I Almost Hooked Up With One of the Olsen Twins Last Night (true)
 

Last night me and my friends, Chris and Joel, went out to this local dive bar for a few thousand shots of Jagermeister. We were sitting at this table in the front of the place and I was already so fucked up I was stuffing various objects up into my hat in one of my patented comedy routines.

One of my buddies notices that it?s Ashley Olsen sitting at the table next to us. A few minutes later, I notice Mary Kate is sitting right behind me (like 6 inches away). This annoying standup comedian walks up to our table trying to sell his DVD or something and being really obnoxious.

He says, ?If you don?t laugh, you will get your money back.?

So I come back with, ?Let?s hear some of your best shit??

So he starts telling these jokes and I can finish the punch lines to all of them. These jokes are Lame ? that?s right Lame with a capitol ?L? ? they sounded like they came straight out of Maxim. I tore the guy to shreds and everybody was cracking up ? they loved it.

So, then I feel a tap on my shoulder and it?s Mary Kate. She?s like, ?That was so funny ? that guy was really getting on my nerves.? The conversation continues for around 15 minutes on and off and there is some pretty solid flirtation going on. A while later, I am at the back of the bar and I get introduced to her sister and we chat some more ? it was pretty cool ? again, solid flirtation.

A while later -- they left. Oh well, to be honest, they really didn?t look that good anyway. Mary Kate was still way to skinny and Ashley was kind of fat, but not a good fat ? kind of a square fat and they both were wearing these stupid looking hippie clothes.

The last thing I was thinking today is: Ok, these girls just got out of jailbait status and everybody knows who they are and how old they are, so what kind of fake ID got those bitches in the bar?

Hollywood, you gotta? love it.

Jay, I believe you 100%....

Would have been better to hear that story in person though :) :) :)

Nice story :thumbsup

Jay gets more ass than a toilet seat -- if anyone could bang an Olsen twin, my money is on him.

Classic Hollywood shit.......so you did not get a number for something future?

xo

LOL @ "Mary Kate was still way to skinny and Ashley was kind of fat, but not a good fat ? kind of a square fat and they both were wearing these stupid looking hippie clothes."



..

cool beans

Fuck them, tape them.. call Roger.

last night while i was on the moon me and the space men met elvis and joan of arc and had high tea

get a number IMMEDIATELY...There was no way I would have ended that conversation without either offering my number or asking for hers.

Those bitches are so skinny ass, every magazine I see them in, they article is talking about how skinny they are.

But I'd still fuck them both ... Hollywood!

Which dive bar?

This thread is useless without pics. Am I the first to say it? I should refresh before i post but i wont.

no pics Jay?

The Dime on Fairfax.

Is there a new twins solo girls site coming down the line?

Better not! Since they're still under 21 and not whored out, you're sure to get a zillion, "They look too young. Burn in Hell".

nice story and congrats

Right on Jay!

Local dive bars in LA are the way to go fo sho! You get to have the celebs in your own stomping grounds. Don't be surprised if she comes back this weekend.

Hahahaha no bloody way. Well, don't they pretty much own L.A.? too bad it didn't go further... oh hell did you check your hat, pocket, etc maybe they slipped their number heh. Ah well, don't worry Jay, you might bump into hilary duff.. that is, if she is now legal age hehe.

One little problem:

Mary Kate is engaged to a Billionaire shipping magnate.

Not that xxxjay isn't a player, but damn man...that's some rough competition. :)

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Mary-...eir-5228.shtml

too bad no pics...

Yo you should have thrown down on them... XXX Style.

Paris Hilton Sex Tape... Move THE FUCK OVER..... here comes Mary Kate and Ashley 3-Some.... Exclusive AT OC CASH

Mr. Bond

.

Thats awesome Jay, should have done them both anyway!

pimp pimp

you = fag, with a "capitol" F


:1orglaugh

Fucking haters.

"but not a good fat" lolol I love that. :) Hope I'm a "good fat" lmfao.

doesn't sound like much of a pimp :pimp

Jesus, another wealthy spoiled ass son of some shipping family scores again? these young celebs are pathetic.. you watch, britney will dump that loser of hers, and run away with some greek shipper too.. then hopefully, he'll take all her money, and ship her ass off to timbuk-tu never to lip sync again LOL.

can you imagine the value of a Olsen twins porn tape!?!?!?/1/1/1?!!?!?1/!! Millions! It would make Paris hilton look like a Season 3 DVD of Knight Rider

you stud you would have nailed them simply for bragging rights.
tell chris i said hello :)

Kevin Federline is my hero...Guy plays golf at a $150k a year country club in a wife-beater, and goes two weeks inbetween shaves.

Lucky fucker, lol.

if it was true, you would have tapped that ass (if only for bragging rights)

props to you man..digits would have been cool...secret cams everywhere..lol

:thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup

ALMOST DON'T CUT ANY ICE WITH US, SON. RETURN TO BASEMENT.

:2cents

both those girls cant give head for shit, surprisingly.

thats right man, mad haters!

Wow, seeing someone and exchanging idle chit chat is almost hooking up? Hey, I almost hooked up with Brendan Shanahan once!!!

LOL, too funny..... Good Shit Jay :1orglaugh