Funny Stripper rant from craigslist
 

These are pretty funny but since when is a 172 pound dude overweight? She has to be retarded or he had to be 5'2" and she forgot to mention it. I'm betting on retarded.



http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/145791048.html

1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

35) Hey DJ! You suck!

36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:thumbsup

Funny stuff :1orglaugh
:thumbsup

I think she means normal weight + 172 lbs. Not 172 lbs total. Funny nonetheless :1orglaugh

Funny stuff

I think you're the one who is retarded, read it again, its 172 lbs overweight. You seem a little bitter, does this list describe you?

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh that's funny!

You can just tell she has let a few "slip it in" for that extra $50.

Very funny and sooooooooooooooo true.
u know who u are!
LOL

Hmmm... a stripper with a bad attitude, eh?

http://bunbeatingfun.com/xternal/rhv_dancer-2.gif



Actually...



Her rant was a pretty funny read :1orglaugh

Hehehe. Great Rant.

Strippers can type?

Heh heh,that was pretty funny

:1orglaugh

Even with all the bad attitude, strippers are still a good deal.

It takes $150 just to get my lawyer to take my phone call and act like he's too busy.

Bottom line, the only reason anyone fakes interest in you is because of money. Stripper, Doctor, Lawyer, salesman, waiter, etc.

Funny list though. Do guys really cum in their pants???

Why are you the defender of bitches with attitudes? Maybe your forgot but the good thing about whores is that they are often 'agreeable'. There is no reason to like this one...

I don't know if you know this but the abbreviation for "pounds" doesn't have a period after it. I'm sorry I couldn't decrypt your girlfriend's 3rd grade writing style.

I'm 6' 1/2" tall and weigh 193lbs. I think that puts me about 15-20 pounds overweight. Even if I were extremely overweight I would not be offended by her comment. Look at the other comments surrounding it. Do you realize that everyone else posting in this thread is amused at her thought process while you seem to be empathizing with the plight of strippers?

EDIT: Notice the period after the "lbs". That period is ending a sentence as it should.

I have no respect for strippers, they are whores who don't put out.

i will never look at a stripped the same way LOL

Learn to read, retard.

Also, this troll is as old as the internet.

Strippers suck in bed...

Great find!

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

im gonna have to try this one

why do you take time to notice this CL post

oh wait its ok to make fun of hot girls with big tits and men

Funny...Strippers who bitch...no...Whats the world coming to...:)

Wtf are you talking about, that list is some old joke written by some dude, not a stripper. Reading comprehension obviously isn't your forte, its referring to being overweight, not weighing 172lbs.

Whores like her is probably why I don't go to strip clubs. Bitching about only giving her $1 to se her pussy for 5 seconds. WTF. I've seen like 5 bagillion vaginas. Like hers is something special. She's lucky I'm not asking for cash just to look at it. I'm glad you only like us for our money. We only like you because you're hot and are willing to degrade yourself for a $1.

!00% true. its an old list that was originally written by a dude.

Why so serious?

I thought it was kinda funny, as old as baddog maybe, but good for a laugh or two nonetheless.

she is burnt out time to find another line of work. Because with an attitude like that she isnt making bank.

Sounds about right.

thats a lot of demand and bitching from a scrawny whore who strips for 50 bucks like anyone takes them seriously

They're all fucking whores. Who gives a shit.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

ahahaha, very funny

strippers suck. fuckin' professional cock teases

i use to work in a strip club (not as a stripper)


so if a stripper say the dont fuck the customers
they are full of shit

all strippers are prostitutes they just dance to get u hard first before you have sex with them

That was pretty funny actually :)

Very funny..lol

that slut has a real attitude problem :)

i'd hit it