Anyone ever kicked their kid out of the house?
 

My brother is just done with his oldest son. The kid is 18 years old. He has no job, no driver's license, no desire to get either. He is disrespectful, doesn't listen to anyone and just a general issue jackass who does nothing but smoke weed and be an asshole to everyone. So my brother has decided tonight he is going to sit him down with a list of rules to follow and make him sign it agreeing that if he doesn't follow the rules he is kicked out. I would guess it will only be a matter of days until he breaks the rules.

So he is wondering can he then just kick him out and if the kid won't leave on his own can he call the cops and have him removed?

Anyone every been in this kind of a situation before and have suggestions?

tell him to get a taser. confiscate his weed and send it to me.

Every morning I tell our daughter and her Mother to get out and leave me and the dog in peace. LOL

I got the boot at 15 and was too stupid to say "I'm staying" or "Is this legal?" I'm sure the kid you're describing is, as well, and there won't be an issue if he's told to leave. If he does say he's not leaving, I'm sure it would fall under a tenant/landlord situation and the laws differ from state to state. He may have to legally evict him :1orglaugh

but weed is a cool drug that makes everyone super smart and cures all problems. I can't believe this has happened.

nope never would this world is a rough place

The weed and the asshole part are the tough parts. Other than that who cares.

Doesn't this say a lot about your brother and how he raised his kid? Kids aren't born that way, are they? Do they live in a big town, and your brother was always busy with other things, and the kid grew up with other asshole kids who taught him how to be disrespectful, steal, drink, smoke weed? Then who's to blame? The dad who didn't see anything was wrong for 18 years, or the kid? Maybe your brother should have started spanking him very hard every day 10 years ago already, or take him out on scouting camps, hunting and fishing and sporting and survival weekends in the wilderness and things like that.

I don't have no kid :pimp

He can kick him out, but the cops probably will not remove him (assuming no domestic violence). If the young man won't leave, it may be necessary to change the locks while he's out buying weed or whatever.

A good ass whooping when he was young would have set hiim on the right track. :2 cents:

Well, in a way you are 100% correct, but about 99% of the blame falls on the kid's mom and grandma. To make a long story short when my brother met his wife she already had the boy from a previous relationship. He was about 4 when they got together. His biological dad has been in and out of his life and is unreliable at best. He was the first grandson in the family and his mom and grandma basically treated him like he was a deity. They all but threw rose petals at his feet when he would walk.

No matter what my brother would do as punishment, she would go behind his back and undo it. Of course, my brother didn't know this until recently. A few cases in point. The boy, when he was about 10, stole money out of his mom's purse to buy a video game. He got grounded to his room, no TV no nothing for two weeks. When my brother wasn't home his mom let him come out of his room, watch TV, play games whatever. Another time he decided that he didn't like school (he was in 6th grade) so she didn't make him go. After two weeks of not going the school called the emergency contact number (my brother's work number) to find out if he was okay. He went home and asked why the boy was not in school. She lied to his face and said he was. When he told her that school seems to think otherwise she finally confessed. That incident nearly led to their divorce. In 8th grade the kid failed 14 out of 16 classes. The school told them he needed to be held back, but she refused. As it turns out, she was doing all his homework. To this day - and it makes me sad as hell the say this - he is 18 years old and essentially illiterate.

This has caused massive strain on the family. They had two other kids together and both of them are very good kids in part because their mom actually does discipline them along with my brother. For some reason she can't say no to the boy and now after all these years it is coming back to haunt her. He has been in trouble with the law multiple times, blew off all his probation stuff, gets in more trouble and no matter what he does she makes excuses for him and seems to make like it is okay for him to be this way.

You are 100% correct. Had his mom actually disciplined him when he was a kid and followed through with it chances are they would not be in the situation they are in now. See my big post for an explanation of this.

One size does not fit all. Kids can be deadbeats on their own.

I'm not 100% sure he has a key. If he doesn't I guess when he leaves they can just lock the door and not let him in when he comes back. But I will tell him about changing the locks while he is out as an option.

Well in this case it is parenting.

But two kids can receive the same parenting with different outcomes.

Right after college, I left my parent's house voluntarily. Unheard of in Filipino-American families where adult kids are supposed to stay with mom and dad until they either get married or mom and dad pass away. It caused quite a bit of a commotion in my family. I never saw my mom cry harder than that day. In hindsight, it was a great decision because while family unity and family loyalty will be in my heart till I die, I needed independence and space to figure out the greater lessons of life (like responsibility, challenging truths on my own, finding my way in the world, figuring out where I fit in the great scheme of things, figuring out the place of judgment/condemnation/discernment in my life and other core questions people, who are honest seekers, invariably encounter in their days here on Earth).

In the OP's case, easing the kid out is probably the best case IF there are some preparatory steps and it is CLEAR to the kid that this is all for his own good. No point in blaming, focus more on giving time for clear headed action.

too late.

:thumbsup

Do you have brothers and sisters?

I am a 180 compared to my brothers. Raised pretty much the same, I probably had a more difficult life.

Kids aren't as controllable as non-parents like to think they are. Sure, you definitely can influence them, but many simply live in a world of their own and you can't do much with them until they figure it out themselves. After all, we all are different people.

I have two brothers that are very smart and very capable of doing great things. Neither of them have any desire to apply their skills and prefer to drift through life.

when they do the contract find out how many days you have to give for a notice of conviction and write that into the contract and if he fails to leave by then that they will go to court to have him evicted

One of my freinds was legally evicted by his dad and it took ages to process. He was, and still is, the laziest person in the world - I think he would still be sat around doing fuck-all now (17 years later) otherwise :disgust

First problem is a lying wife, fuck that noise. :boid

Don't chat shit. I was that kid 20 years ago, and it had fuck all to do with my Dad being at fault. At some stage people need to take responsibility for their own actions; blaming your Dad because blah blah blah, and society for blah blah blah and the government for blah blah blah blah blah - fuck off with that shit. The kid is to blame, period.

Common man, wait till their asses go to work, he'll have his boys bust that house up first chance he gets. Worse, if something tragic happens to his son, dude wont forgive himself.
Christmas around the corner! ` Fucked up scene!

My mom tried to kick my younger brother "out of her house" when he was 18.
He called the cops and they told my mom it was his house too. :1orglaugh

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My brother did decide to move in with my dad after that and my dad kicked him
out after a few months.

My brother didn't smoke weed and had good grades in high school.

Bottom line : He is the most successful of anyone to have ever been in our known
family line. He owns 1-2 million dollars of property and at least 1/2 million in stocks.

He needed to "drown out" the assholes in his life and then he became successful.


Weed "drowns out" assholes.

Consider that!

I can't decide between them.

You have to lay down clear rules and consequences.

I let my GF's 19yr son move in "temporarily" to help him get his life in order. First rule was, no drugs (yes I consider weed to be a drug) for two reasons:
1. You cant put your life back together doing that shit.
2. If you have money to buy it, then you have money to be on your own, so get out if you want to do it.

Made it his job to go get a job. Took a few weeks but he got hired at a local hotel and 4 months later was promoted to front desk manager.

I've set down very clear rules on how my household works. Consequences for being disrespectful, not helping around the house, etc etc. That part was easy because I just had to remind him that he is here as a guest, I'm doing him a favor, I make the rules, and at any time he decides he doesnt want to follow the rules he can pack his stuff and walk out the door.

It took a little adjustment period (on both sides) but he is doing much better. I'm going to start charging him rent after the first of the year (I gave him 45 days notice about this) and I plan on just putting the money aside and giving it back to him as soon as he can get his own apartment.

So yeah its much easier to kick the kid out but you'll most likely never have a relationship with the kid again, or you can be tough and try to maintain your patience, set firm rules and do not bend. Your brother may have to kick his kid out for a few days to help him gain a little perspective on life, living under a few rules and doing better for yourself is better than being homeless.

This kid would make an excellent candidate for the marines.

I actually think their marriage is about over. She was never married before, just had a kid with a different guy. There has been a lot of shit between them and my brother has been committed to working it out, but he even admitted to me the other day that at some point things just come to an end and there is only so much you can take.

I have a feeling that this thing with the boy will end up being the end of the marriage. My brother will get fucked over bad. He makes pretty good money and has a sweet retirement package from his job. In the 15 years they have been married she has worked a total of 4 of them. They have fought a lot of about her not working. So she will end up with half his retirement and potentially spousal support, but in the end it might be the best for my brother.

If somehow she actually grows a backbone and stands up to the son and they can get this situation under control they might actually be able to work things out because - as my brother puts it - 90% of the stress in the relationship is him.

It is a roomate situation not a landlord tenant situation. He can just kick his ass out. The cops probably won't help but they won't stop it either. I doubt it will stick if the mom does not support the idea.
Then tell your bro to think about what they want to change when they have to bail him out. Go to treatment or whatever. That is a pretty normal outcome for sending a kid off with nothing.

You are 100% correct and there was a time he actually went in and was talking to a recruiter. He and a buddy were going to join. The problem then was he had legal issues and they were going to force him to fix those problems before letting him in. He could have easily done so, but he blew it all off. His buddy changed his mind, got a job and started a life like most people at 18 do and so he changed his mind. He could still go in and maybe this will push him in that direction.

Need to show the wife who is boss. She has no respect for the husband. In that situation, you're on your own I dont know what to tell you.

On second thought, he'd probably be much happier kicking them both out. Why do people stay in miserable relationships.

It depends on the state. California for example has pretty strong roommate laws. You can't just kick someone out, it's a total pain in the ass process.

No clue what Oregon is like.

So if this kid is as bad as you say...why does your brother think a contract is going to help? Does he think the kid respects a piece of soon-to-be toiletpaper?

Just because you write down a few things and sign it doesn't make it legal.

Truth. :2 cents:

This is all great advice. I will pass it on to my brother. He has tried a ton of different things to get the kid in line, but maybe this time with a written contract and if his mother actually stands up to him and follows through it could work.

To me the main problem with the kid is that he has never had reality hit him in the face. His mom or grandma gives him everything he wants. Even when he was punished and had his cellphone taken away his grandma got him another "in case of emergency." He needs to realize that in the real world you can't just do whatever you want and always get your way.

My brother doesn't think it will work. He thinks it will be just like every other time they have given him any kind of ultimatum. For a few days, maybe even a few weeks, things will be great. Then he will fall back to his old ways and his mom will jump in to make excuses for why he did this and why he shouldn't be in trouble for it.

He wanted to kick him out today, but his wife convinced him to try the contract.

I actually told my brother this about 6-7 years ago when things came to a big head between them. They separated for a few months (my brother lived with me) and then got back together and worked things out. For about a year things were good. She got a job, they got a new, nice place to live and all was going well, then everything fell back into its same old pattern. It seems now that he is just about done so if things don't quickly work out with the boy I won't be shocked if they get divorced.

I don't think it's going to work either. The contract will not matter because the wife will cave and everything will be the same. This situation is different than the one of MrPheer. This kid already knows he can get away with murder. He will leave before being shackled.