Jessica Alba - Robert De Niro - STEVEN SEAGAL (!) - Michelle Rodriguez - Don Johnson ALL in 1 movie - GoFuckYourself.com

closer · 09-22-2010, 10:21 AM

This most be the worst Tarantino-esque B movie ever, even more then Planet Terror
which is on its own, quite an achievement

Anyone seen this movie > Machete ?

Looks cool to me!

TheStout · 09-22-2010, 10:28 AM

I was expecting it to be absolutely horrible but I saw it and I loved it. Pointless, lots of action and cheesy humor. If you are expecting an Oscar award winner this movie is not for you. If you like cheesy one liners and over the top action then I would recommend it.

MrBottomTooth · 09-22-2010, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by closer

This most be the worst Tarantino-esque B movie ever, even more then Planet Terror
which is on its own, quite an achievement

Anyone seen this movie > Machete ?

Looks cool to me!

Looks better in the trailers than it actually is, but I still enjoyed it. Started out amazing, but then it gradually gets to the point where you are just waiting for it to end. Probably would have been better if they would have cut about 15 minutes worth of uninteresting subplots out of it.

Sid70 · 09-22-2010, 10:45 AM

Basic flick. Crap.

Robbie · 09-22-2010, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheStout

I was expecting it to be absolutely horrible but I saw it and I loved it. Pointless, lots of action and cheesy humor. If you are expecting an Oscar award winner this movie is not for you. If you like cheesy one liners and over the top action then I would recommend it.

Saw it and agree with that review 100%

OneHungLo · 09-22-2010, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrBottomTooth

Looks better in the trailers than it actually is, but I still enjoyed it. Started out amazing, but then it gradually gets to the point where you are just waiting for it to end. Probably would have been better if they would have cut about 15 minutes worth of uninteresting subplots out of it.

^ i agree. I saw it in the theater but probably should have just waited till it hit on demand.

LongBG · 09-22-2010, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrBottomTooth

Looks better in the trailers than it actually is, but I still enjoyed it. Started out amazing, but then it gradually gets to the point where you are just waiting for it to end. Probably would have been better if they would have cut about 15 minutes worth of uninteresting subplots out of it.

+1

closer · 09-22-2010, 11:29 AM

Can I compare it to Planet Terror? If so, then I think this will be a couch movie rather then a theater movie for me.

NaughtyRob · 09-22-2010, 11:31 AM

Saw it last week. Very violent, bloody, gory, sexy and a good movie. Unrealistic of course but fun!

docputer · 09-22-2010, 11:34 AM

So Seagal was in a movie with females and made it out without a sexual harassment suit?

PornAddict · 09-22-2010, 11:57 AM

I thought it was awesome.

candyflip · 09-22-2010, 11:59 AM

Awesome movie.

Angry Jew Cat - Banned for Life · 09-22-2010, 12:00 PM

I thought it was great. I might be able to agree with the "not as good as i expected" statement, but I still enjoyed it thoroughly. If I had to compare it with Planet Terror, I think I'd have to give Planet Terror a couple points up on Machete though.

Frisky Cash · 09-22-2010, 12:02 PM

Pretty lame trailer, was expecting more.

ottopottomouse · 09-22-2010, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheStout

I was expecting it to be absolutely horrible but I saw it and I loved it. Pointless, lots of action and cheesy humor. If you are expecting an Oscar award winner this movie is not for you. If you like cheesy one liners and over the top action then I would recommend it.

Agree with that really.

Also looks really cheaply made but not in a bad way.

CamJack · 09-22-2010, 12:06 PM

Can't be worse than THE AMERICAN.

Wow Clooney drinking espresso.....wow again....6 times? riveting.

Robbie · 09-22-2010, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

Also looks really cheaply made but not in a bad way.

It was originally supposed to be one of the "Grindhouse" movies that came out a couple of years ago. Matter of fact, the trailer for it was played at the beginning of the Grindhouse movies.

SykkBoy · 09-22-2010, 12:09 PM

I loved it. I had high expectations and they were met.
It was everything I could want in a classic throwback grindhouse flick...it was equal parts valentine to grindhouse movies and it's own big silly explosion movie.

I agree with sentiment of trimming some subplots.

Some of my favorite moments
MILD SPOILERS

- Lindsay Lohan's extremely obvious body double in the menage a trois scene
- intestine used as rope
- Steven Segal's final fight with Machete
- Robert DeNiro hamming it up
- "Machete improvises"
- cell phone in the cooter
- showdown in She's house

CamJack · 09-22-2010, 12:11 PM

Fuck it I am going to see it. GF is going shopping, I am going to grab my flask and see it.

Angry Jew Cat - Banned for Life · 09-22-2010, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robbie

It was originally supposed to be one of the "Grindhouse" movies that came out a couple of years ago. Matter of fact, the trailer for it was played at the beginning of the Grindhouse movies.

As far as I understood, the original trailer that played at the beginning was just a joke clip to play along with the movies as a mock trailer to go along in the style of Death Proof and Planet Terror. The public interest in the clip, and people's demand to see it as a full length feature led them towards making a movie out of Machete. I remember when I first saw the cli myself and thought "fuck i hope that's a real movie". I looked high and low back then and as far as anyone knew at that point, there was never any intention of them making it a real movie.

Jman · 09-22-2010, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheStout

I was expecting it to be absolutely horrible but I saw it and I loved it. Pointless, lots of action and cheesy humor. If you are expecting an Oscar award winner this movie is not for you. If you like cheesy one liners and over the top action then I would recommend it.

Thanks for this review, now I'll definitely have to check it out.

09-22-2010, 12:24 PM

saw it .. nothing special sorry

ottopottomouse · 09-22-2010, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robbie

It was originally supposed to be one of the "Grindhouse" movies that came out a couple of years ago. Matter of fact, the trailer for it was played at the beginning of the Grindhouse movies.

I thought Death Proof was a bit rubbish. Found this much better.

Angry Jew Cat - Banned for Life · 09-22-2010, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

I thought Death Proof was a bit rubbish. Found this much better.

Death Proof was the worst of the 3. What killed Death Proof was the overly drawn out dialogues. Fuck, that opening scene went on for fucking ever. Death Proof was not Tarantino's most shining moment. The half hour chase scene at the end made it all worth the watch, but overall it was lacking a little. Rodriguez made all the deliveries in the whole Grindhouse thing...

2MuchMark · 09-22-2010, 01:56 PM

Its boring - it should have been funnier but the novelty runs off fast. Better than Planet Terror, but not as good as Deathproof.

closer · 09-22-2010, 01:57 PM

Great reviews guys! Going to see it with NO expectations what so ever ... I heard Steve Seagal dies in this movie, FINALLY HE DIES in a movie lol

adamz · 09-22-2010, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by closer

Great reviews guys! Going to see it with NO expectations what so ever ... I heard Steve Seagal dies in this movie, FINALLY HE DIES in a movie lol

That's impossible!

candyflip · 09-22-2010, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robbie

It was originally supposed to be one of the "Grindhouse" movies that came out a couple of years ago. Matter of fact, the trailer for it was played at the beginning of the Grindhouse movies.

Not really. It WAS a trailer from the Grindhouse movies, but was NEVER supposed to be part of the movie.

It was made into a full length feature due to the overwhelming response from fans of the "fake" trailer.

It's also not considered part of the Grindhouse double feature.

TheStout · 09-22-2010, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candyflip

Not really. It WAS a trailer from the Grindhouse movies, but was NEVER supposed to be part of the movie.

It was made into a full length feature due to the overwhelming response from fans of the "fake" trailer.

It's also not considered part of the Grindhouse double feature.

QTF

k0nr4d · 09-22-2010, 02:21 PM

I just watched it.

BEST. MOVIE. EVER.

michael.kickass · 09-22-2010, 02:39 PM

I liked it

Cyber Fucker · 09-22-2010, 03:25 PM

It looks a little naive to me but what the hell, I will watch it.

Chosen · 09-22-2010, 03:41 PM

We already knew that but thanks anyway.

MMarko · 09-22-2010, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheStout

If you are expecting an Oscar award winner this movie is not for you.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SykkBoy · 09-22-2010, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geoGUERILLA

Fuck it I am going to see it. GF is going shopping, I am going to grab my flask and see it.

That's the perfect way to see it
this is the perfect buddies n beer type movie

MaDalton · 09-22-2010, 04:33 PM

no matter what you say: I HAVE to see it

and i am happy for Danny Trejo that he finally got a lead - after doing hundreds of small roles

slavdogg · 09-22-2010, 04:33 PM

Looks good

i like Danny Triejo
The getaway driver from "Heat"

leg4 · 10-04-2010, 07:05 AM

This movie was fun!

I liked it a lot.

facialfreak · 10-04-2010, 07:21 AM

I watched it last night, and I was very impressed with it ...

If you are not a fan of Robert Rodriguez movies, then this probably does not have alot to offer you, except a shitlode of blood, guts, tits and ass .... but if you are a Robert Rodriguez/TroubleMaker Studios fan (The Desparado Trilogy, From Dusk 'Til Dawn, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, Grind House, Planet Terror ...), this movie most certainly delivers the goods!!!

Chosen · 10-04-2010, 08:09 AM

I saw is and I liked it.
Not the best movie ever though

mrsmut · 10-04-2010, 09:38 AM

Daniel Trejo has been a wonderfull second line actor for years, we've seen him in a lot of movies and he deserved a main character.

Unfortunatelly he is 66 now, not the best age to become a star.

theS2O · 10-04-2010, 10:02 AM

I'm going to watch this this week. Looks cool.

09-22-2010, 10:21 AM	#1
closer Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: ICQ :: 34739932 :: Les Pays-Bas Posts: 1,707	Jessica Alba - Robert De Niro - STEVEN SEAGAL (!) - Michelle Rodriguez - Don Johnson ALL in 1 movie This most be the worst Tarantino-esque B movie ever, even more then Planet Terror which is on its own, quite an achievement Anyone seen this movie > Machete ? Looks cool to me! __________________ HOT DOMAIN NAMES FOR SALE: EUROPEAN: MACHO.FR ⌘ KINKY.ES ⌘ SEXTOONS.CO.UK ⌘ DOT COMS: DJSEX.COM ⌘ FAQBOX.COM ⌘ WEBCAMSTV.COM ⌘ SEXTWEET.COM ⌘ PORNVOUCHER.COM ⌘ GAYBF.COM \| GAYBFF.COM ⌘ GAYSEXDATE.COM \| GAYSEXDATING.COM

09-22-2010, 10:45 AM	#4
Sid70 Downshifter Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Road trip Posts: 16,413	Basic flick. Crap. __________________ Русня, идите нахуй!

09-22-2010, 11:29 AM	#8
closer Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: ICQ :: 34739932 :: Les Pays-Bas Posts: 1,707	Can I compare it to Planet Terror? If so, then I think this will be a couch movie rather then a theater movie for me. __________________ HOT DOMAIN NAMES FOR SALE: EUROPEAN: MACHO.FR ⌘ KINKY.ES ⌘ SEXTOONS.CO.UK ⌘ DOT COMS: DJSEX.COM ⌘ FAQBOX.COM ⌘ WEBCAMSTV.COM ⌘ SEXTWEET.COM ⌘ PORNVOUCHER.COM ⌘ GAYBF.COM \| GAYBFF.COM ⌘ GAYSEXDATE.COM \| GAYSEXDATING.COM

09-22-2010, 11:31 AM	#9
NaughtyRob Two fresh affiliate progs Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Inside teen pussy Posts: 29,602	Saw it last week. Very violent, bloody, gory, sexy and a good movie. Unrealistic of course but fun! __________________ [email protected] Skype: 17026955414 Vacares Web Hosting - Protect Your Ass with Included Daily Backups

09-22-2010, 11:59 AM	#12
candyflip Carpe Visio Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: New York Posts: 43,061	Awesome movie. __________________ Spend you some brain. Email Me

09-22-2010, 10:28 AM	#2
TheStout Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2,089	I was expecting it to be absolutely horrible but I saw it and I loved it. Pointless, lots of action and cheesy humor. If you are expecting an Oscar award winner this movie is not for you. If you like cheesy one liners and over the top action then I would recommend it.

09-22-2010, 11:34 AM	#10
docputer Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,103	So Seagal was in a movie with females and made it out without a sexual harassment suit?

09-22-2010, 11:57 AM	#11
PornAddict Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: New Jersey Posts: 1,401	I thought it was awesome.

09-22-2010, 12:00 PM	#13
Angry Jew Cat - Banned for Life (felis madjewicus) Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: In Mom & Dad's Basement Posts: 20,368	I thought it was great. I might be able to agree with the "not as good as i expected" statement, but I still enjoyed it thoroughly. If I had to compare it with Planet Terror, I think I'd have to give Planet Terror a couple points up on Machete though.

09-22-2010, 12:02 PM	#14
Frisky Cash Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: U.K Posts: 148	Pretty lame trailer, was expecting more. __________________

09-22-2010, 12:06 PM	#16
CamJack Old School Webmaster Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NY Posts: 1,334	Can't be worse than THE AMERICAN. Wow Clooney drinking espresso.....wow again....6 times? riveting. __________________ Skype: promote.promote [email protected]

09-22-2010, 12:09 PM	#18
SykkBoy Jesus loves bacon Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sin City, Motherfucker Posts: 19,969	I loved it. I had high expectations and they were met. It was everything I could want in a classic throwback grindhouse flick...it was equal parts valentine to grindhouse movies and it's own big silly explosion movie. I agree with sentiment of trimming some subplots. Some of my favorite moments MILD SPOILERS - Lindsay Lohan's extremely obvious body double in the menage a trois scene - intestine used as rope - Steven Segal's final fight with Machete - Robert DeNiro hamming it up - "Machete improvises" - cell phone in the cooter - showdown in She's house __________________ Support my new movie “The Second Coming”

09-22-2010, 12:11 PM	#19
CamJack Old School Webmaster Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NY Posts: 1,334	Fuck it I am going to see it. GF is going shopping, I am going to grab my flask and see it. __________________ Skype: promote.promote [email protected]

09-22-2010, 12:24 PM	#22
Gasper Guest Posts: n/a	saw it .. nothing special sorry

09-22-2010, 01:56 PM	#25
2MuchMark Videochat Solutions Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 49,090	Its boring - it should have been funnier but the novelty runs off fast. Better than Planet Terror, but not as good as Deathproof. __________________ Custom Coding \| Videochat Solutions \| Age Verification \| IT Help & Support www.2Much.net

09-22-2010, 01:57 PM	#26
closer Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: ICQ :: 34739932 :: Les Pays-Bas Posts: 1,707	Great reviews guys! Going to see it with NO expectations what so ever ... I heard Steve Seagal dies in this movie, FINALLY HE DIES in a movie lol __________________ HOT DOMAIN NAMES FOR SALE: EUROPEAN: MACHO.FR ⌘ KINKY.ES ⌘ SEXTOONS.CO.UK ⌘ DOT COMS: DJSEX.COM ⌘ FAQBOX.COM ⌘ WEBCAMSTV.COM ⌘ SEXTWEET.COM ⌘ PORNVOUCHER.COM ⌘ GAYBF.COM \| GAYBFF.COM ⌘ GAYSEXDATE.COM \| GAYSEXDATING.COM

09-22-2010, 02:21 PM	#30
k0nr4d Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Poland Posts: 9,228	I just watched it. BEST. MOVIE. EVER. __________________ Mechanical Bunny Media Mechbunny Tube Script \| Mechbunny Webcam Aggregator Script \| Custom Web Development

09-22-2010, 02:39 PM	#31
michael.kickass Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 11,039	I liked it __________________ NICERATIOS - $30 PPS - 50% Rev Share - 5% WM Referral - High Converting Sites! Any questions about your NICERATIOS account? Vanessa will take care of you: [email protected] Looking to expand your business in general, maybe sell your sites? Contact me: [email protected]

09-22-2010, 03:25 PM	#32
Cyber Fucker Hmm Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: On an endless road around the world for rock and roll. Posts: 12,642	It looks a little naive to me but what the hell, I will watch it. __________________

09-22-2010, 03:41 PM	#33
Chosen VIPPay.com \| AdultWebSponsors.com Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 63,151	We already knew that but thanks anyway.

09-22-2010, 04:33 PM	#36
MaDalton I am Amazing Content! Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 39,828	no matter what you say: I HAVE to see it and i am happy for Danny Trejo that he finally got a lead - after doing hundreds of small roles __________________ AmazingContent.com - providing only the best content and service since 2003 Monetize your content on Veegaz.com - one of Germanies largest VOD sites Got German traffic? We convert it into money for you! Skype: madalton02826 - Email: oltecconsult [at] gmail [dot] com

09-22-2010, 04:33 PM	#37
slavdogg Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 3,570	Looks good i like Danny Triejo The getaway driver from "Heat" __________________ Adult Traffic for Sale

10-04-2010, 07:05 AM	#38
leg4 Confirmed User Join Date: May 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 4,429	This movie was fun! I liked it a lot. __________________ >>> Contact me here email me here

10-04-2010, 07:21 AM	#39
facialfreak Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Montreal Posts: 3,018	I watched it last night, and I was very impressed with it ... If you are not a fan of Robert Rodriguez movies, then this probably does not have alot to offer you, except a shitlode of blood, guts, tits and ass .... but if you are a Robert Rodriguez/TroubleMaker Studios fan (The Desparado Trilogy, From Dusk 'Til Dawn, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, Grind House, Planet Terror ...), this movie most certainly delivers the goods!!! __________________ Managed Shared Hosting starting at $4.99/mo Managed VPS starting at $29.99/mo

10-04-2010, 08:09 AM	#40
Chosen VIPPay.com \| AdultWebSponsors.com Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 63,151	I saw is and I liked it. Not the best movie ever though

10-04-2010, 09:38 AM	#41
mrsmut Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 121	Daniel Trejo has been a wonderfull second line actor for years, we've seen him in a lot of movies and he deserved a main character. Unfortunatelly he is 66 now, not the best age to become a star.

10-04-2010, 10:02 AM	#42
theS2O Adult Design Since 2003 Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: s2odesigns.com Posts: 4,784	I'm going to watch this this week. Looks cool. __________________ EMAIL ME at [email protected] for Design Inquiries! \| SKYPE: s2odesigns \| ICQ: 280646555 Adult/Mainstream Website Designs \| Illustrations, Toons & Corporate Logos S2O Designs - Making Awesome Logos & Websites Since 2003!