Funny Stripper rant from craigslist - GoFuckYourself.com

Kard63 · 02-14-2009, 09:44 AM

These are pretty funny but since when is a 172 pound dude overweight? She has to be retarded or he had to be 5'2" and she forgot to mention it. I'm betting on retarded.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/145791048.html

1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

35) Hey DJ! You suck!

36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.

Barefootsies · 02-14-2009, 09:49 AM

John-ACWM · 02-14-2009, 10:19 AM

Funny stuff

ahoy · 02-14-2009, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kard63

These are pretty funny but since when is a 172 pound dude overweight? She has to be retarded or he had to be 5'2" and she forgot to mention it. I'm betting on retarded.

I think she means normal weight + 172 lbs. Not 172 lbs total. Funny nonetheless

seeandsee · 02-14-2009, 10:21 AM

Funny stuff

lazycash · 02-14-2009, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kard63

These are pretty funny but since when is a 172 pound dude overweight? She has to be retarded or he had to be 5'2" and she forgot to mention it. I'm betting on retarded.

.

I think you're the one who is retarded, read it again, its 172 lbs overweight. You seem a little bitter, does this list describe you?

SBJ · 02-14-2009, 10:28 AM

that's funny!

alias · 02-14-2009, 10:29 AM

You can just tell she has let a few "slip it in" for that extra $50.

jaysmoke · 02-14-2009, 01:09 PM

Very funny and sooooooooooooooo true.
u know who u are!
LOL

GregE · 02-14-2009, 01:23 PM

Hmmm... a stripper with a bad attitude, eh?

Actually...

Her rant was a pretty funny read

RoCkMaN · 02-14-2009, 01:29 PM

Hehehe. Great Rant.

jimmy-3-way · 02-14-2009, 01:42 PM

Strippers can type?

Spunky · 02-14-2009, 01:52 PM

Heh heh,that was pretty funny

Si · 02-14-2009, 01:54 PM

mynameisjim · 02-14-2009, 02:06 PM

Even with all the bad attitude, strippers are still a good deal.

It takes $150 just to get my lawyer to take my phone call and act like he's too busy.

Bottom line, the only reason anyone fakes interest in you is because of money. Stripper, Doctor, Lawyer, salesman, waiter, etc.

Funny list though. Do guys really cum in their pants???

Kard63 · 02-14-2009, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lazycash

I think you're the one who is retarded, read it again, its 172 lbs overweight. You seem a little bitter, does this list describe you?

Why are you the defender of bitches with attitudes? Maybe your forgot but the good thing about whores is that they are often 'agreeable'. There is no reason to like this one...

I don't know if you know this but the abbreviation for "pounds" doesn't have a period after it. I'm sorry I couldn't decrypt your girlfriend's 3rd grade writing style.

I'm 6' 1/2" tall and weigh 193lbs. I think that puts me about 15-20 pounds overweight. Even if I were extremely overweight I would not be offended by her comment. Look at the other comments surrounding it. Do you realize that everyone else posting in this thread is amused at her thought process while you seem to be empathizing with the plight of strippers?

EDIT: Notice the period after the "lbs". That period is ending a sentence as it should.

mozadek · 02-14-2009, 02:37 PM

I have no respect for strippers, they are whores who don't put out.

Loch · 02-14-2009, 03:00 PM

i will never look at a stripped the same way LOL

Mr.Right - Banned For Life · 02-14-2009, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kard63

These are pretty funny but since when is a 172 pound dude overweight? She has to be retarded or he had to be 5'2" and she forgot to mention it. I'm betting on retarded.

Learn to read, retard.

Also, this troll is as old as the internet.

Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE · 02-14-2009, 03:21 PM

Strippers suck in bed...

Finike · 02-14-2009, 03:21 PM

Great find!

beemk · 02-14-2009, 03:26 PM

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

im gonna have to try this one

EscortBiz · 02-14-2009, 03:27 PM

why do you take time to notice this CL post

oh wait its ok to make fun of hot girls with big tits and men

Rangermoore · 02-14-2009, 04:38 PM

Funny...Strippers who bitch...no...Whats the world coming to...

lazycash · 02-14-2009, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kard63

Why are you the defender of bitches with attitudes? Maybe your forgot but the good thing about whores is that they are often 'agreeable'. There is no reason to like this one...

I don't know if you know this but the abbreviation for "pounds" doesn't have a period after it. I'm sorry I couldn't decrypt your girlfriend's 3rd grade writing style.

I'm 6' 1/2" tall and weigh 193lbs. I think that puts me about 15-20 pounds overweight. Even if I were extremely overweight I would not be offended by her comment. Look at the other comments surrounding it. Do you realize that everyone else posting in this thread is amused at her thought process while you seem to be empathizing with the plight of strippers?

EDIT: Notice the period after the "lbs". That period is ending a sentence as it should.

Wtf are you talking about, that list is some old joke written by some dude, not a stripper. Reading comprehension obviously isn't your forte, its referring to being overweight, not weighing 172lbs.

GatorB · 02-14-2009, 04:45 PM

Whores like her is probably why I don't go to strip clubs. Bitching about only giving her $1 to se her pussy for 5 seconds. WTF. I've seen like 5 bagillion vaginas. Like hers is something special. She's lucky I'm not asking for cash just to look at it. I'm glad you only like us for our money. We only like you because you're hot and are willing to degrade yourself for a $1.

tragedy · 02-14-2009, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lazycash

Wtf are you talking about, that list is some old joke written by some dude, not a stripper.

!00% true. its an old list that was originally written by a dude.

GregE · 02-14-2009, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EscortBiz

why do you take time to notice this CL post

oh wait its ok to make fun of hot girls with big tits and men

Why so serious?

I thought it was kinda funny, as old as baddog maybe, but good for a laugh or two nonetheless.

tony286 · 02-14-2009, 07:02 PM

she is burnt out time to find another line of work. Because with an attitude like that she isnt making bank.

AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE · 02-14-2009, 07:03 PM

Sounds about right.

doridori · 02-14-2009, 07:15 PM

thats a lot of demand and bitching from a scrawny whore who strips for 50 bucks like anyone takes them seriously

BlackCrayon · 02-14-2009, 11:35 PM

They're all fucking whores. Who gives a shit.

Shoehorn! · 02-14-2009, 11:50 PM

Kron · 02-15-2009, 02:11 AM

ahahaha, very funny

JD · 02-15-2009, 02:23 AM

strippers suck. fuckin' professional cock teases

bigalownz · 02-15-2009, 05:46 AM

i use to work in a strip club (not as a stripper)

so if a stripper say the dont fuck the customers
they are full of shit

all strippers are prostitutes they just dance to get u hard first before you have sex with them

Reak AGV · 02-15-2009, 06:00 AM

That was pretty funny actually

Double trouble · 02-15-2009, 06:05 AM

Very funny..lol

ContentPimp · 02-15-2009, 07:17 AM

that slut has a real attitude problem

HorseShit · 02-15-2009, 08:02 AM

i'd hit it

02-14-2009, 09:44 AM	#1
Kard63 Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 237 619 975 Posts: 8,944	Funny Stripper rant from craigslist These are pretty funny but since when is a 172 pound dude overweight? She has to be retarded or he had to be 5'2" and she forgot to mention it. I'm betting on retarded. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/145791048.html 1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already. 2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you. 3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh? 4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD. 5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you. 6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks. 7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you. 8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance. 9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way. 11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit. 12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does. 13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income. 14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass. 15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any. 16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!! 17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants. 18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra. 19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck! 20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance. 21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry. 22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why. 23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle. 24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker! 25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite. 26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee. 27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay. 28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me. 29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more. 30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak. 31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy. 32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words. 33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size. 34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk. 35) Hey DJ! You suck! 36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame. 37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please. __________________

02-14-2009, 09:49 AM	#2
Barefootsies Choice is an Illusion Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Land of Obama Posts: 42,635	__________________ Should You Email Your Members? Link1 \| Link2 \| Link3 Enough Said. "Would you rather live like a king for a year or like a prince forever?"

02-14-2009, 10:19 AM	#3
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02-14-2009, 10:21 AM	#5
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02-14-2009, 10:28 AM	#7
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02-14-2009, 10:29 AM	#8
alias aliasx Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 19,010	You can just tell she has let a few "slip it in" for that extra $50. __________________ https://porncorporation.com

02-14-2009, 01:09 PM	#9
jaysmoke Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: TORONTO Posts: 1,192	Very funny and sooooooooooooooo true. u know who u are! LOL

02-14-2009, 01:23 PM	#10
GregE Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 2,704	Hmmm... a stripper with a bad attitude, eh? Actually... Her rant was a pretty funny read __________________ 50/50 lifetime payout - EXCLUSIVE CONTENT - CCBill CLiCK here for your Bun Beating Dollars.

02-14-2009, 01:29 PM	#11
RoCkMaN Confirmed User Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ottawa, Canada Posts: 928	Hehehe. Great Rant. __________________ The Hockey Board - Smash Mouth Hockey Teal Gorilla - Monkey Loves Money BLOGGING FOR BANK - Make a living with your blog.

02-14-2009, 01:42 PM	#12
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02-14-2009, 01:52 PM	#13
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,944	Heh heh,that was pretty funny __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

02-14-2009, 01:54 PM	#14
Si Such Fun! Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 13,900

02-14-2009, 02:06 PM	#15
mynameisjim Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 2,985	Even with all the bad attitude, strippers are still a good deal. It takes $150 just to get my lawyer to take my phone call and act like he's too busy. Bottom line, the only reason anyone fakes interest in you is because of money. Stripper, Doctor, Lawyer, salesman, waiter, etc. Funny list though. Do guys really cum in their pants??? __________________ jim (at) amateursconvert . com Amateurs Convert

02-14-2009, 02:37 PM	#17
mozadek Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,325	I have no respect for strippers, they are whores who don't put out.

02-14-2009, 03:00 PM	#18
Loch Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 7,674	i will never look at a stripped the same way LOL __________________ Contact us for Beta store access (4000 HD/SD productions) - Editing - Encoding/Post production ICQ - 277 862 930 E-mail casper /@/ cool-content.com

02-14-2009, 03:21 PM	#20
Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE North Coast Pimp Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: 304-534-757 Posts: 9,395	Strippers suck in bed...

02-14-2009, 03:21 PM	#21
Finike Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Austria Posts: 1,581	Great find! __________________ Pregnant, fetish or tit traffic? Promote Lactation Cash, a CCBill based lactation niche program with better signup and rebill ratios! Trade traffic: SexyPix TGP - Milky TGP - Lactation Sex TGP - So Sexy Nylons - Sexy Bra TGP - 6 Fetish Tube - All my traffic trades !

02-14-2009, 03:26 PM	#22
beemk CLICK HERE Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 20,829	2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you. im gonna have to try this one __________________ I host with Vacares

02-14-2009, 03:27 PM	#23
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02-14-2009, 04:38 PM	#24
Rangermoore Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: EVERYWHERE Posts: 1,541	Funny...Strippers who bitch...no...Whats the world coming to... __________________

02-14-2009, 04:45 PM	#26
GatorB The Demon & 12clicks Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: SallyRand is a FAGGOT Posts: 18,208	Whores like her is probably why I don't go to strip clubs. Bitching about only giving her $1 to se her pussy for 5 seconds. WTF. I've seen like 5 bagillion vaginas. Like hers is something special. She's lucky I'm not asking for cash just to look at it. I'm glad you only like us for our money. We only like you because you're hot and are willing to degrade yourself for a $1.

02-14-2009, 07:02 PM	#29
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	she is burnt out time to find another line of work. Because with an attitude like that she isnt making bank.

02-14-2009, 07:03 PM	#30
AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE best designer on GFY Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: IALIEN.COM - High Definition Video and Photographic Productions -ICQ 78943384 Posts: 30,307	Sounds about right. __________________ NAKED HOSTING FTW!11 I'm On The INSANE PLAN $9.95/mo! \| The Alien Blog Adult News Worth Reading Updated Daily \| Content For Sale! 641 PICS 216 MINUTES OF VIDEO $350.00 \|ICQ: 78943384 \|

02-14-2009, 07:15 PM	#31
doridori So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canadia Posts: 2,222	thats a lot of demand and bitching from a scrawny whore who strips for 50 bucks like anyone takes them seriously

02-14-2009, 11:35 PM	#32
BlackCrayon Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Ottawa Posts: 19,631	They're all fucking whores. Who gives a shit. __________________ you don't know you're wearing a leash if you sit by the peg all day..

02-14-2009, 11:50 PM	#33
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02-15-2009, 02:11 AM	#34
Kron Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 1,668	ahahaha, very funny __________________ I dont exchange money!

02-15-2009, 02:23 AM	#35
JD Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 22,651	strippers suck. fuckin' professional cock teases

02-15-2009, 05:46 AM	#36
bigalownz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NEW ZEALAND Posts: 1,657	i use to work in a strip club (not as a stripper) so if a stripper say the dont fuck the customers they are full of shit all strippers are prostitutes they just dance to get u hard first before you have sex with them __________________ $100 free credit for all hosting needs

02-15-2009, 06:00 AM	#37
Reak AGV Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Unknown Posts: 4,283	That was pretty funny actually __________________ Need Mainstream Content and SEO? SEO * Website Copy * Blogs Blogging - PR Work - Forum Marketing - Social Marketing - Link building - Articles 100% Guaranteed Content!

02-15-2009, 06:05 AM	#38
Double trouble So Fucking What? Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 22,251	Very funny..lol __________________

02-15-2009, 07:17 AM	#39
ContentPimp Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 3,184	that slut has a real attitude problem __________________ Blog Post Writing and Reviews are 2 cents per word & Titles and Gallery Descriptions 1 cent per word We also write Pay Site Reviews, SEO and Mainstream text www.contentpimp.info Contact me on ICQ at 400792466 Payoneer, Paxum and Paypal Accepted forms of Payment by the Pimp

02-15-2009, 08:02 AM	#40
HorseShit Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 17,513	i'd hit it