I got your irritable bowel syndrome humor right here - GoFuckYourself.com

SpaceAce · 11-16-2002, 06:25 PM

This is for thatdykeliz, but others should find it funny.

I swear I am not making this up. There is someone else on this board who went to high school with me and can confirm this.

My school library actually had a copy of a book called "Living With Your Colitis and Hemerrhoids" featuring chapters such as:

"Brenda's Colitis",
"Living With Your Stoma",

and (drum roll, please)

"Itchy Anus, Bleeding Rectum".

There were about a dozen chapters with silly names, but these are the ones I remember. There wa also something about a prolapsed rectum, but I can't remember the name.

Now, I think it would suck to suffer from the coniditions discussed in this book, but there are very few things that have ever made me laugh so hard. We would go into the library, pull this book off the shelf and laugh ourselves silly. I can NOT find this book, anywhere, including Amazon.com. If someone knows where to get a copy, please let me know.

SpaceAce

thatdykeliz · 11-17-2002, 12:45 AM

Jesus, when I saw the big empty space in your post, I was afraid there was gonna be a picture. That big gaping asshole picture, most likely. Which is apparently like some kind of lurking phantom -- just to speak it's name will cause it to appear. Good money says it's the next thing that's going to be posted in this thread.

As for laughing at colitis and stuff like that -- christ, if I couldn't laugh at it I would have offed myself already. IBS is my personal cross to bear...thank goddess it wasn't colon cancer. My grandmother passed away from that a few months ago, and I was terrified I was next. Hence the wonderful colonoscopy.

What was fun, however, was trying to communicate before the procedure with my surgeon -- he's Middle Eastern, and I don't think he's ever quite met anyone like me before.

I was sitting there on the table asking him about my piercings -- I have, among other things, a clit hood piercing, and I wanted to know if the jewelry had to be removed completely before the procedure, or if I could put an acrylic ring in it.

The dude looked at me like I had three heads. "A what piercing?" he finally stutters.

"A clitoral hood," I repeated, and watched as comprehension completely failed to dawn on him. Damn, I feel sorry for this fucker's poor wife, if he's a DOCTOR and still has this little of a clue how to find his way around female anatomy. Maybe I'll send her a vibrator for Christmas...

"A what?"

Sweet baby jesus. "It's a genital piercing," I said, and just to make sure he got it, I gestured southwards.

He started to blush. A ha! A light has dawned!

"Um. Well. You do know that you have more than one hole...er, down there," he said, and went over to the chart of the gut system hanging on the wall. "You see, this is the anus, and--"

"Uh huh. Riiiight. I'll, um, ask your nurse. On my way out. Thanks, doc."

The nurse answered my question in about three seconds flat. Stupid doctor.

If you ever do find that book, I'd love to see it. Make good bathroom reading when I'm trapped in there...

SpaceAce · 11-17-2002, 03:05 AM

Oh, man, you'll love this:

http://www.ehowa.com/tasteless/analfissurebob.html

Wait until you read what the Finnish doctor says.

SpaceAce

11-16-2002, 06:25 PM	#1
SpaceAce Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Magrathea Posts: 6,493	I got your irritable bowel syndrome humor right here This is for thatdykeliz, but others should find it funny. I swear I am not making this up. There is someone else on this board who went to high school with me and can confirm this. My school library actually had a copy of a book called "Living With Your Colitis and Hemerrhoids" featuring chapters such as: "Brenda's Colitis", "Living With Your Stoma", and (drum roll, please) "Itchy Anus, Bleeding Rectum". There were about a dozen chapters with silly names, but these are the ones I remember. There wa also something about a prolapsed rectum, but I can't remember the name. Now, I think it would suck to suffer from the coniditions discussed in this book, but there are very few things that have ever made me laugh so hard. We would go into the library, pull this book off the shelf and laugh ourselves silly. I can NOT find this book, anywhere, including Amazon.com. If someone knows where to get a copy, please let me know. SpaceAce

11-17-2002, 12:45 AM	#2
thatdykeliz Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: talkin dirty on the phone Posts: 1,026	Jesus, when I saw the big empty space in your post, I was afraid there was gonna be a picture. That big gaping asshole picture, most likely. Which is apparently like some kind of lurking phantom -- just to speak it's name will cause it to appear. Good money says it's the next thing that's going to be posted in this thread. As for laughing at colitis and stuff like that -- christ, if I couldn't laugh at it I would have offed myself already. IBS is my personal cross to bear...thank goddess it wasn't colon cancer. My grandmother passed away from that a few months ago, and I was terrified I was next. Hence the wonderful colonoscopy. What was fun, however, was trying to communicate before the procedure with my surgeon -- he's Middle Eastern, and I don't think he's ever quite met anyone like me before. I was sitting there on the table asking him about my piercings -- I have, among other things, a clit hood piercing, and I wanted to know if the jewelry had to be removed completely before the procedure, or if I could put an acrylic ring in it. The dude looked at me like I had three heads. "A what piercing?" he finally stutters. "A clitoral hood," I repeated, and watched as comprehension completely failed to dawn on him. Damn, I feel sorry for this fucker's poor wife, if he's a DOCTOR and still has this little of a clue how to find his way around female anatomy. Maybe I'll send her a vibrator for Christmas... "A what?" Sweet baby jesus. "It's a genital piercing," I said, and just to make sure he got it, I gestured southwards. He started to blush. A ha! A light has dawned! "Um. Well. You do know that you have more than one hole...er, down there," he said, and went over to the chart of the gut system hanging on the wall. "You see, this is the anus, and--" "Uh huh. Riiiight. I'll, um, ask your nurse. On my way out. Thanks, doc." The nurse answered my question in about three seconds flat. Stupid doctor. If you ever do find that book, I'd love to see it. Make good bathroom reading when I'm trapped in there... __________________ <font size="1" font color="black"><i><b>"No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater...than central air."</i> -- Dogma</b> ICQ#169.839.131</font>

11-17-2002, 03:05 AM	#3
SpaceAce Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Magrathea Posts: 6,493	Oh, man, you'll love this: http://www.ehowa.com/tasteless/analfissurebob.html Wait until you read what the Finnish doctor says. SpaceAce