italian garage mechanics to come by to fix them, and of course, unless it's got a hood on it he's clueless.

The obvious answer would be to go somewhere else, but of course i'm locked in for the year and yes, it's quite a bit cheaper than some others - you get what you pay for!

(One other pet peeve is the sales people who always tell you you're getting a "time-limited deal" or "we'll give you a discount since you're ______" when the membership price is ALWAYS the same. It's so obvious and yet they say it with a straight face!)

My wife and I have been hitting the gym. She thought the puddles on the ground were from people spilling their water. After a half hour on the bikes next to each other, she saw two puddles of sweat below my bike and she instantly realized that this hasn't been water she's been seeing.

Another pet peeve - how about people that don't wipe down the machines of their sweat when they are done? It's one thing to sweat and it lands on the floor, but what about all the sweat and grime people leave on the handles, buttons and displays?

Mike B

Great read :thumbsup

My worst pet peeve is the fat chick on one of those reclined cycle machines going .3 miles per hour speaking loudly on the phone to a friend.

The same girl probably bitches that she works out 4 times a week and just CAN'T seem to loose any weight ... must be genetics.

I have access to a very very nice college gym, so luckily there are hardly any of those problems...no huge fuckers and only hot hot girls. Gotta get there early though for parking and to have the place empty.

What about the kiddies who come in, train their biceps and triceps for like, 20 minutes, look in the mirror, flexing their 'muscles' looking all cool, and then decide it's enough for the day... And when you see them the next day, they'll do exactly the same.. lol

Yeah what about the people with B.O.

Sheesh, take a shower before working out as well as after. Nobody wants to smell you.

Thats a funny list :) I use my own shower, deal with my own sweat, look at myself nude, grunt in private and look at milfs online, hehe :)

That's hot...

This is real reality porn, wow

Ellisa,

You've just changed my perception of the gym.

Mike B

Cory doesn't sweat, he perspires. :thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup

Holy shit I just bought a domain!!! :1orglaugh

Raven, I am the same as you, a control freak (to some degree). If I got a trainer (which I considered) I would need a total ass hole. Otherwise, I would run the show.

Verbal, you see them on the phone, you see them doing make up...etc....I mean, do they seriously think they are loosing weight?

I know, I know, taking a brisk walk burs calories...but lets get real, you need to go hard, you need to feel it.

Anthony and BigB, I try to avoid sweat.

haha

Totally kidding, ironically, I am a sweater. I sweat after my first set usually. I have never understood people that "workout" and never break a sweat.

Good writting skills

LOL at the party we went to after no one believed it was real!!! They thought we were making up a good story to get the guys hot and heavy!

Always happy to help Mike :)

I do hate to ruin the illusion but I would be lying if I said the lady was a lipstick lesbo... her g/f was slightly better looking as we saw them leave together but this lady was not!!!


LoL thanks Paris ;)

Cory. While he's not an asshole, he takes no shit from me. I've seen how the assholes train people. Their casual cruelty is counter productive. After all, we both have the same goals; but, anyone who trains me has to see past the bullshit, the drama and the manipulation. I would not deal well with an asshole who uses negative reinforcement. My best example is how he taught me to eat before a session. The first time, he refused to train me. The second time it happened, he trained me anyway, to the point where I almost passed out. The third time, I threw up. I learned to eat the hard way. He's good at gauging my effort; all he has to say is: 'Are you quitting?' Since I'm Russian, Redheaded, AND from the East Coast, his Norwegian calm works well with my personality. Nothing ruffles him. The important part is he is the trainer. My success depends on cooperation. Otherwise, what's the point?

As to sweating, I have a deal with him. If I should die while training, he is to wipe the sweat off of me.

I think you just wrote the bible on Gym ethics..

hahaha

Well, you looked great the last time I saw you, so whatever you are doing is working.

Thanks for the email, I am going to check that out a bit later. :thumbsup